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Topic: Trees (not CH) (Read 236 times) |
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Tiannia
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Trees (not CH)
« on: Jun 1st, 2004, 2:41pm » |
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Trees
It is hard to find a good joke without a dirty word or two in it....Here is one with none!
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert, can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in." 
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The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change. - Carl Rogers
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Jeepgun
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ROFLMAO!
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John_D
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LMAO...nice to see hole-some humour for a change 
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Cerberus
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Whomever said that two heads are better than one?
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Re: Trees (not CH)
« Reply #3 on: Jun 1st, 2004, 3:10pm » |
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Ramon
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I would rather face the end with terror than terror without end. - (Deitrich Sawatsky 194?)
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jonny
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Ah yes, finally an explanation...
How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night drinking and thought 'How on earth did I get home?' As hard as you try, you cannot piece together your return journey from the pub to your house.
The answer to this puzzle is that you used a Beer Scooter.
The Beer Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to the drunk by Bacchus the Roman God of Wine. Bacchus has acquired a large batch of these magical devices. The Beer Scooter works in the following fashion:
The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends down a winged Beer Scooter. The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via a Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is not cheap to run, so a large portion of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment.
This answers the second questions after a night out, 'How did I spend so much money? 'Unfortunately, Beer Scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries), such as skinned knees and a sore spot on the top of your head. An undocumented feature of the Beer Scooter is the destruction of time segments during the trip. The nature of Trans-Dimensional Portals dictates that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for.
This answers a third question after a night out 'What the hell happened?
'With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of Embarrassing Moments In Time) add-on, that automatically removes, in descending order, those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one person's REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of another's and quite often lost time is regained in discussions over a period of time. Independent studies have also shown that
Beer Goggles often cause the Scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending passengers to the wrong bedroom, often with horrific consequences.
For the family man, Beer Scooters come equipped with flowers picked from other people's garden and Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending). These boots are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe up the stairs, you are sure to wake up your other half. Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the house and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the bruised shins.
The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some Scooters is the TAS (Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can apparently get through 260 Marlboro Lights in a single night.
P.S. Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably get home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a T-shirt.
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Tiannia
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Life does not apologies......
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Re: Trees (not CH)
« Reply #5 on: Jun 1st, 2004, 4:31pm » |
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Damn Jonny, I think I took home a few of those while I college. hehe I also think there was a mass transit system for these from the frat and sorority hoses every Friday and Saturday night.
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The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change. - Carl Rogers
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Jeepgun
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Well damn.. That explains a lot! 
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John_D
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on Jun 1st, 2004, 4:26pm, jonny wrote:For the family man, Beer Scooters come equipped with flowers picked from other people's garden and Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending). These boots are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe up the stairs, you are sure to wake up your other half. Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the house and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the bruised shins.
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LMAO, I think I have a pair of Thump-A-Lot boots
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Gator
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Re: Trees (not CH)
« Reply #8 on: Jun 1st, 2004, 5:00pm » |
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Tiannia, That is about as close to dirty as you can get and not say anything wrong! 
jonny, I think I took one of those home once.
Gator
Once my a$$
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Kevin_M
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withered branches grow green again.
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Re: Trees (not CH)
« Reply #9 on: Jun 1st, 2004, 9:05pm » |
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That IS a good one Tianna.
on Jun 1st, 2004, 4:26pm, jonny wrote:| often lost time is regained in discussions over a period of time. |
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with your friends telling you how much you borrowed and owe them still, or how they paid you all the money they owed you that night.
25 years of bein' scooter scooped and somebody finally explains it to me.
Good ones!
Kevin M
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| « Last Edit: Jun 1st, 2004, 9:09pm by Kevin_M » |
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BlueMeanie
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M.R.
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Re: Trees (not CH)
« Reply #11 on: Jun 1st, 2004, 9:23pm » |
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I think I have him on retainer.
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Ree
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Re: Trees (not CH)
« Reply #12 on: Jun 2nd, 2004, 8:32am » |
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Hey Jonny did you type all that?????????????
you got a secretary didnt you..........?
Ree who doesnt believe that jonny typed all that...
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Killroy 2.0
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Re: Trees (not CH)
« Reply #13 on: Jun 2nd, 2004, 9:37am » |
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That IS a good one Tianna.
I told it to my husband last night, he said that he would have to remember that one
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Do the walls speak to you? Do you follow the Geek Messiah? DO YOU COMPLY?!
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