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Topic: I get this everyday..... (Read 365 times) |
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Jonny
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There is not one day that goes by that I dont get mail like this or mail about 02.......What would you tell this dude?
Hello. My name is" Edited". I found your website on CH message board.
I have had CH for over 3 years. I have never known anyone with it, so is it ok if I ask you a question?
I was just wondering how your wife/girlfriend deals with your attacks. My wife just feels helpless. There have been times that she was terrified that I would commit suicide. I have had a few level 9-10 attacks and she has seen me at my worst. I promised her I am stronger than any attack I can be thrown.
One more question.
I am supposed to be the man of the house...the one who is strong. When I have my attacks I become weaker than a kitten, and it bothers me that I cannot be strong in that condition. Do you ever feel that way?
I was just wondering/
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How would you handle this?........You all know I gave a kick to this dudes ass and his thinking, but was I right to do that?
Man, I wish Dr Phil lived with me.....Yeah RIGHT!!!
What say you.....
.............................jonny
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nani
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Re: I get this everyday.....
« Reply #1 on: Sep 24th, 2004, 8:11pm » |
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It seems to me that anyone who has survived a k9 or 10 without commiting suicide is stronger than most people. Part of being secure in your strength would be to acknowledge that it doesn't always LOOK the same. You can be very strong while rolling around on the floor, crying and praying out loud for death. You're just giving yourself an outlet for your pain and frustration. Tears DO NOT mean weakness!!!
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Jimmy_B.
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Re: I get this everyday.....
« Reply #2 on: Sep 24th, 2004, 8:16pm » |
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I would give him a little boost in the "feeling like a man, dept" & tell him..."Dude, you've gone through the worst pain known to man & your still around to talk about it." & tell him to give his wife some subtle signal, so she knows when he's beginning to have a cluster & can disappear somewhere. My favourite is the bathroom or garage.
Nobody...not even my wife has seem me have a full cluster. Someone may have seen the beginning of one, but never a full-blown attack. I run & hide.
or you can just tell him, what you already did Jonny. 
Jimmy
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Redd
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Re: I get this everyday.....
« Reply #3 on: Sep 24th, 2004, 8:17pm » |
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Sweetheart I don't know exactly what you said to the guy, so I can't tell you if it was right or not. (though I'm sure I can use my imagination)
As far as the part about how a significan't other reacts, I wouldn't know what to say to that either...don't have one, and the one I did when hell broke loose decided it was too much for him to handle and he bailed.
Not sure how to answer this one jonny...
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BobG
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Re: I get this everyday.....
« Reply #4 on: Sep 24th, 2004, 8:25pm » |
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Don't know if I'm right or wrong but this would be my answer........
My wife deals with it as best she can. We have talked about the attacks and what she can do to help me through. My advice to her was "Do nothing. Please leave me alone. Please don't touch me or talk to me".
She understands that is what I want and need from her. She doesn't like it but she understands that is the way it has to be.
Man of the house? OK but she is an equal partner and (believe it or not) women are probably stronger that men. Damn, I'm going to get a flaming for that remark.
Manhood, Shmanhood. Forget your pride. I'm sure that is the last thing your wife thinks about during an attack.
Now "Edited", go talk to your wife and tell her what you need from her during an attack.
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Jonny
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Re: I get this everyday.....
« Reply #5 on: Sep 24th, 2004, 8:28pm » |
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Told him to stand the fuck up like a man, to walk away when he felt hes was going to be hit and deal with it the best he could with what he had.
Also told him that the 60-90 mins he was in pain made him more of a man than 90% of men on this earth.
Replying to these e-mails makes me wonder why I even do it....breaks my heart every time.
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alleyoop
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Re: I get this everyday.....
« Reply #6 on: Sep 24th, 2004, 8:37pm » |
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on Sep 24th, 2004, 7:58pm, Jonny wrote:| There is not one day that goes by that I dont get mail like this |
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Better you than me! I get one every once in a great while, but that's about it. I just take them on an individual basis and answer as best I can. I think that's about all anyone can do.
Jonny, maybe you come off as Dr Phil to newbies! As far fetched as that sounds, why else would so many be PMing you for advice? I can understand asking you about o2; I've done that myself, but there must be some reason peeps turn to you for relationship advice.
Maybe you need your own TV show................
..................................alley
edited to add pic................
HEEEEEER'S JONNY!
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| « Last Edit: Sep 24th, 2004, 8:52pm by alleyoop » |
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Tim_Z
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Re: I get this everyday.....
« Reply #7 on: Sep 24th, 2004, 8:58pm » |
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I don't know about anyone else but in my case talking to my wife and kids about what I go through is what I do. They give me my space, don't talk to me and just let me be. I know I don't have anything to be sorry for but I apologize to them anyway.
Being a manly thing? That's absurd. Real men do cry, his wife should know that if she understands anything at all.
Getting a little personal now. We unplugged my mother because she was brain dead. I had never seen my father cry. No sobbing but with tears rolling down his face he turned, looked at me and said, I guess we're not so tough after all. Being tough has nothing to do with it. It's just natural emotions.
I know there is perception about crying (real men don't cry) but it's just part of the deal. In my mind this is what hell is like and that's just the way it is. Maybe this is part of the reason I go hide, I don't want to embaress myself or anyone else.
Tim
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Jeepgun
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Re: I get this everyday.....
« Reply #8 on: Sep 24th, 2004, 10:43pm » |
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Isn't that part of what marriage or a committed relationship is all about? No one can be strong 100% of the time, in 100% of circumstances, in 100% of the possible ways to be strong. Sometimes, one of the most loving things we can do is give others the opportunity to serve, to love, and to support.
As for men not crying: BULLSHIT. It takes infinitely more strength to show emotion, to be REAL, to be fully human than it does to be a constant stoic. That serves no one.
In the midst of a cluster attack, all bets are off. All preconceived notions go out the fuckin window and all that's left is pure unadulterated pain. How one deals with that pain and the fact that each of us survives and keeps going instead of eating a gun: What greater measure of one's character and "manhood" could anyone ask for?
My two lira's worth....
-Frank
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kissmyglass
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Re: I get this everyday.....
« Reply #9 on: Sep 24th, 2004, 10:49pm » |
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We need a permanent "Ask Jonny" thread.....
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Sean_C
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Re: I get this everyday.....
« Reply #10 on: Sep 24th, 2004, 11:11pm » |
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on Sep 24th, 2004, 8:28pm, Jonny wrote:| Told him to stand the fuck up like a man, to walk away when he felt hes was going to be hit and deal with it the best he could with what he had.. |
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What else can you do, where usually fucked at that point anyway. I think you did allright with the reply. He just needed reassurance probably that it fucks us up too. Tell him to grab an oar dude and come for the ride
Sean...........................
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Ree
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Re: I get this everyday.....
« Reply #11 on: Sep 24th, 2004, 11:23pm » |
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that poor guy jonny.........sheesh he sure picked the wrong bud to get honest with.......... although you are a true soldier of cluster........... kicked him to the curb huh...lol ree
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floridian
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Re: I get this everyday.....
« Reply #12 on: Sep 24th, 2004, 11:36pm » |
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Jonny,
I think you should sing him the song of Odin. Odin gave one eye (!) and hung in excruciating pain for 9 days on Yggdrasil tree to drink of the cosmic mead. He brought back the wisdom of the runes and 18 powers.
Odin said:'I hung from that windswept tree, hung there for nine long nights;
I was pierced with a spear; I was an offering to Odin, myself to myself.
No one has ever known or will ever know the roots of that ancient
tree.
No one came to comfort me with bread, no one revived me with a drink from a horn. I peered at the worlds below; I seized the runes, shrieking I seized them; then I fell back.
From Bolthor's famous son, Besla's father, I learned nine powerful
songs. I was able to drain the precious mead from the cauldron of Odrorir.
Then I began to thrive, my wisdom grew; I prospered and was fruitful.
One word gained me many words; one deed gained me many deeds.
The powers I know are not known by the wives of kings or by any man.
The first is called Help because it can comfort grief and lessen pain and cure sickness.
I know a second: any man who hopes to become a healer needs to know it.
I know a third: if I should sorely need help to hold back my enemy, I can blunt my opponent's blade and soften his staff so he cannot wound me.
I know a fourth: if anyone should bind me hand and foot, this charm is so great that the locks spring apart, releasing my limbs; I can walk free.
I know a fifth: if I should see a well aimed arrow speeding to its mark, I can catch it however fast it flies; I have only to fix it with my eye.
I know a sixth: if anyone thinks to finish me by sending a sapling's roots engraved with runes, that hero - full of spleen - will only destroy himself.
I know a seventh: if I should see the hall roof burst into flames over the heads of my chosen comrades, I can quench the blaze however fierce it may be; I know the charm.
I know an eighth; all men would be well advised to learn it: if hatred takes root in men's minds, I can uproot it.
I know an ninth: if I should need to save my ship in a storm, I can calm the wind that whips off wavecrests and put the sea to sleep.
I know a tenth; if ever I see witches flying on rafters, I can sing so that they go into a whirl and cannot change back into their day shapes or find their way to their own front doors.
I know an eleventh: if I have to lead loyal, long-loved friends into a fight, I can sing behind my shield and they will go from strength to strength - unscathed to the battle, unscathed after the battle; unscathed they return home.
I know a twelfth: if I see a hanged man swinging from a tree, with his heels above my head, I can cut and colour the runes so that he will come down and talk to me.
I know a thirteenth: if I sprinkle water over a child, he will never fall in a thick of battle, nor falter and sink in the sword-play.
I know a fourteenth: if I so desire, I can tell men the names of the gods and elves one by one - few fools can do that!
I know a fifteenth: the dwarf Thjodrorir sang it in front of Delling's doors, a charm of power for the gods, glory for the elves, wisdom for Odin.
I know a sixteenth: if I long for love-play, I can turn the mind and win the heart of a white-armed woman.
I know a seventeenth: such a charm that a young girl will be loath to forsake me.
I know an eighteenth: I will never tell it to a girl or married woman unless I am lying in her arms or she is my own sister! What you and you alone know is always the most potent. And that is the last of the powers.'
These were the words of Odin before there were men.
Also, who is this "Dr. Phil" guy you keep talking about??
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| « Last Edit: Sep 24th, 2004, 11:41pm by floridian » |
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Margi
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Re: I get this everyday.....
« Reply #13 on: Sep 25th, 2004, 9:36am » |
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Jonny, I get those emails too. What I do is tell them to send their supporters over to the Suppporters' forum and encourage them to talk to the rest of us spouses who've walked in their shoes. And then I tell the sufferer to get their butt on the board here too.
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Jonny
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Re: I get this everyday.....
« Reply #14 on: Sep 25th, 2004, 12:59pm » |
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Flo, hang on while I get my hat with fur and horns.....opps, cant forget the big hammer.....LOL (Wheres Svenn?)
Margi, thanks, I will do just that!
..........................jonny
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