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Topic: Billy The Kid rides again! LMAO!! (Read 387 times) |
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Jeepgun
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There's a little kid and he's all dressed up as a cowboy with the hat and chaps, vest, boots and little plastic revolvers. His dad takes him to an ice cream shop to get a snack. Well, the kid walks up to the counter and the lady working sees he's all dressed up and thinks it cute, so she asks real nicely what he wants. The kid pulls out his guns spinning them around as he's seen in all the movies and points them at the lady. "I'll have a sundae" he says and then spins his guns around a couple more times and holsters them. The lady, amazed by the little boys act asks him if he wants fudge. The kid pulls out his guns again spinning as he can and points them at the lady. "Yeah, I want fudge" And then spins his guns some more and back into the holsters. The lady then nicely asks him if he wants nuts on his sundae. Again he pulls out his gunns spinning the whole way out and points at the lady, "Yeah, throw some nuts on there as well" he says with his best western voice. The lady now doing everything she can to contain herself from the little boys act asks him, "Would you like your nuts crushed?" The boy quickly spins his guns out of the holsters and points them at the lady and says, "You want your tits blown off?"
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echo
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Re: Billy The Kid rides again! LMAO!!
« Reply #1 on: Nov 29th, 2004, 2:58pm » |
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Little jonny is dressed in his Sunday best waiting for his mother to take him to church. As he waits he climbs on his trike and rides around the house making an occassional stop, during the stop he would shout "All you ass holes wanting off, get the hell off, you dickheads on the sidewalk get your ass in gear and get the fuck on". Jonny did this several times and then stopped along side the recliner his dad was sitting in, and said the same thing. At that his father side handed him right off his trike. Jonny gets up, his hat has been slapped off, his shirt has come out of this pants, his tie is messed up and he looks at his dad, tears in his eyes and says. "It's fuck heads like you that make my bus run late!"
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| « Last Edit: Nov 29th, 2004, 2:58pm by echo » |
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cschick
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Re: Billy The Kid rides again! LMAO!!
« Reply #2 on: Nov 29th, 2004, 3:12pm » |
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Ancient Chinese Torture
A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."
"Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.
Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young,beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."
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kimmiedawn81
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Re: Billy The Kid rides again! LMAO!!
« Reply #3 on: Nov 29th, 2004, 3:15pm » |
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LMAO!!!!! 
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marlin
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Re: Billy The Kid rides again! LMAO!!
« Reply #4 on: Nov 29th, 2004, 6:35pm » |
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Little foul-mouthed Johnny's 3rd grade teacher is beginning her Letter-Word association game.
Letter "A" says teacher. Johnny's got his hand up waiving like hell. Teacher looks around and no one but Johnny has their hand raised. "OK Johnny, a word tha starts with A? Johnny yelps "not a very nice person". Teacher reprimands Johnny, "I disapprove of any foul language in my classroom - you hear me?"
Letter "B" says teacher. Johnny's hand is waiving feverishly. Teacher realizes there are a lot of B-words but fortunately other kids have their hands raised. Jane, a word that starts with B? "Boy", Jane replies. Very good.
Letter "C"? Again Johnny's hand flails. Teacher knows a lot of foul C-words and she picks Jack. "Jack, a word that begins with C?". Jack replies "Cat". "Very good", says teacher.
On this goes with Johnny wildly swinging his hands in the air for every letter with the teacher picking any kid but Johnny.
"Letter R ?" says teacher. No one but Johnny raised their hands this time.
Teacher considers it and can't think of a foul R-word so she finally asks Johnny, "Johnny, a word that begins with R?". Johnny's pleased. "Rats" says Johny....
RATS. BIG FUCKING RATS WITH COCKS 12 INCHES LONG!!!!!
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marlin
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Re: Billy The Kid rides again! LMAO!!
« Reply #5 on: Nov 29th, 2004, 6:38pm » |
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OOPS, Somehow the post got screwed up. Fixed it...
Little foul-mouthed Johnny's 3rd grade teacher is beginning her Letter-Word association game.
Letter "A" says teacher. Johnny's got his hand up waiving like hell. Teacher looks around and no one but Johnny has their hand raised. "OK Johnny, a word tha starts with A? Johnny yelps "not a very nice person". Teacher reprimands Johnny, "I disapprove of any foul language in my classroom - you hear me?"
Letter "B" says teacher. Johnny's hand is waiving feverishly. Teacher realizes there are a lot of B-words but fortunately other kids have their hands raised. Jane, a word that starts with B? "Boy", Jane replies. Very good.
Letter "C"? Again Johnny's hand flails. Teacher knows a lot of foul C-words and she picks Jack. "Jack, a word that begins with C?". Jack replies "Cat". "Very good", says teacher.
On this goes with Johnny wildly swinging his hands in the air for every letter with the teacher picking any kid but Johnny.
"Letter R ?" says teacher. No one but Johnny raised their hands this time.
Teacher considers it and can't think of a foul R-word so she finally asks Johnny, "Johnny, a word that begins with R?". Johnny's pleased. "Rats" says Johny....
RATS. BIG FUCKING RATS WITH COCKS 12 INCHES LONG!!!!!
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marlin
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Re: Billy The Kid rides again! LMAO!!
« Reply #6 on: Nov 29th, 2004, 6:40pm » |
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Freakin board edits my posts. How 'bout this...
Little foul-mouthed Johnny's 3rd grade teacher is beginning her Letter-Word association game.
Letter "A" says teacher. Johnny's got his hand up waiving like hell. Teacher looks around and no one but Johnny has their hand raised. "OK Johnny, a word tha starts with A? Johnny yelps "A$$HOLE". Teacher reprimands Johnny, "I disapprove of any foul language in my classroom - you hear me?"
Letter "B" says teacher. Johnny's hand is waiving feverishly. Teacher realizes there are a lot of B-words but fortunately other kids have their hands raised. Jane, a word that starts with B? "Boy", Jane replies. Very good.
Letter "C"? Again Johnny's hand flails. Teacher knows a lot of foul C-words and she picks Jack. "Jack, a word that begins with C?". Jack replies "Cat". "Very good", says teacher.
On this goes with Johnny wildly swinging his hands in the air for every letter with the teacher picking any kid but Johnny.
"Letter R ?" says teacher. No one but Johnny raised their hands this time.
Teacher considers it and can't think of a foul R-word so she finally asks Johnny, "Johnny, a word that begins with R?". Johnny's pleased. "Rats" says Johny....
RATS. BIG FUCKING RATS WITH COCKS 12 INCHES LONG!!!!!
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Redneck
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Re: Billy The Kid rides again! LMAO!!
« Reply #7 on: Nov 29th, 2004, 7:15pm » |
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Little Johnny had been watching them build a new house next door all summer. One day his mother was washing dishes with the kitchen window open. Little Johnny standing in the yard with his arm extended and his thumb up was intentely staring at the kitchen window. He moved his thumb up and down and side to side, then he commented loudly "that sum bitch is a quarter inch outta square".
His mother was appaled. She immediately yelled at Little Johnny to go and cut her a switch so she could whip his butt.
Little Johnny looked at her a minute, then replied "Go cut your own fucking switch, I anin't no damn electrician"
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alleyoop
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Re: Billy The Kid rides again! LMAO!!
« Reply #8 on: Nov 29th, 2004, 9:03pm » |
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on Nov 29th, 2004, 2:58pm, echo wrote:| Little jonny is dressed in his Sunday best waiting for his mother to take him to church. |
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Everyone else put a "h" in "Johnny". Hmmmm......
........................alley 
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Gator
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Re: Billy The Kid rides again! LMAO!!
« Reply #9 on: Nov 29th, 2004, 9:37pm » |
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Little Jonny's mother was watching him playing on the front porch one day. He had a bag of M&M's in one hand and their cat in the other. Every few minutes Little Jonny would toss an M&M in his mouth, bite the cat and slide down a step. After watching him do this a couple times, his mother went out and asked him what he was doing. Little Jonny replied, "I'm playing truck driver. Popping pills, eating pus$y and moving on down the line."
Gator
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Donna_D.
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Re: Billy The Kid rides again! LMAO!!
« Reply #10 on: Nov 30th, 2004, 1:37am » |
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The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students.
Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Jonny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"
"I'm in love," the boy replied.
Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"
"With you," he said.
"But Jonny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."
"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber."
DD
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echo
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Re: Billy The Kid rides again! LMAO!!
« Reply #11 on: Nov 30th, 2004, 1:49am » |
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on Nov 29th, 2004, 6:35pm, marlin wrote:| On this goes with Jonny wildly swinging his hands in the air for every letter with the teacher picking any kid but Jonny. |
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"Letter W?" says teacher. No one but Jonny raised their hands this time.
Teacher considers it and can't think of a foul W-word so she finally asks Jonny, "Johnny, a word that begins with W?". Jonny's pleased. "Womb" says Jonny....
"How sweet" says the teacher - " womb like in your mother's womb?"
"Naw" says jonny, "Wom like in fucking, Wom wom wom wom" slaming his left index finger into the circle made by his rignt index finger and thumb for emphasis.
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| « Last Edit: Nov 30th, 2004, 1:51am by echo » |
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"If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it".
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Jonny
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Re: Billy The Kid rides again! LMAO!!
« Reply #12 on: Nov 30th, 2004, 4:24pm » |
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I see I have been having lots of fun
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Leesa
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Re: Billy The Kid rides again! LMAO!!
« Reply #13 on: Nov 30th, 2004, 4:43pm » |
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ROTFLMMFAOPIMP 
Jonny has been a VERY busy boy!! LMMFAO
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LeLimey
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Re: Billy The Kid rides again! LMAO!!
« Reply #14 on: Nov 30th, 2004, 7:17pm » |
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There's this kid at school called Jonny, and he swears all the time. Now one day, the teacher is going through all the letters of the alphabet from A to Z, to see what words the kids can come up with beginning with that letter.
On A, Jonny sticks his hand up, but she can't ask him 'cos he'll say "Arsehole" or something...
Thing is, he's still doing it by the time they get to L. Again, Jonny sticks his hand up. The teacher has a long think and can't come up with a swear word beginning with that letter, so she asks him, and he says "Leprechaun".
She says, "Well done, Jonny, now what is a leprechaun?" He says, "It's a little fucker that stands about this high."
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Jonny
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Re: Billy The Kid rides again! LMAO!!
« Reply #15 on: Nov 30th, 2004, 7:28pm » |
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Did you all go to my school?
True story.....school called my Mom when I was in 1st grade and asked her why I was making animal noises.....guess they didnt know I would grow up to be a mule
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thebbz
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Re: Billy The Kid rides again! LMAO!!
« Reply #16 on: Nov 30th, 2004, 7:46pm » |
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Little jonny was in class, the teacher asked the students to use the word fascinate in a sentence.
Little jonny raised his hand . The teacher say's ok jonny
Jonny say's My sister got a new sweater. It has ten buttons on it....but her tits are so fucking big she can only fascinate.
BB
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Donna_D.
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Re: Billy The Kid rides again! LMAO!!
« Reply #17 on: Nov 30th, 2004, 9:05pm » |
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One day little Jonny comes home one day from school and his mom asks him how his day was.
He replies, "Mom, today I had sex with the teacher!"
Immediately she was angry. She said, "just wait 'till your dad gets home, he's going to be very mad at you. Go to your room!"
So the boy goes to his room and finally his dad is home and comes up to the room. The boy tells his dad and the dad is proud of the boy.
"Great job son! How old are you 12? 13? How about we go down to the store and get that shiny red bicycle you wanted?"
So, they go to the store and the dad buys the bike for his son. Then he says, "well Jonny, do you want to ride the bike home?"
The boy answers, " No, that's okay Dad, My ass is still sore!"
DD
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| « Last Edit: Nov 30th, 2004, 9:05pm by Donna_D. » |
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LeLimey
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Re: Billy The Kid rides again! LMAO!!
« Reply #18 on: Nov 30th, 2004, 9:16pm » |
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Donna wins!! Now Donna... can you please come here and get my kids back to sleep since I woke them laughing at your joke??!
Thank you very much!!
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The arsehole I'm divorcing needs to get a life and stop stalking mine
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Donna_D.
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Re: Billy The Kid rides again! LMAO!!
« Reply #19 on: Nov 30th, 2004, 9:17pm » |
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on Nov 30th, 2004, 9:16pm, LeLimey wrote: Donna wins!! Now Donna... can you please come here and get my kids back to sleep since I woke them laughing at your joke??!
Thank you very much!! |
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Only if you come over here and put MY kids to sleep....
I await bedtime with bated breath and nyquil as a backup...
DD
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