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Lizzie2
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Misunderstandings? (NCH)
« on: Dec 13th, 2004, 8:24am » |
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Lately, David (bf) has been telling me that I am a very negative person, and he really does not like that about me. He got into this last night, and I said, "Then why are you still with me?" He said that sometimes he doesn't know. Well that really pissed me off.
Do you think there can be a difference between someone who is very negative and someone who just has a lot of bad shit happen to them? I mean....I generally tend to think that I have a positive attitude about life, despite the things that happen to me. If I didn't, I don't think I could stay in school, have a job, and all the things I've been trying to hold together for so long in spite of all of the crap that happens.
Do I get upset and in a bad mood about it? Yeah. Of course! Who wouldn't! When you're running on that 2 hours of sleep because of getting slammed through the night, and then run into insurance problems, problems with doctors and their office staff, problems at the pharmacy, and then run into other random medical problems. Not to mention the financial stuff that EVERY 24 year old woman still in college has to deal with...I guess sometimes that gets stressful?? haha to say the least!
I don't know. I have never really thought of myself as a very negative person, or even as a pessimist. I used to be very optimistic, and over the years I think it has shifted to a degree into more of a realist phase, but not to the point of thinking negatively about life and those around me all the time.
Any input on this? Do you think maybe he could just be misunderstanding the obstacles I keep on running into (ie. hospital stay right after Christmas, etc) as me being a very negative person just because I get upset about it? I'm lost. 
My favorite two quotes were always:
"The best part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised." and...
"Having a positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth your while!"
Those are off the top of my head, so I forget who said them!
Frustrated, and I didn't sleep at all last night between David and his comments and have some stuff I have to go deal with this morning.
Carrie
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Opus
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Re: Misunderstandings? (NCH)
« Reply #1 on: Dec 13th, 2004, 8:54am » |
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Lizzie,
You are the strongest person I know. If you sound negative it's because your life has been a living hell. You have faced the pain and have decided to become a nurse and have stuck with it. Not many could have done what you have. You didn't let anyone run you off this board, you stuck with that too. If he says you are negative because you are constantly complaining then I understand where he is coming from, as I was in that rut for a while. If is because you talk about everything that has gone wrong ( venting) then that is his problem. I am told that I have a nasty tone of voice when I am in pain. Well, what do they expect, if they can't help with the pain then who needs the complaining about what we sound like. If he is making it hard to sleep at night rather than be the reason you want to wake up in the morning, then there is a problem. If he is complaining that you can't do things sometimes, rather than saying how great it is to have some time with you then there is a problem. I'm not sure if anyone can understand the pain of CH, let alone all the other problems you have, but I hope you find that person, someone who will love you for you, not time spent, or a great attitude all the time, or what you can do.
To me you have had the most positive attitude that anyone can in the situations you are facing. Of course I have only seen you in text, but even that can tell a lot about a person.
Opus/Paul
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nani
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Re: Misunderstandings? (NCH)
« Reply #2 on: Dec 13th, 2004, 9:05am » |
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I agree with Paul, Carrie. You have a great attitude, given your circumstances. That doesn't mean you don't have your down moments...Lord knows, we all do. I think it's more his problem...you deserve to have someone that loves you no matter what your mood may be at the moment. Granted...it's hard for the other person if your always down, but I don't think that's you. If he expects that his girlfriend will always be in a good mood, he wants a robot, not a girlfriend. You have every right to vent around him, that's how relationships work. Hang in there hun...it's not you.
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Jeepgun
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Re: Misunderstandings? (NCH)
« Reply #3 on: Dec 13th, 2004, 9:11am » |
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Ask him how positive he would be if you kicked him in the crotch with steeltoed boots on. Then tell him that every fuckin' day, the pain in your head is worse than that. If he still doesn't understand, invest in a pair of steeltoed boots. 
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Lizzie2
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Re: Misunderstandings? (NCH)
« Reply #4 on: Dec 13th, 2004, 9:27am » |
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Thanks. You guys have no idea how much your responses mean to me! I know I can complain and vent as good as the best of them, but honestly...I think I am pretty "chipper" despite the odds! 
I just took a walk outside, and then I bought a book on neonatology at the bookstore. It was expensive, but will be helpful! Then I went to WaWa (our convenient store HEAVEN) and bought him a 24 oz coffee, got 3 creams, sugars, and a carton of eggnog because he told me last night he likes coffee with eggnog. Of course, got myself a hot chocolate because I need to drink some fluids since I get the joy of going over to University Health to be tested for a UTI. I have problems with them!
So anyways...David was supposed to leave by 9am because he has to work today but he hasn't gotten out of bed yet. For one, he said he is tired, and then he said his head hurts. I said...want some motrin? (This is acceptable for his type of headaches!!!) He said not that kind of hurt.
So I asked, "psychiatric?" He said yes because he hurt me. I said, "When? Last night?" He said yes. I said, "Well yes you did make me upset, but I think I can survive it."  ehhhh He's still in bed...hasn't touched the coffee.
I have to go run over to UHS in a minute here to see a doctor, and then be back by 11 because Verizon is coming to take our 3 digital cable boxes away. Our deal for 3 cable boxes, HBO, and Cinemax (Skinemax!) ended because it was for around $50/month for 6 months. So they are taking the boxes and cancelling the subscribed channels and how much is it going to be for regular ole basic cable a month?? $60!!!! How nutty is that? haha
Diane (roomie) said it is hardly worth having tv. No way man. She's not taking my tv away! I live by laptop and television! And I'm not paying that $60 on my own if she plans to even watch the tv at all!! hehehe
Oh what fun.... 12 days until Christmas!!! Do we get to start singing yet???????
Lizzie2/Carrie 
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Lizzie2
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Re: Misunderstandings? (NCH)
« Reply #5 on: Dec 13th, 2004, 1:45pm » |
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Well after a lot of tears and talking and my mom also telling me on the phone that I sometimes do seem like a very negative person which got me upset all over again, I think things will be okay.
I guess I didn't realize it relates to David's ex having fibromyalgia and sort of using it to her convenience, like if she didn't want to go to dinner with his parents or something like that. She used it for attention, and so now every once in awhile if things go nuts with me, it triggers that in him, and he feels like I'm looking for attention. <sigh> Anything but!
Oh well...it'll be fine. Got that UTI afterall, too...so now I have Cipro...I'm prepared in case any terrorists decide to release some Anthrax this holiday season! hahaha..... (see??? looking at it with the glass half full!)
hugz,
carrie
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nani
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Re: Misunderstandings? (NCH)
« Reply #6 on: Dec 13th, 2004, 2:09pm » |
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Yuck...UTIs will really make you feel like crap. Carrie, please don't let anyone tell you you aren't allowed to bitch without being "negative". It's okay. Some folks don't know how to respond to that, so it makes them uncomfortable. Keep on doing it here...we really understand. Hang in there kiddo...love to you, nani 
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marlin
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Re: Misunderstandings? (NCH)
« Reply #7 on: Dec 13th, 2004, 2:12pm » |
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Towards the middle of one of my cycles I am certain that I'm not much fun to be around. Always apprehensive - waiting to get slammed with that next bastard attack. That and the meds. I decided a long time ago to compartmentalize. I'm not sure it helps matters. At least I'm less likely to unnecessarily say something nasty. That might make me appear like a solitary grouch but there's no way anyone can help you deal with real fucking major pain. I get out of my cycle and voila -- snap out of the hermit phase -- out comes a normal creature. What I don't know is how I would handle being chronic because of the way I cope. I have unlimited admiration for chronics for this one reason.
So, if you're episodic, you shouldn't let a that comment disturb you. You'll cheer up when the cycle's over. Otherwise ask the chronics what to do.
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Lizzie2
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Re: Misunderstandings? (NCH)
« Reply #8 on: Dec 13th, 2004, 2:41pm » |
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LOL I am chronic, and I am a hermit. But I was a hermit basically for the last 2.5 years or so, and only turned officially chronic CH this past November. I have had a chronic daily migraine for almost 4 years now, so after a certain amount of time and my attempts and "drinking and partying it away," it got old and I decided I liked tv and sleep better. But then came along the CH.
I am one to pretty much stick to myself, but I'll go out when I want to. Alcohol doesn't really trigger a CH for me which I guess could be one of the only good reasons to be a chronic CH'er! I rarely drink, but at least it allows me a little break and some fun when I do! Gonna get hit no matter what, so why not have fun for a little bit!
Lalalalalala life goes on
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kissmyglass
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Re: Misunderstandings? (NCH)
« Reply #9 on: Dec 13th, 2004, 2:56pm » |
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Chronic hermits with negative attitudes rule!!!!!!
Kick his lame ass to the curb....I'll be happy to help if need be.....
Kev
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Lizzie2
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Re: Misunderstandings? (NCH)
« Reply #10 on: Dec 13th, 2004, 3:05pm » |
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on Dec 13th, 2004, 2:56pm, kissmyglass wrote:Chronic hermits with negative attitudes rule!!!!!!
Kick his lame ass to the curb....I'll be happy to help if need be.....
Kev |
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That one definately made me smile I will be keeping his "lame ass" around for awhile because we have come to an understanding...but I do like my chronic hermit negative attitude self!
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eyes_afire
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Re: Misunderstandings? (NCH)
« Reply #11 on: Dec 13th, 2004, 6:34pm » |
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Carrie??? You... negative??? Are we talking about the same person here???
(Surely, he's never met me. By comparison, I'm so negative, that I'm nearly 'Anti-matter'. Of course, I just think I'm realistic )
--- Steve, (the pest-imist)
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marlin
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Re: Misunderstandings? (NCH)
« Reply #12 on: Dec 13th, 2004, 6:55pm » |
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on Dec 13th, 2004, 6:34pm, eyes_afire wrote:Carrie??? You... negative??? Are we talking about the same person here???
--- Steve, (the pest-imist) |
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How 'bout... Steve, the pragmatist
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Lizzie2
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Re: Misunderstandings? (NCH)
« Reply #13 on: Dec 13th, 2004, 7:28pm » |
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on Dec 13th, 2004, 6:34pm, eyes_afire wrote:Carrie??? You... negative??? Are we talking about the same person here???
(Surely, he's never met me. By comparison, I'm so negative, that I'm nearly 'Anti-matter'. Of course, I just think I'm realistic )
--- Steve, (the pest-imist) |
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Awww shoot I miss talking to you!!! That just cracked me up too!!! This is the bestest dysfunctional family ever! Maybe one of these days our schedules will actually settle down and we could plan a get together since it hasn't worked out yet!! If you get bored starting after the 27th, you can come visit me at Jefferson...wooooooohooooooooooo that's always a party!! I remember last time I was inpatient which was a year ago, Donna and Randy called me on the phone. That was fun. First time I ever talked to Randy...hehehe
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Charlie
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Re: Misunderstandings? (NCH)
« Reply #14 on: Dec 14th, 2004, 12:49am » |
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You don't seem negative to me. I don't think truly negative people ask if they are.
There is too much emphasis placed on "being positive." It's like an addiction and comes from too much psychobabble. It's okay to be negative when you're in such pain that you are dangerous. No need to be sweetness and light all the time. It's silly.
Keep doing what you're doing and we like it so far. 
Charlie
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