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Topic: Holiday Eating Tips Words to Live By... (Read 282 times) |
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Ree
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Holiday Eating Tips Words to Live By...
« on: Dec 9th, 2004, 2:32pm » |
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Holiday Eating Tips.....
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table
knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave
immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly! Like fine single-malt
scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You
can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it
has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into
an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me.
Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy.
Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed
potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or
whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car
with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your
eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other
people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's.
You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the
time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while
carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted
Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near
them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of
attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them
behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if
you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have
three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory
celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or
get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.
Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
Remember this motto to live by:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used
up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
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nani
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Re: Holiday Eating Tips Words to Live By...
« Reply #1 on: Dec 9th, 2004, 2:41pm » |
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 I like that Ree...
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Jeepgun
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Re: Holiday Eating Tips Words to Live By...
« Reply #2 on: Dec 9th, 2004, 2:45pm » |
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ROFL, Ree!!
Last year, someone commented on my terrible manners. I was so shocked, I nearly dropped my handful of mashed potatoes!
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Charlie
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Re: Holiday Eating Tips Words to Live By...
« Reply #3 on: Dec 9th, 2004, 2:51pm » |
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Ditto. Good one Ree.
That's hilarious too Frank.
Pass the Lutefisk
Charlie
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| « Last Edit: Dec 9th, 2004, 2:52pm by Charlie » |
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Melissa
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Re: Holiday Eating Tips Words to Live By...
« Reply #4 on: Dec 9th, 2004, 2:53pm » |
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Is Lutefisk pickled?
Cute Ree, it made me chuckle!
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cschick
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Re: Holiday Eating Tips Words to Live By...
« Reply #5 on: Dec 9th, 2004, 2:55pm » |
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Quote:"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used
up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
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LMAO! That is so true. I will arrive with a lot less organs that I started this life with - they can take everything that isn't f'd up as far as I am concerned! I have a friend that her father says they can take everything but his eyes because he wants to see which way he is headed......I don't wanna know - TAKE MY EYES, TAKE MY EYES!!!
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floridian
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Re: Holiday Eating Tips Words to Live By...
« Reply #6 on: Dec 9th, 2004, 3:09pm » |
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Still recovering from the Thanksgiving feast and the Week After Thanksgiving feast  That post is painfully funny.
And we had lutefisk and gravlax for the Week-After feast. With lingonberries!!
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| « Last Edit: Dec 9th, 2004, 3:14pm by floridian » |
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becky8
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Re: Holiday Eating Tips Words to Live By...
« Reply #7 on: Dec 9th, 2004, 3:13pm » |
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Sounds good to me!!!! No diets during the holidays!!!! 
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ExplodingEyeBall
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Re: Holiday Eating Tips Words to Live By...
« Reply #8 on: Dec 9th, 2004, 3:37pm » |
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MMMMMmmmmmmm.... Gravy.....
Isn't that a new soft drink?
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Just poke out my eye and get it over with!!!
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Jonny
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Re: Holiday Eating Tips Words to Live By...
« Reply #9 on: Dec 9th, 2004, 7:24pm » |
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on Dec 9th, 2004, 2:32pm, Ree wrote:Holiday Eating Tips.....
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table
knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave
immediately. Go next door, where they're serving milky sausage and chubby pickles. |
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Yum!!
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Grandma_Sweet_Boy
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Re: Holiday Eating Tips Words to Live By...
« Reply #10 on: Dec 9th, 2004, 7:35pm » |
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Ree - I love how you think!
Carol
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Langa
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Re: Holiday Eating Tips Words to Live By...
« Reply #11 on: Dec 9th, 2004, 7:40pm » |
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Loved #6! - I workout year-round with the exception of December...It's pointless! Not with all the yummy goodies lying around...
Langa
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broomhilda
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Re: Holiday Eating Tips Words to Live By...
« Reply #12 on: Dec 9th, 2004, 8:54pm » |
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LOL Ree, thanks for the smiles!!!
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Suck it up Princess...
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