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Topic: Rodney Dangerfield (Read 284 times) |
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john_d
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Thanks for being here Rodney...
Rodney Dangerfield's Best One-liners:
1. I was so poor growing up. If I wasn't a boy. I'd have had nothing to play with.
2. A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home. "I went over. Nobody was home.
3. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel
4. One day I came home early from work I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said "Because you came home
early."
5. It's been a rough day. I got up this morning put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
6. I was such an ugly kid...When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
7. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.
8. I was such an ugly baby...My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
9. I'm so ugly...My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
10. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."
11. I'm so ugly...My mother had morning sickness...AFTER I was born.
12. I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said,"I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."
14. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
15. I'm! So ugly...I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.
16. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror...I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me?" He said..."I
don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
17. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills.
My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
18. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
19. Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times -- three of those times I was reading it.
20. One year they wanted to make me poster boy -- for birth control.
21. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.
22. My wife is so stupid it takes her an hour and a half to watch "60 Minutes."
23. In my house, eating has replaced sex entirely. We just installed ceiling mirrors over the dining room table. The mirror on my bedroom ceiling had to said "objects in mirror are bigger than they appear."
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Kevin_M
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Re: Rodney Dangerfield
« Reply #1 on: Oct 6th, 2004, 9:29am » |
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'preciate it John,
Those are so great. What a guy and unique comedian.
THANKS RODNEY!!!
Kevin M
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don
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Self made comic.
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Ree
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Re: Rodney Dangerfield
« Reply #3 on: Oct 6th, 2004, 9:37am » |
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Rodney joins the great "Commedy Connection" in the sky... God bless Rodney bon voyage...
thanks for posting this tribute john d... you da man! ree
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Proud Mom to US ARMY Kiowa OH58 PILOT~CWO2 SCOTT Hawaii, & USMC Vet~Now POLICE OFFICER SEAN, Citizen of the Month~ Breezy~ Nana 4 Matt/Mike&Aya, MIL To Shino Wife to Dave HI BILL!http://www.myspace.com/dungareespocket http://www.prohawaiian.com
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echo
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Re: Rodney Dangerfield
« Reply #4 on: Oct 6th, 2004, 9:51am » |
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Thanks for the one liners John
Rodney will be missed.
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"If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it".
Proud Dad of a US Marine, and a former Marine turned Police Officer.
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Jeepgun
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Au revoir, Mr. Dangerfield, sir. Godspeed in your new adventures... 
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vig
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Re: Rodney Dangerfield
« Reply #6 on: Oct 6th, 2004, 10:12am » |
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I saw Rodney do stand up once at the Holiday Star Theatre in Merrillville, Indiana... Hilarious.
Take a bow Rodney.... You got my respect.
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never, Never, NEVER quit. -Winston Churchill
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Lobster
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Re: Rodney Dangerfield
« Reply #7 on: Oct 6th, 2004, 10:28am » |
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Asked how long he would remain in the hospital after the operation, he said: "If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half."
RIP Rodney. You will be missed!
He sure did pick a cutie to spend his golden years with...
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StueyStu
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Re: Rodney Dangerfield
« Reply #8 on: Oct 6th, 2004, 11:04am » |
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This man was some kind of Funny. I will miss his humor but can still see him in some of the movies he did.
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vig
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Re: Rodney Dangerfield
« Reply #9 on: Oct 6th, 2004, 11:40am » |
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from MSN...
Comic Rodney Dangerfield Dies at Age 82
Clad in a black suit, red tie and white shirt with collar that seemed too tight, Dangerfield convulsed audiences with lines such as: "When I was born, I was so ugly that the doctor slapped my mother," "When I started in show business, I played one club that was so far out my act was reviewed in Field and Stream," and "Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: `Basement?'"
In a 1986 interview, he explained the origin of his "respect" trademark:
"I had this joke: `I played hide and seek; they wouldn't even look for me.' To make it work better, you look for something to put in front of it: I was so poor, I was so dumb, so this, so that. I thought, `Now what fits that joke?' Well, `No one liked me' was all right. But then I thought, a more profound thing would be, `I get no respect.'"
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stevegeebe
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Re: Rodney Dangerfield
« Reply #10 on: Oct 6th, 2004, 11:48am » |
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Teaching Jackie Gleason the "Triple Lindy" right about now.
He made me LMAO.
Steve G
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broomhilda
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Re: Rodney Dangerfield
« Reply #11 on: Oct 6th, 2004, 12:27pm » |
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RIP, thanks for the smiles!!!
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Suck it up Princess...
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TomM
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Re: Rodney Dangerfield
« Reply #12 on: Oct 6th, 2004, 12:35pm » |
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Thanks for the memories...wrong guy...thanx for the respect and the laughs, Rodney. RIP.
TomM
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"Everyone should believe in something. I believe I'll go fishing."
--Thoreau--
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Jonny
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Everytime I go fishing I never catch anything, everytime I go to an orgy I catch everything.
Something to that effect 
...................................jonny
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alleyoop
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Re: Rodney Dangerfield
« Reply #14 on: Oct 6th, 2004, 10:03pm » |
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Rodney was one of my all-time favorites! Thanks for the one-liners John. And anyone who watched "Caddy Shack", will never forget him!
RIP! We love ya Rodney!
......................alley
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I know that the Good Lord won't put any more on you than you can stand, but sometimes I wish He weren't quite so PROUD of ME!
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vig
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Re: Rodney Dangerfield
« Reply #15 on: Oct 6th, 2004, 11:42pm » |
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From Caddyshack:
Al Czervik : Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid.
From Back to School:
Thornton Melon : [in a commercial for his Tall and Fat clothing stores] Are you fat? When you go jogging, do you leave potholes? When you make love, do you have to give directions? At the zoo, do the elephants throw you peanuts? Do you look at a menu and say 'OK!'?
Tough Crowd.
bye Rodney
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| « Last Edit: Oct 7th, 2004, 9:42am by vig » |
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thebbz
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Re: Rodney Dangerfield
« Reply #16 on: Oct 7th, 2004, 12:09am » |
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I'm tellen ya!!! RIP thanks for the laughs big guy.
BB
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Mr. Happy
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Re: Rodney Dangerfield
« Reply #17 on: Oct 7th, 2004, 12:16am » |
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Yeah, I smoked pot once. But I didn't know what I was doing. I was high on cocaine at the time.
Yo Rodney,
RJ
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May those who don't want any
Have memories of never getting any.
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Charlie
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Re: Rodney Dangerfield
« Reply #18 on: Oct 7th, 2004, 12:23am » |
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Whata guy, whata guy, I gotta tell ya.....
A lot of fun to watch with Johnny Carson. Funny guy who deserved all he got. He worked hard.
Charlie
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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