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Topic: Always be prepared (not CH) (Read 164 times) |
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Tiannia
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Always be prepared (not CH)
« on: May 18th, 2004, 4:28pm » |
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Why Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer:
In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand-a-grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked,
"Mrs.Jones,do you know me?"
She responded,"Why, yes I do know you, Mr.Williams. I've know you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.
Yes, I know you.
"The Lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked,"Mrs.Jones.do you know the defense attorney?
"She again replied,"Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigotted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women, one of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt."
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broomhilda
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Re: Always be prepared (not CH)
« Reply #1 on: May 18th, 2004, 4:49pm » |
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Heheheehehehehehehehehe, good one Tia 
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aprilbee
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Re: Always be prepared (not CH)
« Reply #2 on: May 18th, 2004, 5:00pm » |
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he he he he he he he Thats great, I work for attorneys(nice ones  )...funny!!!
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Grandma_Sweet_Boy
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Re: Always be prepared (not CH)
« Reply #3 on: May 18th, 2004, 7:45pm » |
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Too funny - I too work with lawyers (well, actually mostly shyster types) or rather, against most of them! I'll be sharing this one!!!
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Cerberus
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Re: Always be prepared (not CH)
« Reply #4 on: May 18th, 2004, 10:31pm » |
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LMMFAOROTFL!!!!!
Ramon
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Gator
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Re: Always be prepared (not CH)
« Reply #5 on: May 18th, 2004, 10:39pm » |
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That was just too funny.
Gator
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Kevin_M
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Re: Always be prepared (not CH)
« Reply #6 on: May 19th, 2004, 12:47am » |
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ReBUTTal
One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw
two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his
driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, "Why are
you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to
eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you" the
lawyer said.
"But sir. I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there,
under that tree"
"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a
wife and SIX children with me!"
"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as
large as the limousine was. Once underway, one of the poor fellows
turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for
taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the
grass is almost a foot high!"
Kevin m
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| « Last Edit: May 19th, 2004, 1:07am by Kevin_M » |
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Tiannia
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Re: Always be prepared (not CH)
« Reply #7 on: May 19th, 2004, 2:10am » |
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That was good...
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The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change. - Carl Rogers
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Donna_D.
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Re: Always be prepared (not CH)
« Reply #8 on: May 19th, 2004, 8:10am » |
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Just when ya think things cant get any funnier...
Good one Kev
DD
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bobkip
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Re: Always be prepared (not CH)
« Reply #9 on: May 19th, 2004, 2:06pm » |
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ROTFLMAO!!! She sounds like the fruitcake lady that Leno has on the Tonight Show.
Kip
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