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Topic: Bloody Kids!! (Read 604 times) |
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LeLimey
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Bloody Kids!!
« on: Nov 5th, 2004, 3:54pm » |
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I'm sitting here at the 'puter at the moment and the kids were chatting quietly while watching "Hocus Pocus".. again! 
My nine year old, Barnaby suddenly came out with "I think Grandad should marry Gran as then they wouldn't both be lonely" (
My husbands GP's Maternal grandad and Paternal Grandma)
My ten year old daughter Brid looked at him with that withering look girls can't usually manage until they are mid teens and said in a really PATRONISING voice " Don't be SOOOO stupid Barney.. they can't get married. Grandad eats meat and Gran's a VAGINA"
I'm sitting here choking, coughing and getting hiccups pretending to be laughing at something one of you lot has written!
Oh boy.. is THAT ever going in her dad's speech when she gets married!!! 
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Jeepgun
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BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Holy shit... That's the funniest thing I've read all day! LMAO!! 
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vig
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Re: Bloody Kids!!
« Reply #2 on: Nov 5th, 2004, 3:59pm » |
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never, Never, NEVER quit. -Winston Churchill
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broomhilda
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Re: Bloody Kids!!
« Reply #3 on: Nov 5th, 2004, 4:01pm » |
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LMFAO!!!
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Suck it up Princess...
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Gator
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Re: Bloody Kids!!
« Reply #4 on: Nov 5th, 2004, 4:05pm » |
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ROFLMAO! Out of the mouths of babes! You really couldn't make up stories half as funny as the real ones where kids are involved.
My poor computer. I'm glad I spent the extra few bucks on a spill proof keyboard. And don't worry about the monitor, I always clean the screen with coffee. I'm just glad I don't take cream and sugar!
Still giggling
Gator
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LeLimey
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Re: Bloody Kids!!
« Reply #5 on: Nov 5th, 2004, 4:24pm » |
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Oh my kids are multi-talented.. at any given time they can piss me off and embarrass me simultaneously!
At least that one was at home..
When Barney was five we had lunch in Ikea while shopping one day and as David and I were queueing to put our trays away Barney reached out and grabbed the bum of the girl who was cleaning all the trays. He really GRABBED it mind and she shot around and GLARED at my poor husband who, luckily! had his hands full carrying trays! 
She looked downwards seeking the culprit and when she saw it was only Barney she smiled and said "J bet you learned that from your dad!"
I was younger and more naive in those days and made the mistake of saying "Why did you do that?" 
With his BIG blue eyes brimming and his bottom lip trembling my precocious little pervert announced (LOUDLY) "'Cos I couldn't reach her boobies!!!"
To this day I still haven't EVER seen my husband exiting anywhere as fast as he did that restaurant.... 
And guess what?!
We haven't been back to that branch either!!!
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Jeepgun
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ROFLMAO!! You're killin' me!! *roaring with laughter and receiving odd looks from coworkers*
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ExplodingEyeBall
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Re: Bloody Kids!!
« Reply #7 on: Nov 5th, 2004, 4:31pm » |
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Thanks for the laughs. It's a great thing to end the work week with.
Kids are great aren't they.
Yesterday, my 3 year old told me "I wish GrandMa could come down from heaven for a while so we could give her a hug.", and then she notified me that she wants to be an ambulance driver when she gets bigger so she can drive fast and go through the red lights.
Pat
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Just poke out my eye and get it over with!!!
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Jeepgun
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I was trying not to swear when driving. Julia was three years old and sitting in the backseat in her car seat. Someone cut me off and I had to slam on the brakes. I didn't say a word, but a few seconds later, this sweet little voice pipes up from the backseat, "Azzhole..."
I started laughing and Mari started hitting my shoulder yelling, "SEE?? You SEE?? She DOES listen to you!!"
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ExplodingEyeBall
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Re: Bloody Kids!!
« Reply #9 on: Nov 5th, 2004, 4:39pm » |
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Mackenzie has started saying COME ON PEEEEEOPLE!!! when ever someone drives slow in front of me or stops for no reason.
I wonder where she got that from???
She has a NASCAR career ahead of her already.
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Just poke out my eye and get it over with!!!
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LeLimey
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Re: Bloody Kids!!
« Reply #10 on: Nov 5th, 2004, 4:45pm » |
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Kids in cars.... oooh wheee! I shall save those stories for another day
I'm the worlds worst person to be around kids when they swear as I can't help bursting out laughing.. I know I shouldn't but there is something so funny about little kids using bad words! 
I truly did not know the meaning of embarrassment until I had kids.. Hirv I hope you are taking note of all this!
My older two used to want to be a soldier and a nurse.. Barney was going to kill everyone and Brid was going to make them all better!
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Jeepgun
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As a child, I was well-acquainted with the taste of Irish Spring. Let me just clue you in: It tastes like SHIT!!
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LeLimey
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Re: Bloody Kids!!
« Reply #12 on: Nov 5th, 2004, 5:19pm » |
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Oh I have a better punishment.. I give them a spoon of cod liver oil!
I'm not saying I have bad kids or anything but they do have really shiny hair!!
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Tara Ann
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Re: Bloody Kids!!
« Reply #13 on: Nov 5th, 2004, 6:16pm » |
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on Nov 5th, 2004, 5:08pm, Jeepgun wrote:| As a child, I was well-acquainted with the taste of Irish Spring. Let me just clue you in: It tastes like SHIT!! |
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Esp when parents make you bite down. What a pain it is getting it outta your teeth!
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nani
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Re: Bloody Kids!!
« Reply #14 on: Nov 5th, 2004, 7:24pm » |
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mooshie has always been very dramatic. About 2 years ago (age 7), she was having kind of a bad day when all of a sudden she throws her hand back against her forehead and exclaimed "OH- my aching testicles!!!" Use of the word testicles does not occur often around my house, but it's not forbidden. I said "honey- where on earth did you hear that?!" She said "SpongeBob, nani, squidword says ir all the time." "Sweetie" I say, "Squidword is a squid and he's referring to his tentacles." "Testicles, tentacles...it's all the same to me. I don't have either."
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LeLimey
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Re: Bloody Kids!!
« Reply #15 on: Nov 5th, 2004, 7:27pm » |
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Aren't you glad you were at home when that happend?!! LMAO
Has mooshie drawn any nice pictures lately? *hint, hint* 
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nani
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Re: Bloody Kids!!
« Reply #16 on: Nov 5th, 2004, 7:35pm » |
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Yes I'm very glad we were at home, mostly because I almost peed my pants laughing!
I'm trying to figure out how to post mooshie's pics so they can be seen. I have one posted on the tech problems board as a test, but you can't see it (too small) I haven't given up, just very busy. Her HA pics are great. A nail being hammered into an eye, a pic of me w/ an icepack and a cig sitting pathetically in our laundry room w/ tears in my eyes. She even drew the washer and dryer in 3D and included details like dirty clothes and hangers. I'll keep trying...
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Ree
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Re: Bloody Kids!!
« Reply #17 on: Nov 5th, 2004, 7:41pm » |
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One of my daycare kids mom came in laughing one day saying that she cursed at someone calling them a STUPID ASS HOLE and her 3 year old said "MOM!!! YOU SAID STUPID!!!!!"
wait til the kid realizes that Ass hole is worse than Stupid...
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| « Last Edit: Nov 5th, 2004, 7:43pm by Ree » |
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cschick
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ROTFLMAO!!!!!
I have a few from my wonderful son. God love him.
Earlier this week I was driving him to daycare and he was jabbering away and I was just nodding and saying uh-huh when this comes out of his mouth "Hey, Mommy (every sentence begins like that!), we are learning about the heart and my teacher always asks me what the one part of the heart is called and I can never remember I think it is called something like, vvvv, um, vv, um, oh yeah, Viagra."  I almost crashed the truck before I realized he meant ventricle. God help me it's not a wonder I am grey at 29. Thank God for Miss Clairol. Sick as this is I am soooo glad to read other people have children like mine! I have a lot more - I will just have to remember them all. Keep 'em coming guys I love it!
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cschick
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I just thought of another one. We were driving to St Louis to take my niece and nephew home who are 14 and 16. Colin is sitting in the back between them when he goes "Hey Mommy (told ya every sentence begins like that!) Ryan just said a BAD word!" I said "What did he say?" He goes "It was a REALLY bad word, Mommy, I can't say it!" I told him it was okay he wouldn't get in trouble, so he says "Ryan said beyotch, but he said the real word!" My sister and I laughed so hard I pee'd my pants!
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vig
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Re: Bloody Kids!!
« Reply #20 on: Nov 5th, 2004, 10:10pm » |
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We got a call from the school once that our boy (my ex's from a previous) had called one of the little girls in his class a lesbian.
He got punished, but after he went to bed, we couldn't stop laughing...
Where do they pick these things up?
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nani
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Re: Bloody Kids!!
« Reply #21 on: Nov 6th, 2004, 12:37am » |
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Thought of another- about a year ago mooshie happened to walk into the room while I was watching CNN. Knowing that I really don't want her to watch the news(too graphic), She glanced sideways at the TV at the moment they showed a picture of a baby born with two heads. She stopped dead in her tracks and asked (rather alarmed) "What the heck is THAT about?" I explained that the baby was born with a birth defect and they were going to attempt to do surgery on him. At this news, she rolled her eyes. hung her head down and shook it back and forth and I heard her mutter as she left the room "Yep- that's what happens when cousins marry cousins..." Where she gets this stuff - I just don't know
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nani
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Re: Bloody Kids!!
« Reply #23 on: Nov 10th, 2004, 1:22am » |
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I had to bring this one back.. I thought of two more hilarious ones! Driving the carpool to school one day one of the neighbor kids asked me if I ever said bad words because she never heard me use one (she's aound my house A LOT). I explained that I felt people resorted to using profanity only if they are very frustrated or have a limited vocabulary. "Does that mean they're not smart?" she asked. "Well- I guess you could say they aren't "word" smart, there are always words to describe things without cursing." "Well then, you know what... (her face scrunched up-deep in thought) my parents are NOT SMART AT ALL!" It was everything I had not to lose control of the car, I was laughing so hard...
Another classic- We were taking one of the kid's friends along on an errand and passed a hospital. "That's where they took my Dad when he had his heart attack!" he said. (I know the family well and had not heard that before)"Honey- when did your Dad have a heart attack?" "While he was in jail." he confidently told me. "Dylan- your Dad has NOT been to jail-where did you get that idea?" "He hasn't? Oh- well maybe it's just one of those things that only happened in my head." 
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Melissa
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LeLimey, my son Eli is 1yr and 4 months old, and he likes to touch waitresses. He's taken off a couple of their aprons, pulled out their pens and notepads, and feels them up the leg.
I have sooooooooo much trouble on my hands.
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