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Topic: :-[ depression ? (Read 431 times) |
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Killroy 2.0
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:-[ depression ?
« on: May 11th, 2004, 9:28am » |
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For about the last week I have had a few brake through CHs but almost constant shadows (bad ones) I have tried upping my verap, o2, 1/3 imtx shots and Excedrin but the handful and although I get them to go away for a little while they always come right back.
I try to stay positive and think about what it was like before I had these weapons against the beast and how much worse it was, but I am just getting worn down.
Then yesterday Frank, my husband yelled at me and told me that he is sick and tired of these headaches, he is tired of always having to be inconvenienced by them. He also told me that everybody feels bad at times, that I just need to suck it up, deal with it and move on. That I need to be tougher and not let it bother me.
I started to cry (which did nothing for my HA) and I told him if he's sick of it to think how I feel, I'm the one with the HAs. Now I just keep crying and can't stop!!!!
I know that to some extent he is right, but right now I can't seem to get of the pity train and stop singing the why me song.
Is this why they call them suicide HAs - because at this point I feel so low, and I hate living like this.
Sorry so Long just need to vent a little
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| « Last Edit: May 11th, 2004, 9:29am by Killroy 2.0 » |
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EyeHurtOhio
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Re: :-[ depression ?
« Reply #1 on: May 11th, 2004, 9:42am » |
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Hi Gena,
I'm new here, but hang in there! Your not alone i too have constant discomfort from shadows.
This is hard on the whole family, my poor wife trys her best to help me but i can get pretty short with her because of the pain.
Wishing you pain free 
Tom
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echo
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Re: :-[ depression ?
« Reply #2 on: May 11th, 2004, 9:44am » |
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Sorry to read of the relenting attacks you're dealing with Gena. Dosen't help when your partner is telling you to suck it up. As far as "dealing with it, sucking it up and moving on" goes. Maybe you could pinch his "Who Haw" in a vice grip and when he screams, which he will, tell him to "suck it up and move on".
Hang in there!
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Woobie
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Re: :-[ depression ?
« Reply #3 on: May 11th, 2004, 9:47am » |
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GENA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry! 
But - Hang in there SISTER! They WILL go away!
I like Echo's Idea!
tina! 
OH - and CHECK YER PMs
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| « Last Edit: May 11th, 2004, 9:55am by Woobie » |
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Luke63
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Re: :-[ depression ?
« Reply #4 on: May 11th, 2004, 9:48am » |
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Hang in there...... 
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I think we should all get together and do a movie..."Night of The Clusterheads". George Romero would have nothing on us!!!
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BruceD
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Re: :-[ depression ?
« Reply #6 on: May 11th, 2004, 9:57am » |
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Hiya Gena,
I'm so sorry to hear you're having such a bad time - both head & heart. There's no excuse for your hubby to yell at you, but let me give you a guy's perspective. He's not an engineer is he? Or maybe a carpenter or mechanic? If he is, then he's already got a couple of strikes against him. You see, guys are fixers. Yep, it's true we just fix stuff & then move on to the next problem. If he's in one of those professions then he's got a second strike because then fixing stuff is also his profession not just his DNA makeup. Heaven forbid if he's a PhD in engineering - they're beyond help.
I'm not trying to dismiss how lousy his attitude is, just to give you a feeling of his frustration. He can't DO anything about your headaches & for that he's frustrated. However, his frustration certainly shouldn't contribute to your pain! He needs to get his butt to a meet-n-greet or the convention and see what it really is that we have to deal with as clusterheads. Then, he needs to learn what he CAN do to help.
Just remember YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM!! I know that it seems like everything is crashing down right now, but it WILL pass. Take care & go get some chocolate ice cream (or maybe some cheesecake
Later
BruceD
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kissmyglass
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Re: :-[ depression ?
« Reply #7 on: May 11th, 2004, 10:04am » |
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Hi Gena,
Sorry you are i pain & sorry your husband is an idiot.
I don't know your history or anything but 2 things jumped out at me in your post...1/3rd imitrex shot, I would try upping it to 1/2 shot and Excedrin by the handful I am sure is doing a lot more harm than good, I would quit taking them right away.
Hang in there!
Kev
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Woobie
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Re: :-[ depression ?
« Reply #8 on: May 11th, 2004, 10:04am » |
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I think Frank should come here and read ..............
Good point Kevin.....
Excederin causes rebounds with me...........
when i take them for my headaches......... (not CH)
tina
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| « Last Edit: May 11th, 2004, 10:07am by Woobie » |
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Gator
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Re: :-[ depression ?
« Reply #9 on: May 11th, 2004, 10:09am » |
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First off, I'm sorry you are hurting so bad. I wish for you and all of us that there were never such as thing as CH. Unfortunately that's not our reality.
Secondly, does Frank have CH? If not then he has no right to even speak to you about sucking it up and moving on. And you know that there is not one person alive that could just "not let it bother them."
It's one thing to get angry at the situation. I do. My wife does, but when she goes off, she's quick to point out that she is not mad at me, just at the helplessness of the situation. I still feel guilty, like there should be some way I could control it. She won't let me get down on myself.
It's quite another to be mad at a person for having a disease they never asked for and that doctors can't even cure. That is just plain wrong. That's like being mad at the grass for being green.
Men like to fix things. That's our nature. We fix things and feel good about ourselves. When there is a problem that can't be fixed, we often get frustrated with ourselves, like we should be able to do something. For me, this is where my own guilt comes into play. I should be able to fix or control this, but you and I both know I can't. The bad part of that is we sometimes take it out on those around us.
After tempers are calmer, you should talk with him and clarify both for you AND for him (because he may not have even thought of it that way yet) whether he is just mad at the situation and his own inability to fix the problem or if he is genuinely upset with you. Upset with the problem you can deal with. It might be easy enough to make him see that he needs to reassure you that he is not mad at you. On the other hand, being mad at you is totally unreasonable and unacceptable. For that, I can only hope that in a calmer state of mind, he is able to see how ridiculous (don't use that word on him) his anger at you for something you have no control over is.
I pray for you that things get better. Good luck with Frank.
Gator
See what I mean, here I am trying to fix things.
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Killroy 2.0
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Re: :-[ depression ?
« Reply #10 on: May 11th, 2004, 10:12am » |
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on May 11th, 2004, 9:57am, BruceD wrote: He's not an engineer is he? Or maybe a carpenter or mechanic? - they're beyond help.
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He is both a carpenter and a mechanic.
He will not get on the internet and hates computers, I stop trying years ago.
He also does not like this board, he thinks talking about it all the time is a stupid waste of time and will make it worse.
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Racer1_NC
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Re: :-[ depression ?
« Reply #11 on: May 11th, 2004, 10:47am » |
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When a family member has CH, it effects the whole family. The statements about men being "fixers" is correct. It bothers me to no end that I can't "fix" my head. During an bad attack, one might here me cry out. Sometimes it's because of the pain, most times it's anger and frustration coming out. Anger because it's happening again, frustration because I can't do anything about it.
That being said, your hubby has never suffered from anything like you have. He really doesn't know. But 'suck it up and move on" is hardly a phrase that should be used on CH. Leg cramps? Sure. CH? Never. If sucking it up was all it took, I'd venture to say this board would have 2 - 3 posts a week.
You are not alone.......remember that.
Bill
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Redd
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Re: :-[ depression ?
« Reply #12 on: May 11th, 2004, 11:19am » |
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Gena my dear,
I can truly empathise with you on this. You have been expending mega tons of energy battling the beast and when you are at the point of beginning to work your way back up, your husband's words and attitude push you right back down. I won't go into my personal experience with this in detail, but I will offer a piece of philosophy that may help you cope.
Quote:| One of the most elusive truths we'll ever struggle to grasp is that everyone has a unique perspective about every circumstance, a perspective that reflects a personal understanding of the universe. We never doubt that truth for ourselves, of course. We simply fail to acknowledge that it's true for everyone else too |
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As long as you can hold on to your truth, you know it, you feel it, you've been living it, it may help to ease your pain as you let your husband deal with his truth.
I also realised something else a long time ago that it took some time to come back to the surface. We come into this world attached and dependant. Once the umbilical cord is cut, we are really on our own save for the love that is there to help us grow to become independant individuals. The only person who can be gaurenteedto make it to the end of our days with us is ourself. Hold on strong for you dear. The "why me" song is sort of like the song that gets stuck in your head after watching one too many Barney shows. This too shall pass, but it comes with the territory. Tears of sadness as well as tears of the bittersweet joy come without warning. You are a survivor. And I agree...the OTC stuff for the shadows never seems to do much anyway but give a rebound. I'm out of cycle but back to the random hits...and even with the verap and and the topamax can't get past the 6 day mark without a good hard better have the trex kit handy hit. But a good strong cup of coffee does seem to help with them.
Gator said it right though. Men like to fix things, espesially for the people they love, and when they can't their beings become unbalanced. Reach out to the love you and Frank share, and hold on to that threw the rough times. I envy that you have someone to fight with over it. I'm on my own. And this place is always here for you.
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Lizzie2
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Re: :-[ depression ?
« Reply #13 on: May 11th, 2004, 11:20am » |
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((((((((GENA)))))))))))))
I'm sorry you are having such a bad time right now!! I would have to agree with Kevin and Woobie to stop the excedrin. Many people have gotten into constant chronic daily headache from excedrin. Even when the rebound problem is repaired, sometimes the headache is at the point where it won't be fixed by just stopping the drug. Don't mean to add more depressing thoughts to the table, but rebound is hell. 
At any rate, hang in there!!! It's gotta get better at some point.
Hugz,
Lizzie
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thomas
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 Hope you get to feeling better, real soon.
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Tiannia
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Re: :-[ depression ?
« Reply #15 on: May 11th, 2004, 1:09pm » |
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"dealing with it, sucking it up and moving on"
god that rings a bell.... It seems to be a running theme with alot of the husband lately. As long as my husband does not have to face me having one, then he is fine, but as soon as he wakes up to find me not in bed, then we end up fighting. And it sucks to have to fight him and the beast at the same time. "Take care of it." Is another of my husbands favorite phases. That I can take a pill so "it must not be that bad". That I should not expect his life to change because I have these "stupid Headaches."
I am sorry Gena. I wish that I could tell you a way to make it better or to make him understand. For me I choose not to fight. I let him fume and just keep my mouth shut and I fight the beast myself with the people here as support. My husband is in construction too. So he is very much under the idea that there should be a simple answer as to why and that there should be a way to just "make" then stop.
Yes, I to hit depression a lot and right now it is worse because I can not seem to get healthy as well. So I am even more run down then what I normally am.
All I can say, it dont let him driveyou away. That this board is your sanity and that it hopes you to "deal with it" on a daily basis. They always hate to have their own words turned back on them. 
PF Wishes Gena,
-Tia
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Grandma_Sweet_Boy
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Re: :-[ depression ?
« Reply #16 on: May 11th, 2004, 6:27pm » |
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Men - ya can't live with 'em - it's against the law to shoot 'em, but we could all take a course in turning them into lawn ornaments when they bug us!!!!!
No, I'm not male bashing here - not really. I'm very fortunate to have a wonderful supporter in my life and my heart aches when I read posts like this.
It's not your fault girl - sometimes they just don't "get it" and I completely agree with the theory that men just want to fix it for us and then get frustrated when they can't.
Not to excuse him being nasty with you, but I do know their frustration levels can get pretty high. Mine tells me how helpless he feels and it can't be easy for them at time.
Perhaps we females could have a little go at a group kick in the butt for him.
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Tiannia
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Re: :-[ depression ?
« Reply #17 on: May 11th, 2004, 7:25pm » |
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on May 11th, 2004, 6:27pm, Grandma_Sweet_Boy wrote:Men - ya can't live with 'em - it's against the law to shoot 'em, but we could all take a course in turning them into lawn ornaments when they bug us!!!!!
Perhaps we females could have a little go at a group kick in the butt for him. |
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OK Grandma, I will officially say it. "I like you " I need to have your mind set when mine gets shitty because the HA's bother him and I guess he thinks they are a skip in the fucking park for me????? All I want to do is pop him up side his head. At least he does not say anything about this board. Think he knows better. Thisplace keeps me sane. He just shakes his head when I jump into chat.
PF Wishes M'Lady,
-Tia
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Mac_Muz
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Re: :-[ depression ?
« Reply #18 on: May 11th, 2004, 7:48pm » |
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Hi Gena. I am Mac, just plain Mac... For a month now I have has this CH for the very first time in my life.
I happen to be a mechanical sorta guy, as in x foreign car tech, and jack of many other trades at age 52..
I had no idea other had this, and only 4 days ago found out there was a name to this demon.
It is hard to read your first post knowing you and others have this demon.
Maybe telling your husband this is something like getting beaten in the head, and or in the eye repeatedly every day will have better effect.
I have in my younger days taken a few beatings, and this is worse, far worse..
I am a newbie here, but I wanted to say something.
I am after all a guy. I have not yet read around, but I sure will.
I want these things gone asap!!!!! No meds just gone..never to be seen again...
keep a stiff upper lip eh? Mac
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Little Deb
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Re: :-[ depression ?
« Reply #19 on: May 11th, 2004, 9:50pm » |
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Gena,
All I can say is sorry and hang in there. If I got started on the men bashing thing, we would have to turn it into a book. Hhmmmm....maybe an idea for a fundraiser for OUCH!
Anyway. Know we are with you. Tell him to fly his happy ass to Nashville and drive back with you.
not likin' men much these days...little deb
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BlueMeanie
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Hi Gena,
Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time right now. These headaches can make a bad situation alot worse sometimes when we get so down dealing with the Beast. I'm sure Frank will come around and cut you some slack.
Hope this bad cycle of yours ends soon. Sending vibes.
Bruce had a good idea. Eat some cheescake !!!!
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Kevin_M
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Re: :-[ depression ?
« Reply #21 on: May 11th, 2004, 10:23pm » |
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I'm a guy. Not much of a good fixer though I guess. Been years and this CH ain't fixed yet. Learning to live together with some type of happiness despite this CH is the real thing that needs fixin'. I guess if he can't fix that, it must be your fault. It's easy to blame his own shortcomings on who's ever handy to blame it on. How 'bout if he tries to fix your happiness, instead of adding to your suffering. Don't sound like a good way to fix things to me. Knowing how to make someone cry shows some real fixin' talent.
Good life is too broad to fit through narrow minds.
Kevin M
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Opus
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Re: :-[ depression ?
« Reply #22 on: May 11th, 2004, 10:46pm » |
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Gena,
Know how you feel, my wife says she has lived with a ha for three days now and if she can take it I can. No one understands the pain, and it is worse when they think they know how it feels. It is even worse when they complain that you cannot do things for them because of the beast. If I had known that I was going to get these things I would have never gotten married. But I will just have to suck it up and deal with the stupid comments. Some pains are easier to deal with than others.
Opus/Paul
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purpleydog
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Re: :-[ depression ?
« Reply #23 on: May 11th, 2004, 11:01pm » |
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Gena,
I also agree with echo. Men just have no idea how badly you can feel when within the grips of the Beast (present CH company excluded, of course), and when you're feeling this bad, and he's being such a jerk, you just want to be able to make him feel it too. Try to hang in there, this cycle will end. Of course there is always the Do You Feel Like I Do (excuse me Mr. Frampton) head vise school of pain, that you could enroll him in, and there are plenty of people here that I'm sure could show him a thing or two...
Thinking of you...
purpelydog
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Charlie
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Re: :-[ depression ?
« Reply #24 on: May 11th, 2004, 11:49pm » |
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From Simon's letter:
Things to avoid saying/doing
Most sufferers are happy to discuss how things affect them, and how you can best help them, but you will find your conversations very short if you say any of the following:
"I had one of those once" - no-one ever has one cluster headache
"My aunt has migraine too" - migraine is nothing like C.H.
"Can't you just take a tablet and lie down?" - no is the answer, most sufferers cannot lie down during an attack
"Just pull yourself together and work through it" - suggest that, and step back several paces!
This is not rudeness, but simply the result of experience. Sufferers know that sometimes it is simply better to ignore remarks such as these and leave the person in ignorance. If you have read this far, though, that probably doesn't apply to you!
Here is the link, It's worth a look:
http://www.ouch-uk.org/ch/note_colleagues.cfm
Charlie
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