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Topic: Redneck Church (Read 210 times) |
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alleyoop
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Wake me up when it's all over.
 
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Redneck Church
« on: Oct 13th, 2004, 6:23pm » |
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Redneck Church
>
> >
> >You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...the
> >finance committee refuses to provide funds for the
> >purchase of a chandelier because none of the members
> >knows how to play one.
> >
> >You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...people
> >ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether
> >the two
> >fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to
> >catch 'em.
> >
> >You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...when the
> >pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up
> >the offering," five guys and two women stand up.
> >
> >You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...opening
> >day of deer season is recognized as an official church
> >holiday.
> >
> >You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...a member
> >of the church requests to be buried in his
> >4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a
> >hole it couldn't get out of." (Love it!)
> >
> >You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...the
> >choir is known as the "OK Chorale".
> >
> >You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...in a
> >congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last
> >names in the church directory.
> >
> >You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...Baptism
> >is referred to as "branding".
> >
> >You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...high
> >notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to
> >howling.
> >
> >You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...people
> >think "rapture" is what you get when you lift
> >something too
> >heavy.
> >
> >You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...the
> >baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub.
> >
> >You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...you know
> >what a #2 galvanized washtub is.
> >
> >You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...the
> >choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the
> >logo from)
> >Billy Bob's Barbecue.
> >
> >You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...the
> >collection plates are really hub caps from a '56
> >Chevy.
> >
> >You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if..instead
> >of a bell, you are called to service by a duck call.
> >
> >You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...the
> >minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.
> >
> >You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...the
> >communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".
> >
> >You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if..."Thou
> >shalt not covet" applies to hunting dogs, too.
> >
> >You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...the
> >final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back
> >now!! Ya Hear?"
............................alley 
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I know that the Good Lord won't put any more on you than you can stand, but sometimes I wish He weren't quite so PROUD of ME!
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Longhaired Redneck
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Dang,
I am deeply hurt, you came to my church and didn't even stop by the house for fried chicken and mashed taters. Or was that the first day of dove season?
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Donna_D.
CH.com Alumnus
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OUCH needs volunteers
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Posts: 2618
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Re: Redneck Church
« Reply #2 on: Oct 13th, 2004, 11:26pm » |
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Thanks Oopsie!!
For those of you planning on attending the convention in Dallas next year, you might want to print that choice bit of information out for future reference  .
You busted me on the #2 galvanized washtub reference!!!
Dang it!
DD
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ExplodingEyeBall
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I can't think of anything clever to put here.
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Re: Redneck Church
« Reply #3 on: Oct 14th, 2004, 8:49am » |
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on Oct 13th, 2004, 6:40pm, Longhaired Redneck wrote:Dang,
I am deeply hurt, you came to my church and didn't even stop by the house for fried chicken and mashed taters. Or was that the first day of dove season? |
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Throw in some grits and I'm there!!!!!
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Just poke out my eye and get it over with!!!
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