Author |
Topic: Breaking Election News... (Read 444 times) |
|
JDH
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
We will get by, We will survive!
Gender: 
Posts: 2453
|
 |
Breaking Election News...
« on: Nov 4th, 2004, 3:26pm » |
 Quote  Modify
|
BREAKING ELECTION NEWS: NEW ENGLAND, NEW YORK CITY SECEDE
Kerry To Lead Breakaway Republic
Boston (Reuters) In a fiery concession speech at Boston's historic Faneuil Hall, defeated Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry accepted the now inevitable conclusion of a long 2004 election night: New England and New York City seceding from the Union.
"The voters have spoken and I respect that process," said the Massachusetts senator, before an audience of friends, family, supporters and campaign staff. "And the voters have told us that it's time for tolerant, open minded and sane Americans to form our own nation."
Kerry gave words to what many of his fervent supporters have long believed. "If the rest of the nation wants to be led by a bunch of gay-bashing, war-mongering, corporate-sleeper evangelicals, so be it," said the Senator. "We chose to live in peace, harmony and fiscal sanity east of the Hudson river."
Legions of lawyers working for the Kerry campaign have shifted their attention from voting booth challenges to the legal paperwork required for setting up a new country. "We'll have the world's 6th largest economy, the world's most highly educated populace, the best NFL team, and the best baseball rivalry," said Kerry. "Once Kofi approves the paperwork and the new letterhead comes in we'll be our own. Thank god."
Kerry stressed this path was the only way for the nation to begin the process of healing. "As a thrice decorated Vietnam vet I saw men whose only hope of life was the sweet, swift and sharp healing of amputating an infected and shrapnel filled limb," said the hoarse Senator. "And now we must amputate the cancerous red state tumor that is otherwise known as Bush's America."
Details were not firmed up as to the fate of Democratic supporters in the mid-west, Pacific west coast, and District of Columbia. "Blue state citizens will be automatically eligible for membership in New America (TM)," stressed Kerry. "The rest of you bible thumpers, Humvee drivers and NRA members can take your assault rifles, Confederate flags and gay marriage bans and choke on the arsenic laden water and $6.50 per gallon gas prices that your vote has bought you. Best of luck with Iraq, by the way."
Bush officials had no comment, other than to confirm the pending elimination of the E.P.A., the reduction of the minimum wage to $2.00 per hour, the reinstatement of the Dred Scott decision and the nomination of Ralph Reed to replace William Rehnquist on the Supreme Court.
Meanwhile, Providence, Rhode Island was being strongly considered as a symbolic location for the new nation's capital. "More than 300 years ago, Anne Hutchinson led a stubborn band of colonists who refused to recognize the maniacal, religious right morality of the Puritans and went off to form Rhode Island," reminded Kerry. "Today, we refuse to recognize the Puritanical zealotry of John Ashcroft, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld and form our own nation, free of Cracker Barrels, Dale Earnhardt memorials and Lee Greenwood. This is a great day for New England."
|
|
 IP Logged |
9-11-01, to remember is to honor.
It's not what you know, it's what you can prove.
ECH established 1985
|
|
|
Jeepgun
Guest
|
|
Re: Breaking Election News...
« Reply #1 on: Nov 4th, 2004, 4:38pm » |
Quote Modify
 Remove
|
Good. Hope they don't let the door hit them in the ass on the way out. Take Ted Kennedy and most of Hollywood too, please.
|
|
IP Logged |
|
|
|
Hirvimaki
New Board Hall of Famer
Quod me nutrit me destruit.
   
Gender:
Posts: 1105
|
|
Re: Breaking Election News...
« Reply #2 on: Nov 4th, 2004, 4:46pm » |
Quote Modify
|
on Nov 4th, 2004, 3:26pm, JDH wrote:| "We chose to live in peace, harmony and fiscal sanity east of the Hudson river." |
|
That is quite possibly the funniest thing I have read all week. I'm glad to see the original meaning of Utopia has been restored: no-place.
Hirvimaki-Isi
|
|
IP Logged |
"What makes us discontented with our condition is the absurdly exaggerated idea we have of the happiness of others."
|
|
|
Lobster
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Gender:
Posts: 2016
|
|
Re: Breaking Election News...
« Reply #3 on: Nov 4th, 2004, 4:48pm » |
Quote Modify
|
I saw a post elsewhere about 'Blue America'... a liberal breakaway... very funny.
That said, there is an effort to move a pack of Libertarians to New Hampshire...
http://www.freestateproject.org
That idea is more appealing to me... an entitlement-free society.
|
|
IP Logged |
Rock beats Scissors.
|
|
|
Hirvimaki
New Board Hall of Famer
Quod me nutrit me destruit.
Gender:
Posts: 1105
|
|
Re: Breaking Election News...
« Reply #4 on: Nov 4th, 2004, 4:57pm » |
Quote Modify
|
on Nov 4th, 2004, 4:48pm, Rock_Lobster wrote:| ...an entitlement-free society... |
|
Ah, now that would be Nirvana indeed.
Hirvimaki-Isi
|
|
IP Logged |
"What makes us discontented with our condition is the absurdly exaggerated idea we have of the happiness of others."
|
|
|
Tom K
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Wait 5 days, but I'm angry now...
Gender:
Posts: 1038
|
|
Re: Breaking Election News...
« Reply #5 on: Nov 4th, 2004, 6:02pm » |
Quote Modify
|
on Nov 4th, 2004, 4:48pm, Rock_Lobster wrote:I saw a post elsewhere about 'Blue America'... a liberal breakaway... very funny.
That said, there is an effort to move a pack of Libertarians to New Hampshire...
http://www.freestateproject.org
That idea is more appealing to me... an entitlement-free society. |
|
Weren't these guys in Montana, called Militiamen and smeared by the media? Oh, wait...those were conservitives who did that.
T
|
| « Last Edit: Nov 4th, 2004, 6:02pm by Tom K » |
IP Logged |
"America, you're so fine, you're so fine, you blow my mind. America, America."-Bart Simpson
|
|
|
Charlie
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Happy to be here
 
Gender:
Posts: 14968
|
|
Re: Breaking Election News...
« Reply #6 on: Nov 4th, 2004, 8:24pm » |
Quote Modify
|
Quote:| Good. Hope they don't let the door hit them in the ass on the way out. Take Ted Kennedy and most of Hollywood too, please. |
|
Fine. We havd Teddy, you have Tom Delay, Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell and Zel Miller.
The losers would be the red states. No one to bash but themselves. It would be like a time warp. Bush would make an excellent 19th Century President.
Oh. We'll need a California corridor of some kind.
Charlie
|
| « Last Edit: Nov 4th, 2004, 8:28pm by Charlie » |
IP Logged |
There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
|
|
|
Kris_in_SJ
New Board Hall of Famer
There's no place like home.
Gender: 
Posts: 1539
|
|
Re: Breaking Election News...
« Reply #7 on: Nov 4th, 2004, 8:45pm » |
Quote Modify
|
Hey JDH!
Do I need a passport to come live there? I always liked New England, anyway .....
Kris
|
|
IP Logged |
I'm a small woman in small town being chased by a VERY BIG BEAST!
|
|
|
Jeepgun
Guest
|
|
Re: Breaking Election News...
« Reply #9 on: Nov 5th, 2004, 7:37am » |
Quote Modify
Remove
|
Touche', Charlie. Tom Delay, Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell and Zel Miller: What a bunch of azzholes.... *sigh*If we have to put up with them, you will have to put up with Hillary Clinton, though. *shudder* (A fate worse than death!) LOL!
|
|
IP Logged |
|
|
|
M.R.
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Old Timer
Gender:
Posts: 379
|
|
Re: Breaking Election News...
« Reply #10 on: Nov 5th, 2004, 9:24am » |
Quote Modify
|
In further breaking news, the rest of the country traded New England to Canada for a new strain of Brook Trout, several trucks of Labatts, and some shrubbery.
|
|
IP Logged |
Calling an illegal alien an undocumented immigrant is like calling a drug dealer a unlicensed pharmacist..
|
|
|
Jeepgun
Guest
|
|
Re: Breaking Election News...
« Reply #11 on: Nov 5th, 2004, 9:43am » |
Quote Modify
Remove
|
"A shrubbery!?"
|
|
IP Logged |
|
|
|
M.R.
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Old Timer
Gender:
Posts: 379
|
|
Re: Breaking Election News...
« Reply #12 on: Nov 5th, 2004, 9:51am » |
Quote Modify
|
Some shrubbery.
|
|
IP Logged |
Calling an illegal alien an undocumented immigrant is like calling a drug dealer a unlicensed pharmacist..
|
|
|
Tom K
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Wait 5 days, but I'm angry now...
Gender:
Posts: 1038
|
|
Re: Breaking Election News...
« Reply #13 on: Nov 5th, 2004, 11:32am » |
Quote Modify
|
on Nov 5th, 2004, 9:43am, Jeepgun wrote:
"Chop down the mightiest tree in the forest with...a herring."
T
|
|
IP Logged |
"America, you're so fine, you're so fine, you blow my mind. America, America."-Bart Simpson
|
|
|
floridian
Guest
|
|
Re: Breaking Election News...
« Reply #14 on: Nov 5th, 2004, 11:39am » |
Quote Modify
Remove
|
Speaking of Mr. Python, did you hear John Cleese's latest bit?
How many Bush administration officials does it take to change a light bulb?
None. There’s nothing wrong with that light bulb. There is no need to change anything. We made the right decision and nothing has happened to change our minds. People who criticize this light bulb now, just because it doesn’t work anymore, supported us when we first screwed it in, and when these flip-floppers insist on saying that it is burned out, they are merely giving aid and encouragement to the Forces of Darkness.
|
|
IP Logged |
|
|
|
Kirk
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
VINIMUS, VIDIMUS, DOLAVIMUS
 
Gender:
Posts: 1914
|
|
Re: Breaking Election News...
« Reply #15 on: Nov 5th, 2004, 11:46am » |
Quote Modify
|
Hmmmmmmmmm Looking at resources and infrastructure. Yes good idea, lets get rid of the New England area. They really serve no usefull purpose that can't be replicated elsewhere more efficiently. 
|
| « Last Edit: Nov 5th, 2004, 11:47am by Kirk » |
IP Logged |
|
|
|
sandie99
New Board Hall of Famer
Wish it, dream it, do it - inspite the pain!
Gender:
Posts: 10429
|
|
Re: Breaking Election News...
« Reply #16 on: Nov 5th, 2004, 12:25pm » |
Quote Modify
|
Whatever you think about John Kerry and John Edwards, I still think that it is extremely sad that Mrs Edwards has cancer...
Hearing news like that reminds me of the day his cancer was diagnosed. And that makes me feel sad... 
sandie99
|
|
IP Logged |
CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
|
|
|
floridian
Guest
|
|
Re: Breaking Election News...
« Reply #17 on: Nov 5th, 2004, 12:40pm » |
Quote Modify
Remove
|
on Nov 5th, 2004, 12:25pm, sandie99 wrote:Whatever you think about John Kerry and John Edwards, I still think that it is extremely sad that Mrs Edwards has cancer...
Hearing news like that reminds me of the day his cancer was diagnosed. And that makes me feel sad...
sandie99
|
|
Agree with you there, Sandie. When a former president get alzheimers or a heart attack, when Mrs. Ford or Mrs. Edwards is diagnosed with cancer, it is a sad day.
|
|
IP Logged |
|
|
|
Jeepgun
Guest
|
|
Re: Breaking Election News...
« Reply #18 on: Nov 5th, 2004, 12:45pm » |
Quote Modify
Remove
|
Agreed. I wish Mrs. Edwards all the best, and hope that her cancer is cured.
|
|
IP Logged |
|
|
|
Lobster
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Gender:
Posts: 2016
|
|
Re: Breaking Election News...
« Reply #19 on: Nov 5th, 2004, 1:16pm » |
Quote Modify
|
We went from 'A Herring!' to cancer. 
Is there a thread on this board that cannot be spared from degenerating into a crevasse of gloom?
|
|
IP Logged |
Rock beats Scissors.
|
|
|
Tom K
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Wait 5 days, but I'm angry now...
Gender:
Posts: 1038
|
|
Re: Breaking Election News...
« Reply #20 on: Nov 5th, 2004, 1:46pm » |
Quote Modify
|
on Nov 5th, 2004, 1:16pm, Rock_Lobster wrote:We went from 'A Herring!' to cancer.
Is there a thread on this board that cannot be spared from degenerating into a crevasse of gloom?
|
|
Can I get an AMEN?
T
|
|
IP Logged |
"America, you're so fine, you're so fine, you blow my mind. America, America."-Bart Simpson
|
|
|
|
|
|
Home
Help
Search
Members
Member Map
Login
Register
Reply
Notify of replies
Send Topic
Print
test rss