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Topic: jokes that can be told in church (Read 133 times) |
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Tiannia
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jokes that can be told in church
« on: Jun 2nd, 2004, 6:43pm » |
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JOKES THAT CAN BE TOLD IN CHURCH
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little
girl whispered to her
mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of
happiness, and today is the happiest day of her
life." The child thought
about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the
groom wearing black?"
##############
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was
running as fast as she could,
trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran
she prayed, "Dear Lord,
please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't
let me be late!" While
she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb
and fell, getting her
clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up,
brushed herself off, and
started running again As she ran she once again
began to pray, "Dear Lord,
please don't let me be late...But please don't
shove me either!"
###############
Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about
their fathers. The first boy
says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of
paper, he calls it a poem,
they give him $50." The second boy says, "That's
nothing. My Dad scribbles a
few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song,
they give him $100." The
third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad
scribbles a few words on a
piece of paper, he calls it a sermon.. And it takes
eight people to collect
all the money!"
##############
An elderly woman died last month. Having never
married, she requested no
male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions
for her memorial service,
she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was
alive, I don't want them
to take me out when I'm dead.
##############
A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What
would you do if you had to
arrest your own mother?" He said, "Call for backup."
##############
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph
and Mary took Jesus with
them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: "They
couldn't get a baby sitter."
##############
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten
Commandments with her five
and six year olds. After explaining the commandment
to "honor thy father and
thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that
teaches us how to treat
our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat
one little boy answered,
"Thou shall not kill."
#############
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything,
including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent
when they told him how
Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in
the week his mother
noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and
said, "Johnny, what is the
matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my
side. I think I'm going
to have a wife."
###########
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after
hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do
you think about all this Satan stuff?" The other boy replied, "Well, you
know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your dad."
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brain_cramps
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Re: jokes that can be told in church
« Reply #1 on: Jun 2nd, 2004, 6:55pm » |
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on Jun 2nd, 2004, 6:43pm, Tiannia wrote: A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What
would you do if you had to
arrest your own mother?" He said, "Call for backup." |
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 BWAAAAHAAAAHAAAAAAA!!!!!
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jonny
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Re: jokes that can be told in church
« Reply #2 on: Jun 2nd, 2004, 7:56pm » |
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A joke that CANT be told in chruch.
Why are tampons and Madonna alike?
They are both stuck up ****s 
.............................................jonny
Sorry, but even I wont put all those letters together here
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Yuli
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There is nothing like a dream to create the future
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Re: jokes that can be told in church
« Reply #3 on: Jun 2nd, 2004, 8:47pm » |
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Quote:| They are both stuck up ****s |
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Reminded me of this yarn
A bloke was having a few drinks by himself at a casino when he met up
with a striking but quite small and slim young woman. They got on famously and ended up in bed.
She told him she was a jockey and that, if he came to the races at Flemington that day, she'd tip him the winner of each race she was Riding in by giving him a sign as she rode out of the saddling paddock.
In race 2, she rode out rubbing both her tits. The bloke looked through the race book and found "Two Abreast" on which he placed a $100 at 5-1. It won by two lengths.
"F**k, this is great!" he thought. In race 4, she rode out rubbing her fingers around her eyes. He put the lot on "Eyeliner" at 10-1 and was five grand in front.
In the last race she came out standing up in the stirrups and rubbing her girl thingy. He backed nothing.
After the races he met up with her and thanked her for the winners in races 2 and 4. "What about Itchy Mickey in the last at 66-1?" she asked.
"Shit," he said, " I thought you were telling me the c**t was scratched".
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