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Topic: Raising Boys (24 thoughts to ponder) OT (Read 342 times) |
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Tiannia
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Raising Boys (24 thoughts to ponder) OT
« on: Dec 1st, 2004, 6:49pm » |
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My head is about to explode into a full attack but this even made me laugh through the shadows. Especially if you see the evil grins my 2 yr old son gets at times. I hope it makes someone else smile.
Raising Boys - 24 key points to ponder:
a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!
b) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas...
Things I've learned from my Boy's (honest and not kidding):
1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq.ft. house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with Rollerblades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing
Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all Four
walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw
the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in La Mesa, CA has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
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nani
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Re: Raising Boys (24 thoughts to ponder) OT
« Reply #1 on: Dec 1st, 2004, 6:54pm » |
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Ain't this the truth!!! #25 By the time you put the poison control center on speed dial, the staff already knows you by name.
The bad news is: It's not just boys...I have a girl like that! 
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john_d
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Re: Raising Boys (24 thoughts to ponder) OT
« Reply #2 on: Dec 1st, 2004, 6:57pm » |
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on Dec 1st, 2004, 6:49pm, Tiannia wrote:24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
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that is total bullshit!!
besides I just checked and I don't have any...
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LeLimey
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Re: Raising Boys (24 thoughts to ponder) OT
« Reply #3 on: Dec 1st, 2004, 7:00pm » |
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Okay lets see..
3 yup
5 yup
6 yup.. expensive too
7 hmmm... sort of.. that was my daughter
15 yup.. all three kids
18 yup.. all three kids AND my husband.. specially him actually...
19 yup.. learnt all about the evils of black smoke after neighbours called the fire brigade when it was belching out of my kitchen window...
22 hmmm.. daughter again
24.. note to self.. keep ol' dangerous Dave off the PC...
Thanks for the warning about the others! LMAO .. and a good giggle to boot! 
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pubgirl
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Re: Raising Boys (24 thoughts to ponder) OT
« Reply #4 on: Dec 1st, 2004, 7:08pm » |
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Tia
LMAO, that was funny.
My biggest pet peeve with little boys is their own personal plaything they keep in their pants, or rather in my little boy's case WON'T keep in his pants in public
Wendy
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Grandma_Sweet_Boy
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Re: Raising Boys (24 thoughts to ponder) OT
« Reply #5 on: Dec 1st, 2004, 7:42pm » |
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Wendy - just tell him this "Leave it alone darlin' - it'll grow"!
When he grows to be a man - he'll replace that little thang with the remote control. It's the male version of masturbating in public without being chastised. Which explains why men get so damned attached to the remote! It's part of their own private person.
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john_d
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Re: Raising Boys (24 thoughts to ponder) OT
« Reply #6 on: Dec 1st, 2004, 7:52pm » |
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that's what you think grandma, lmao 
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Gator
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Re: Raising Boys (24 thoughts to ponder) OT
« Reply #7 on: Dec 1st, 2004, 8:09pm » |
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OMFG!  I can hardly breathe or see to type I'm laughing so hard.
Thanks Tia!!!
Here's a remote for you guys!
Gator
Okay, I'll admit it.  I'm gonna go out and try the brake fluid and Chlorox thing in the morning.
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OneEyeBlind
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Re: Raising Boys (24 thoughts to ponder) OT
« Reply #8 on: Dec 1st, 2004, 9:24pm » |
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LMAO ..... now, that was funny !
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cschick
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Re: Raising Boys (24 thoughts to ponder) OT
« Reply #9 on: Dec 1st, 2004, 10:19pm » |
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hmmmm, I guess I have been living with too many boys for too long....considering the clorox and brake fluid thing myself. sounds kind of cool.
Karen who is being overrun with testosterone
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Tim_Z
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Re: Raising Boys (24 thoughts to ponder) OT
« Reply #10 on: Dec 1st, 2004, 11:36pm » |
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Read this quite a while ago and I have not tried #8 (keep meaning to though).
The funny thing is I have both of them lying around.
Two year olds are great.
Tim
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Tiannia
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Re: Raising Boys (24 thoughts to ponder) OT
« Reply #11 on: Dec 1st, 2004, 11:48pm » |
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on Dec 1st, 2004, 10:19pm, cschick wrote:hmmmm, I guess I have been living with too many boys for too long....considering the clorox and brake fluid thing myself. sounds kind of cool.
Karen who is being overrun with testosterone |
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Sad thing hun is I was trying to figure out how to do it as well... 
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Opus
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Re: Raising Boys (24 thoughts to ponder) OT
« Reply #12 on: Dec 2nd, 2004, 12:23am » |
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NO,
Brakefluid, and clorine crystals makes fire. Thats the only way to do it.
Opus/Paul
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Donna_D.
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Re: Raising Boys (24 thoughts to ponder) OT
« Reply #13 on: Dec 2nd, 2004, 12:51am » |
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As most of you know I have a four year old daughter and a two and a half year old son. There is rarely a dull moment around our house.
Lemme give you some examples....
I had to have a friend repair my VCR...couldn't seem to get a tape to go into the machine...Upon cracking open the case we discovered
Five pieces of candy
Seven Hot Wheel Cars
One poker chip
Four Army Men
A half eaten Roll
and one of my daughters Polly Pocket dolls.
My son had to work really hard to fit all that in there...and I never saw him put one thing in there...sneaky little turd.
Now let's talk about the "Food in the Hair" thing...
I made the mistake of taking a shower while the children were still awake. When I stepped out of the shower I was greeted by two children who kinda resembled the kids I had before I stepped into the shower but now they strangely looked different.....My confusion, I soon found out, was due to the fact that where they previously had hair on their heads was now caked in butter! They gave each other a "Hair Treatment" by smearing butter all over each others heads....I am still washing it out...
But wait, It gets better...
The next night....I had to answer the phone while the kids were eating dinner. I couln't have been gone more than three minutes. I returned to find that they decided to have some mashed potatoes with their butter....back to the tub we go.
THEN...
I am at my mom's house, meeting with a doctor friend of thiers, trying to close a business deal...when my daughter announces to everyone in the room..."Guess what!! My mom gets naked before she goes to sleep!!" I about fell through the damn FLOOR! I sleep in Pajama's..so I have NO clue where she got THAT tidbit of information!! My mother, of course, believed the child and proceeded to tell me the dangers of catching cold...
And that was just this week so far.....
Calgon take me away!
Kids for Sale...cheap, real cheap. 
DD
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Superpain
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Re: Raising Boys (24 thoughts to ponder) OT
« Reply #14 on: Dec 2nd, 2004, 5:35am » |
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I especially like #24! I'm busted!
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Chris
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Jeepgun
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Re: Raising Boys (24 thoughts to ponder) OT
« Reply #15 on: Dec 2nd, 2004, 8:49am » |
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Well, when *I* was a boy, I was a PERFECT angel! Harumph!!
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LeLimey
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Re: Raising Boys (24 thoughts to ponder) OT
« Reply #16 on: Dec 2nd, 2004, 11:40am » |
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Oh Donna ! I'm so sorry.. I'm trying to be sympathetic but tears are running down my face where I'm laughing so hard and a very uneasy dog has just skulked out of the room.. he thinks I'm nuts bless him! I'd like to tell you it gets better but I'm not a liar like Frank
Angel my arse!
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Jeepgun
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Re: Raising Boys (24 thoughts to ponder) OT
« Reply #17 on: Dec 2nd, 2004, 11:56am » |
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As long as no one finds out all the stuff I did when I was a boy, yes: I was an angel. ROFLMAO!! (Me horns keep me coathanger halo in place rather nicely!)
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ExplodingEyeBall
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Re: Raising Boys (24 thoughts to ponder) OT
« Reply #18 on: Dec 2nd, 2004, 12:10pm » |
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At a young age, I found that a guitar pick will burn violently for several seconds leaving only a small black spot behind when it is done.
I also found that this shouldn't be done any where near any other combustibles. 
Edited to add:
Another neat thing I found at about the same time was...
Take a clear plastic pen that has the removable insert and remove the insert part. After you catch it on fire, hold it up as high as you can and let the plastic drip to the ground as it burns.
When the drops fall, they make a real neat noise on the way to the ground.
And......
Real old television tubes should not be shot at with a .22 caliber rifle unless you are at least 50 feet away from them.
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cschick
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Re: Raising Boys (24 thoughts to ponder) OT
« Reply #19 on: Dec 2nd, 2004, 4:38pm » |
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OMG Donna! That is priceless. I have been lucky thus far with Colin but I think that is because he is an only child and doesn't come up with much on his own. He does like to take things apart though. We have gone through 3 VCR's in the past 7 years. We finally bought a DVD player. He did stick army men down the heater vent though and the electrician was unable to get them out without doing some serious damage so we still have army men in our vent. Kinda funny. My humiliation came from a visit to the local library. We were leaving and I had to pee sooooo bad so Colin had to go in with me since we were by ourselves. He was about 3 at the time. So I am sitting on the toilet peeing and he says in his LOUD voice - "Mama, do you have to go POOP? You better go poopy before we get in the car because you make stinky farts when you have to poopy!" All I heard was snickering from all the stalls. grrrrr. We beat ass out of there as soon as I pulled up and washed up!
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stevek
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Re: Raising Boys (24 thoughts to ponder) OT
« Reply #20 on: Dec 3rd, 2004, 11:46am » |
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-All the change from the car ash tray easily fits in the cassette deck and/or CD changer
-A 6.9 earthquake will not break your wife’s favorite lamp but a one year old can
-A one year old can lite a match, several of them from
-Baseballs and golf balls go through windows, but Frisbees and soccer balls will also break them
-A one year old can delete most any file from a Macintosh
-Asking a 3 year old to give you the scissors can be dangerous; they stuck in the wall next to my head.
-A preschooler will shoot an entire roll of film of the Mickey mouse shirt he is wearing
-A toddler who can hide quietly for a long period of time can really freak his parents out
-Most preschoolers will give themselves a haircut, usually a big hack out of front
-Many verbal ones but one of the funny ones
At my grandmother's funeral
Son: Dad is Heaven above us? Me: Yes, you could say that
Son: Dad is Hell below us? Me Yes, you could say that
Son: Then why are we burying Grandma in Hell?
-#1 rule -> if it is quiet, find him quickly!!!!
-And after those nice years between 5 and 10 you get preteen and teenagers with cerebral dysfunction.
And I’m really dreading my oldest going to college next year; I will miss him so much.
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Jeepgun
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Re: Raising Boys (24 thoughts to ponder) OT
« Reply #21 on: Dec 3rd, 2004, 11:56am » |
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I can totally agree with Rule #1! I was on the phone with my mom one day, and Julia was being absolutely silent. I asked my mom to hold on for a second and yelled, "Julia!? Whatever you're doing, knock it off!"
When I told my mom, she burst out laughing.
Julia has also cut a big hunk out of her hair. She also cut the whiskers off the cat, who ended up bumping into stuff for a couple of months until they grew back. She also managed to clog up the toilet by unrolling enough toilet paper to dangle in the water, and then repeatedly flushing the toilet to unwind the roll. Her "artwork" graced nearly every wall of our previous house because she awoke one morning before we did, and began uh... "decorating." Before she was potty trained, she managed to climb up onto the sideboard where we kept all of the cookbooks and stuff, and proceeded to pee all over the whole countertop. She pulled down an ornate torchier lamp with a thick/heavy glass shade and busted it into a million pieces, and we no longer have any sets of glasses or plates that match. LOL!
(And to think: There are people in the world who don't believe in poltergeists!)
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