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Topic: Top Ten Things that dont' work for CH (comedy) (Read 471 times) |
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rextangle
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Top Ten Things that dont' work for CH (comedy)
« on: Dec 10th, 2004, 3:24pm » |
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Ok, we always talk about things that may work, or could work. I've compiled a list of things that will definitely NOT work for CH as preventative or abortive.
Sometimes, as a chronic sufferer, I need to laugh at this so I don't go insane...
1- Placing a live black widow under your tongue for 2 hours. (actually that might work...)
2- Sticking half cooked ravioli on the side that hurts.
3- Licking a shaking chihuahua for 20 minutes
4- Reading the phone book crosseyed while standing on your head (again... I'm not sure about this one)
5- Setting your hair on fire and ride a tricycle.
6- Insulting a snail
7- Dressing up in women's clothes (for guys) and singing "Miss American Pie"
8- Making lists of things that don't work
9- Eating lentils and yogurt while watching "Wizard of Oz"
10- Pretending you have athlete's foot instead of CH
Ok, I need to hit the O2 now....
Cheers,
Rex
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Jeepgun
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Re: Top Ten Things that dont' work for CH (comedy)
« Reply #1 on: Dec 10th, 2004, 3:33pm » |
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Damn Rex... sorry you're getting hit....
Continuing the list of things that DON'T work:
11. Refrigerated normal saline drops, squeezing them up the nostril on the affected side.
12. Inversion tables: This is a BIG fuckin' NO-GO!! Do NOT invert yourself upside down during a hit!!
13. Vicks vapo-rub. (It just makes you smell bad and pisses off the Beast.
14. Sitting down to a lovely anniversary dinner at a charming Italian restaurant and thinking, "Oh, here it comes, but maybe it'll just go away if I ignore it..." and trying to smile and carry on an intimate dinner conversation.
15. Tylenol Cold & Sinus: I ate cases of that shit.
16. Lying down, rolling over and thinking, "Maybe I can just go back to sleep and it will go away.."
17. Talking about it with someone who has no clue about cluster headaches.
18. Inhaling the barrel of a .38 Special. (Well, that might work, but it's a rather messy and permanent solution...)
19. Aspirin
20. Excedrin Migraine (Not even taking 5 or 6 of them!)
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Bandette74
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Re: Top Ten Things that dont' work for CH (comedy)
« Reply #2 on: Dec 10th, 2004, 6:14pm » |
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on Dec 10th, 2004, 3:33pm, Jeepgun wrote:Damn Rex... sorry you're getting hit....
Continuing the list of things that DON'T work:
11. Refrigerated normal saline drops, squeezing them up the nostril on the affected side.
12. Inversion tables: This is a BIG fuckin' NO-GO!! Do NOT invert yourself upside down during a hit!!
13. Vicks vapo-rub. (It just makes you smell bad and pisses off the Beast.
14. Sitting down to a lovely anniversary dinner at a charming Italian restaurant and thinking, "Oh, here it comes, but maybe it'll just go away if I ignore it..." and trying to smile and carry on an intimate dinner conversation.
15. Tylenol Cold & Sinus: I ate cases of that shit.
16. Lying down, rolling over and thinking, "Maybe I can just go back to sleep and it will go away.."
17. Talking about it with someone who has no clue about cluster headaches.
18. Inhaling the barrel of a .38 Special. (Well, that might work, but it's a rather messy and permanent solution...)
19. Aspirin
20. Excedrin Migraine (Not even taking 5 or 6 of them!) |
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NO KIDDING about all of these, though the black widow under the tongue above... now, unless you've tried it, don't knock it!
21. drinking a bottle of tequila plus worm
22. listening to wagner operas on your new bose system to see how loud those speakers really get
23. tea of eye of newt and mangrove root with a wormroot chaser
24. ibuprofen--they're sugar pills i tell you!!
25. yelling at your telephone when it rings (psssst. it still rings)
26. eating a jar of prepared horseradish or sniffing wasabi powder. don't do it. learn from those who know.
27. hopping up and down on a pogo stick for three hours whilst singing "zippity do dah" to help you think "positively"
28. listening to your friend/parent/doctor/significant other tell you it's not a physical problem--you're just depressed/stressed/(insert any psychological cause here)
29. mind-blowing sex (unless you're shadowing, and it truly is "mind-blowing"
30. bungee jumping (now i haven't actually tried this--it just seems wrong)
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Teaudire non possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure
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yikes-another-one
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Re: Top Ten Things that dont' work for CH (comedy)
« Reply #3 on: Dec 10th, 2004, 7:03pm » |
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Holding your breath
Puffing your cheeks out
Hank Williams Jr. Concerts....definitely do not help
(something to do with decibel level....)
one thing to be thankful about...
hugs don't take the pain away, but they also don't hurt
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Psalm 23 - Goodness and mercy shall follow US all the days of our lives and WE will dwell in the house of LOVE forever.
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marlin
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Re: Top Ten Things that dont' work for CH (comedy)
« Reply #4 on: Dec 10th, 2004, 7:19pm » |
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And ...drum roll... Going into a crowd of cheering happy people with a K10!!!!!
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Bandette74
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Re: Top Ten Things that dont' work for CH (comedy)
« Reply #5 on: Dec 10th, 2004, 7:34pm » |
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on Dec 10th, 2004, 7:19pm, marlin wrote:| And ...drum roll... Going into a crowd of cheering happy people with a K10!!!!! |
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AAARRRRGGGGAAAAAAAAA!!!! 
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Bandette74
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Re: Top Ten Things that dont' work for CH (comedy)
« Reply #6 on: Dec 10th, 2004, 7:35pm » |
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on Dec 10th, 2004, 7:03pm, Tetris-addict wrote:Holding your breath
Puffing your cheeks out
Hank Williams Jr. Concerts....definitely do not help
(something to do with decibel level....)
one thing to be thankful about...
hugs don't take the pain away, but they also don't hurt
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Teaudire non possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure
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BobG
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Re: Top Ten Things that dont' work for CH (comedy)
« Reply #7 on: Dec 11th, 2004, 12:46pm » |
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on Dec 10th, 2004, 7:03pm, Tetris-addict wrote:Hank Williams Jr. Concerts....definitely do not help
(something to do with decibel level....)
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I don't think it's the decibel level. I think it's Hank Williams Jr.
Something about rich drunken drugged-out city boys singing howling about how wonderful it is to be a poor drunken hick just turns me off.
Quote:one thing to be thankful about...
hugs don't take the pain away, but they also don't hurt
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Yep! 
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marlin
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Re: Top Ten Things that dont' work for CH (comedy)
« Reply #8 on: Dec 11th, 2004, 1:23pm » |
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I guess everyone responds differently. Hugs are the LAST thing I want during a major hit.
I prefer to be left ALONE. Probably because I'm not going to say anything pleasant to anyone at one of those times and partly for the general public's safety. I just don't want anyone touching me period. My whole body is hyper-sensitive and my head is STRICTLY OFF LIMITS.
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Charlie
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Re: Top Ten Things that dont' work for CH (comedy)
« Reply #9 on: Dec 11th, 2004, 4:01pm » |
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Shooting yourself through the Manhattan telephone directory to muffle the shot. Bullet only makes it to R. Use a .44 next time.
Other forms of DIY anesthesiology, likely are more effective.
Salvation Army weapons: Ineffective.
Don't get me started kids.
For me, listening to ANYTHING other than my own heartbeat during a hit, was like getting hit twice. "Help" from anyone is useless and dangerous for the "helpee."
Such a fun bunch, we are.
Charlie
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Redneck
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Re: Top Ten Things that dont' work for CH (comedy)
« Reply #10 on: Dec 11th, 2004, 5:12pm » |
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on Dec 11th, 2004, 1:23pm, marlin wrote:I guess everyone responds differently. Hugs are the LAST thing I want during a major hit.
I prefer to be left ALONE. Probably because I'm not going to say anything pleasant to anyone at one of those times and partly for the general public's safety. I just don't want anyone touching me period. My whole body is hyper-sensitive and my head is STRICTLY OFF LIMITS. |
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And if I get up and come out of the back room !
Run for your fucking life, he's done gone crazy !
One more thing that don't work
Sniffing kerosene.
Almost forgot:
Covering yourself in Karo syrup and rolling in a fireant bed.
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| « Last Edit: Dec 11th, 2004, 5:17pm by Redneck » |
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brain_cramps
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Re: Top Ten Things that dont' work for CH (comedy)
« Reply #11 on: Dec 11th, 2004, 5:21pm » |
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on Dec 11th, 2004, 12:46pm, BobG wrote:I don't think it's the decibel level. I think it's Hank Williams Jr.
Something about rich drunken drugged-out city boys singing howling about how wonderful it is to be a poor drunken hick just turns me off. |
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Cynlee
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Re: Top Ten Things that dont' work for CH (comedy)
« Reply #12 on: Dec 11th, 2004, 9:02pm » |
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Tea tree oil in your eyeball!
Hurts like hell, almost like no other pain. Might be effective for those who have friends/ relatives who think you are just "depressed or stressed". 
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Cerberus
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Re: Top Ten Things that dont' work for CH (comedy)
« Reply #13 on: Dec 11th, 2004, 11:34pm » |
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31. Plane rides
32. Motley Crue concerts
33. Midrin
34. Trap and Skeet shooting
35. running up and down the street nekkid wearing a kaiser helmet and singing clang clang clang went the trolley
36. Kenny G music
37. Fusion Jazz
38. Jousting ( this one is still up in the air)
39. Fuel line repair without proper ventilation
or anything containing the words "thinner" "flamable" or "combustible"
40. empty O2 tanks
Had to add a few...there is ALOT more
Ramon
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marlin
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Re: Top Ten Things that dont' work for CH (comedy)
« Reply #14 on: Dec 11th, 2004, 11:39pm » |
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Ramone, #35 in the leader by 5 lengths going down the stretch LMFAOOOOOOO!!!!!! 
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Charlie
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Re: Top Ten Things that dont' work for CH (comedy)
« Reply #15 on: Dec 12th, 2004, 3:23am » |
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Gotta do it this way and it works:
Charlie 
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Bandette74
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Re: Top Ten Things that dont' work for CH (comedy)
« Reply #16 on: Dec 12th, 2004, 1:21pm » |
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on Dec 11th, 2004, 9:02pm, Cynlee wrote:
Tea tree oil in your eyeball!
Hurts like hell, almost like no other pain. Might be effective for those who have friends/ relatives who think you are just "depressed or stressed". |
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ooooo... sympathy pains "real time". 
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