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Topic: 15 things to do to cause a riot @ Walmart. (Read 1105 times) |
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Jayne
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15 things to do to cause a riot @ Walmart.
« on: Nov 26th, 2004, 11:26am » |
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15 Things to do at Wal-Mart while your
spouse/partner is taking his sweet time:
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares . . . and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"
And, last, but not least!
15. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while; and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
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If you haven't laughed today, it's been a wasted day. 
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Jimi
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Re: 15 things to do to cause a riot @ Walmart.
« Reply #1 on: Nov 26th, 2004, 11:29am » |
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You ain't right, you just ain't right!
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I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.
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john_d
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Re: 15 things to do to cause a riot @ Walmart.
« Reply #2 on: Nov 26th, 2004, 11:30am » |
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on Nov 26th, 2004, 11:26am, Jayne wrote:15. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while; and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
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lol, I didn't want to but I laughed my ass off
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Melissa
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Re: 15 things to do to cause a riot @ Walmart.
« Reply #3 on: Nov 26th, 2004, 11:31am » |
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LOL
Holy shit, have you seen the video on TV with the throngs of people at Walmart this morning? You need a freakin cattle herder in that place.  You won't find me near a Wallyworld the day after Thanksgiving.
Bah
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Jonny
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Re: 15 things to do to cause a riot @ Walmart.
« Reply #4 on: Nov 26th, 2004, 11:32am » |
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on Nov 26th, 2004, 11:26am, Jayne wrote:| 15. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while; and then yell, very loudly, "LOOK, theres more sinkers than floaters" |
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john_d
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Re: 15 things to do to cause a riot @ Walmart.
« Reply #5 on: Nov 26th, 2004, 11:37am » |
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on Nov 26th, 2004, 11:32am, Jonny wrote:
You ain't right, you just ain't right!
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Redd
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Re: 15 things to do to cause a riot @ Walmart.
« Reply #6 on: Nov 26th, 2004, 11:46am » |
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Think I could get away with having my kids do any of these, and then blame it on teenage mischief making? 
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I saw an act of faith today. A man was on his knees, not in a pew in a Church, but in a garden planting seeds. ~~Unknown
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Donna_D.
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Re: 15 things to do to cause a riot @ Walmart.
« Reply #7 on: Nov 26th, 2004, 12:07pm » |
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What you people don't realize is that Jayne actually DOES these kinds of things....
In Nashville, we (Barbara D, Jayne and I) went to the local grocery store. Jayne picks up a handbasket, puts in on her head and starts flitting through the store saying "I'm a ballooooon!! I'm a ballooooooon!!"
I will let her tell you what she did to poor Barb when we went to Target afterwards.....Poor Barb!
Jayne, you are a riot!
DD
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LeLimey
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Re: 15 things to do to cause a riot @ Walmart.
« Reply #8 on: Nov 26th, 2004, 1:38pm » |
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on Nov 26th, 2004, 12:07pm, Donna_D. wrote:| In Nashville, we (Barbara D, Jayne and I) went to the local grocery store. Jayne picks up a handbasket, puts in on her head and starts flitting through the store saying "I'm a ballooooon!! I'm a ballooooooon!!" |
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You say that like its a BAAAAD thing!!!!
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vig
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Re: 15 things to do to cause a riot @ Walmart.
« Reply #9 on: Nov 26th, 2004, 1:42pm » |
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never, Never, NEVER quit. -Winston Churchill
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Carl_D
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Re: 15 things to do to cause a riot @ Walmart.
« Reply #10 on: Nov 26th, 2004, 1:51pm » |
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OMG! LMAO! I think me and Jayne together would be a deadly combination in public, especially since I AM THE NUT that actually does this kind of shit (Don't dare me to do it unless you're ready either for a show, or to run.)
Actually, the putting condoms in carts thing is most fun when you watch people FIGHT at the checkout ( we actually overheard while controlling the urge not to laugh hysterically a guy yell "Do you think I'd buy these while I have you with me?" Too fucking funny.
The best one to fuck up a cashier and whoever is behind you in line (my own creation):
Take a cart and fill it with KY, Vaseline, spatulas, turkey basters, condoms and BIG wine bottles. After the cashier rings you out and gives you the total, reach for your wallet and shout, "Damn, I forgot my wallet! Daddy's gonna be pissed!"
Wish we'd video'd that one for a good future laugh.
Carl D
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LeLimey
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Re: 15 things to do to cause a riot @ Walmart.
« Reply #11 on: Nov 26th, 2004, 2:02pm » |
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If someone pisses me off when shopping they get pregnancy tests if women and hugemongous boxes of tampax if men. Laxatives are another popular choice for either sex
My husband hates going shopping with me but then so does my best friend! I went down to visit her in Margate a couple of weeks ago, its about 3 hours away from where I live so no one knows me...
She went down one aisle and asked me to get her a box of tampax from the next aisle so I did.. and threw them over the top (well actually I threw about six packs)... hit everyone but her and I was yelling "Are these the right ones?"
I then walked away and as I was walking with crutches no one suspected me at all!
When we got to the checkouts I knew she would be paying by debit card so I kept calling her Maureen ( her name is Lisa) and you should've seen the girl on the checkout not knowing whether to process the payment or not.. I loved every minute!
If laughter really is the best medicine then I should be the healthiest person going! Unfortunately I'm still recovering from the bruises she gave me in the car park!
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broomhilda
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Re: 15 things to do to cause a riot @ Walmart.
« Reply #12 on: Nov 26th, 2004, 2:04pm » |
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Suck it up Princess...
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Jonny
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Re: 15 things to do to cause a riot @ Walmart.
« Reply #13 on: Nov 26th, 2004, 2:29pm » |
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on Nov 26th, 2004, 2:02pm, LeLimey wrote:
When we got to the checkouts I knew she would be paying by debit card so I kept calling her Maureen ( her name is Lisa) and you should've seen the girl on the checkout not knowing whether to process the payment or not.. I loved every minute!
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You are bad!!!!.....LMAO........As bad as I am
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Kevin_M
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Re: 15 things to do to cause a riot @ Walmart.
« Reply #14 on: Nov 26th, 2004, 3:14pm » |
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on Nov 26th, 2004, 11:26am, Jayne wrote:| 15 Things to do at Wal-Mart... |
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Hmmm... some Jaynee hijinks again.
Let's see... shopping... shopping... shopping... Oh, here's what I've been looking for: Quote:| Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" |
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Next, onto outdoor activities, where Jayne...
Quote:| Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. |
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And, if lucky to be randomly selected and prepared like a Boy Scout, Quote:| Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they aren't looking. |
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Now, 15 "other" things to do at Walmart come to mind, but... after waiting for Jaynee to finish freshening up: Quote:| Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and pick your nose |
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Finding out I got the tent invite to help sort all her damn shoes.
Ok, I know what list Santa put me on. 
Kevin M
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| « Last Edit: Nov 26th, 2004, 5:02pm by Kevin_M » |
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Jayne
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Re: 15 things to do to cause a riot @ Walmart.
« Reply #15 on: Nov 26th, 2004, 4:29pm » |
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about a year ago I was in walgreens...I was about to purchase, tampax a douche set and some sanitary pads. The woman next to me in line had an extra large bag of large depends and a "happy birthday" baloon.
The poor spotty pubescent clerk was all a fluster, and I was trying to stifle my laughter as his hands shook and he kept making mistakes on the register.
I got out of walgreens and laughed so hard I was nearly in need of some depends...that poor guy.
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kimmiedawn81
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Re: 15 things to do to cause a riot @ Walmart.
« Reply #16 on: Nov 26th, 2004, 4:54pm » |
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I work at Wal-Mart, and I was there bright and early for all of the fun (yeah right). People are crazy. There was a line waiting to get in the door that formed around 3 a.m. Once we opened the doors at 6 a.m. they run in as if they are going to war, however this year wasn't near as bad as last year. I hate that place!
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Redneck
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Re: 15 things to do to cause a riot @ Walmart.
« Reply #17 on: Nov 26th, 2004, 5:49pm » |
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DITTO
hate that place, been in twice in the last 5 years and left pissed off both times. Love the ideas though, I may have to go back
LMAO
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IndianaJohn
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Re: 15 things to do to cause a riot @ Walmart.
« Reply #18 on: Nov 26th, 2004, 6:31pm » |
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Thanks for the much needed laugh!
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Did my brains fall out or is this headache over?
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Jayne
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Re: 15 things to do to cause a riot @ Walmart.
« Reply #19 on: Nov 26th, 2004, 8:17pm » |
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I walked into Walmart today with the intention of getting some well needed crap.
Once in the middle of the strore, I saw all these shopping carts coming at me from all directions...said to myself, "fuck this for a game of soldiers" left my cart right there and headed for the exit.
The funny thing is, I have attempted to shop at Walmart three times this year....and three times I left empty handed. That place is tooooo much...it's overwhelming.
It's consumer overload at it's best.
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john_d
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Re: 15 things to do to cause a riot @ Walmart.
« Reply #20 on: Nov 26th, 2004, 8:19pm » |
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hey, go to Target for a game of soldiers, the aisles actually have enough room for more than one cart
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cschick
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Re: 15 things to do to cause a riot @ Walmart.
« Reply #21 on: Nov 26th, 2004, 8:24pm » |
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I was a little afraid this morning going to the MORNING MADNESS sale - they ain't jokin'! Shoot, I was afraid I was going to leave with cart wheel tracks on my back. Got what I wanted and got the hell out of Dodge, so to speak.
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LeLimey
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Re: 15 things to do to cause a riot @ Walmart.
« Reply #22 on: Nov 26th, 2004, 8:31pm » |
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no no no no no girls and boys! NO! you aren't going out in the right mindset at all. Girls.. stick a brick in your handbag. I KNOW it makes it heavy but - it is SUCH a satisfying "clunk" when you whack it against the shins of someone who has been bugging you.
You need to get those trollies and drive defensively.. ie right at them, especially if you can do it with a gleam in your eye, twitching your shoulder and alternately muttering and cackling very loud. I can guarantee everyone will stay right out of your way and your shopping will be accomplished with a minimum of fuss.
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Jayne
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Re: 15 things to do to cause a riot @ Walmart.
« Reply #23 on: Nov 26th, 2004, 8:36pm » |
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on Nov 26th, 2004, 8:31pm, LeLimey wrote:no no no no no girls and boys! NO! you aren't going out in the right mindset at all. Girls.. stick a brick in your handbag. I KNOW it makes it heavy but - it is SUCH a satisfying "clunk" when you whack it against the shins of someone who has been bugging you.
You need to get those trollies and drive defensively.. ie right at them, especially if you can do it with a gleam in your eye, twitching your shoulder and alternately muttering and cackling very loud. I can guarantee everyone will stay right out of your way and your shopping will be accomplished with a minimum of fuss.
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Yes, you are exactly the reason I got the hell out of walmart today.....were you there?
You know, they say that men are the "hunters and the gatherers." I disagree...just go shopping the day after thanksgiving and tell me who the real "Hunters" are.
Women with bricks in their bags and twitching eyes.
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cschick
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Re: 15 things to do to cause a riot @ Walmart.
« Reply #24 on: Nov 26th, 2004, 8:49pm » |
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I am much too mellow of a person to face that mess again in this lifetime! I will be staying home where I belong next year day after Thanksgiving! SCARY SHIT! Helen I think I may have seen you today, too! Are you sure you live in England?
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