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Topic: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast... (Read 693 times) |
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Redd
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Another Relationship falls victim to the beast...
« on: Apr 19th, 2004, 10:55am » |
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Yep as of late last night the armchair neurologist went into a fit and broke up with me during a discussion once again of CH and the treatment metheods. I guess according to him, if the doctors can't or don't run any clear cut tests to "prove decicively" this is CH, then they are only speculating, and I am self diagnosing and I should trust him more than the doctors. As of last night he even tried to change his story once more to insinuate that it was the hypnosis to quit smoking that caused this, and it's not CH at all. He's ripped on Dr. Goadsby's credentials, cutting and pasting from the Mayo Clinic on CH about Primary and secondary HA and discrediting the hypothalamus enlargment research.
"listen to your British doc....maybe he knows you better than I do"
"you were fine till you got hypmotised...."
"and now make a huge issue out of it...let it consume your life and do nothing but take drugs to "fix" it....you are not helping anything....take your drugs and live like that if you wish...I don't need to be a part of a chemical expierament. I need to say goodbye here.....I am so done with this confrontation..you just need to diagnos yourself and look for excuses on the net...then so be it ...without me...."
So not only do I get to go threw my head exploding I get to feel my heart breaking at the same time.
OK anybody know of a good mechanic in central WI? Looks like I need to find a new one.
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I saw an act of faith today. A man was on his knees, not in a pew in a Church, but in a garden planting seeds. ~~Unknown
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Luke63
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Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast
« Reply #2 on: Apr 19th, 2004, 11:01am » |
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don't stop talking...it helps things ya know....that's if you want to try......
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I think we should all get together and do a movie..."Night of The Clusterheads". George Romero would have nothing on us!!!
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Lobster
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Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast
« Reply #3 on: Apr 19th, 2004, 11:13am » |
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Word has is that Thomas lives in WI. And is well endowed. Just a rumor.
Certainly is a nice guy... not a soul can argue that.
Rock
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| « Last Edit: Apr 19th, 2004, 11:14am by Lobster » |
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Rock beats Scissors.
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fubar
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Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast
« Reply #4 on: Apr 19th, 2004, 11:35am » |
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That Doc needs to go back and think about *why* he became a doctor. Sounds like his God-complex is threatened by the evil British doctor.
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"He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how." -- Friedrich Nietzsche
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thomas
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Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast
« Reply #5 on: Apr 19th, 2004, 11:41am » |
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on Apr 19th, 2004, 11:13am, Rock_Lobster wrote:Word has is that Thomas lives in WI. And is well endowed. Just a rumor.
Certainly is a nice guy... not a soul can argue that.
Rock |
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Well, Rock, the first part is true, the last two items are open to debate and interpretation. 
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Redd
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Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast
« Reply #6 on: Apr 19th, 2004, 11:47am » |
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on Apr 19th, 2004, 11:35am, fubar wrote:| That Doc needs to go back and think about *why* he became a doctor. Sounds like his God-complex is threatened by the evil British doctor. |
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This armchair neuologist was my mechanic boyfriend fubar, not an actual doctor. They say we fear that which we don't understand. And to understand would mean he would have to rethink all that he believes which also scares him. So probably better that he doesn't want to be a part of this.
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I saw an act of faith today. A man was on his knees, not in a pew in a Church, but in a garden planting seeds. ~~Unknown
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5-string
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Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast
« Reply #7 on: Apr 19th, 2004, 11:49am » |
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We all suffer from that "get over it" feeling from time to time about things, but in a love relationship, true trust eliminates that. embracing,justifying and verbalizing that "feeling" is what seperates the emotional competant from the emotional enept...I'm sorry things did'nt work out.....
...Mark..
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Kevin_M
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Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast
« Reply #8 on: Apr 19th, 2004, 12:49pm » |
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on Apr 19th, 2004, 10:55am, Redd715 wrote:according to him,
I should trust him more than the doctors. |
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That's the first thing I do when a doctor has given me something to alleviate the pain of clusters, I run to my mechanic and see if this is correct protocol according to his medical knowledge.
Well, something that can't be directly seen on any chart or x-ray or cat scan or mri must be not there. The pain is just a figment of my imagination and I am making a big deal out of nothing.
If a person hasn't actually felt the pain of CH sometimes their systemizing (especially men) may diminish their empathizing. If he doesn't have the tolerance to consider empathizing for the person he supposedly
loves, well then things are not going to get any better anyway.
Sorry for your feelings and other repercussions in your life at this time. It is sad to be in pain and not be believed and ridiculed by a friend who you expected different from.
Not everyone is prepared for or ready to accept the turmoil a partner goes through with this affliction, that is what makes the SUPPORTERS on this board SUCH FANTASTIC PEOPLE!!!! The uncommon gems like you will find here are very commendable and beautiful
people. Perhaps surrealistic.
I know some great mechanics, and I enjoy their fantastic insight on other things too but not when it comes to clusters, if they don't experience them, that is what this family is for.
Keep yourself gathered and keep putting one foot in front of another. Sometimes it's better to have nothing than something which is bad for you.
Hope your healings ok and you are trying to stay PF.
Kevin M
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Kevin_M
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Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast
« Reply #9 on: Apr 19th, 2004, 1:01pm » |
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on Apr 19th, 2004, 11:47am, Redd715 wrote:| They say we fear that which we don't understand. And to understand would mean he would have to rethink all that he believes which also scares him. |
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What does fear have to do with the actual pain of clusters, which we may not understand?
He is mixing the word understanding up with empathizing. It scares him to empathize with someone he supposedly loves? You do not have to understand in order to empathize. People throughout this country empathize with all the soldiers lost in war, though they may not understand why they died or the war itself. It's called Memorial Day.
Kevin M
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| « Last Edit: Apr 19th, 2004, 1:10pm by Kevin_M » |
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Redd
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Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast
« Reply #10 on: Apr 19th, 2004, 1:36pm » |
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on Apr 19th, 2004, 1:01pm, Kevin_M wrote:
What does fear have to do with the actual pain of clusters, which we may not understand?
Kevin M
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I just wrote this to someone in PM. I firmly believe taht he was looking for an escape from this. I believe that deep inside, though he was unable to recognise it and admit it to himself, he was not strong enough to deal with the fact that this is something incureable, is debilitating when it hits, and not strong enough to stand by helplessly when I would be in the throws of an attack. I believe he was grasping at straws to convince "himself" that it was ANTHING BUT CH. Be it mental illness, be it over reaction to pain, be it psychsomatic, be it anurisms, be it computer vision syndrom, hypnosis for quittijng smoking, whatever the cause of the day might be in his mind. He was just not strong enough to take being helpless and powerless.
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Linda_Howell
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Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast
« Reply #11 on: Apr 19th, 2004, 1:43pm » |
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what did I tell you Pegg?
LindaH
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Kevin_M
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Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast
« Reply #12 on: Apr 19th, 2004, 1:47pm » |
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on Apr 19th, 2004, 1:36pm, Redd715 wrote:He was just not strong enough to take being helpless and powerless.
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Powerless I understand. Helpless toward you I don't.
Kevin M
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bobkip
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Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast
« Reply #13 on: Apr 19th, 2004, 1:47pm » |
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Redd,
You're better off without the bum. A true measure of love is being there for the one you love, no matter what. Judy and I have been married for over 45 years and I've had dealt with the beast long before that. She tried her best to help me but learned there isn't much she could do but stay out of my way. The docs I saw in the early years of misdiagnosis were clueless about CH but after reading everything (pre web) I could about HA, I knew what I had but it took 'til the mid 80's to find a doc that had even heard of CH. That's when I got my O2 setup and it has been sooo much better since.
I hope you find a guy that understands, but if not get a dog or cat. They do understand.
Kip
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Redd
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Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast
« Reply #14 on: Apr 19th, 2004, 2:04pm » |
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on Apr 19th, 2004, 1:43pm, Linda_Howell wrote:
what did I tell you Pegg?
LindaH |
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you were right hun...he wanted out...he wasn't strong enough...that or Love never had anything to do with it...I'm not about to speculate on that...that I think would cut even deeper....
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I saw an act of faith today. A man was on his knees, not in a pew in a Church, but in a garden planting seeds. ~~Unknown
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Kevin_M
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Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast
« Reply #15 on: Apr 19th, 2004, 2:05pm » |
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on Apr 19th, 2004, 1:36pm, Redd715 wrote:he was not strong enough to deal with the fact that this is something incureable, is debilitating when it hits,
and not strong enough to stand by helplessly |
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Did it dawn on him how it makes you feel? Nice empathy.
So his solution was to leave rather than stand by and
help. Whatever. Hope you're doing ok.
Kevin M
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| « Last Edit: Apr 19th, 2004, 2:06pm by Kevin_M » |
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Cerberus
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Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast
« Reply #16 on: Apr 19th, 2004, 2:09pm » |
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What I have to say may not help any, or it may cause you at least a little comfort.
Redd...It seems to me that your man was already looking for a way out. Its harsh, I know, but it the way it reads is that he doesn't understand the nature of this malady in the least bit, doesn't want to deal with the things that come with it, and refuses to admit that not only does he feel that way, but is also unwilling to get the facts and/or feels helpless...let alone accept them. You could do better.
I ain't no mechanic, and I don't live in WI. however I do live near Rockford, IL. and if you wish you can call me, PM me, or whatever
Just don't get down on yourself wondering what you could have done or said to make things better...chances are that you couldn't have made a significant difference in this unless you were totally healthy.
His Ignorance shows....if he had any knowledge of CH whatsoever he wouldn't have said half of those things, cause he would know that there is NO proven positive test of CH, There is NO proven universal method of controlling CH, and that the medications to treat it are not only experimental in most cases, but, hard on the body. I don't know of ANY CH medication that could not be potentially fatal if misused or administered. Seems pretty plain to me that this was already coming.
PM me if you want to call me and I'll give ya my number ok?
Ramon
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helpless23
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Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast
« Reply #17 on: Apr 19th, 2004, 2:11pm » |
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Hey Redd,
Read my post (a rant) partially CH related.
Cerberus - I couldnt' agree with you more on this.
Are we related in any way? LOL 
Much Love,
Toni
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Jeepgun
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Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast
« Reply #18 on: Apr 19th, 2004, 2:13pm » |
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I'm so sorry... *sigh*
I can see it from both sides. When my wife was pregnant, she was sick 24/7 for the first two trimesters. There was nothing anyone could do for her, and I went through feeling helpless, powerless, frustrated, angry, grieving... The whole gamut... Never would I have seriously considered bailing out, but occasionally, the idea did have its appeal...
Anyway, you are better off without that coward in your life. One thing that having clusters has shown me, is what I'm made of; the meaning of inner strength and courage. Hang in there. You certainly deserve a better man.
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Redd
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Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast
« Reply #19 on: Apr 19th, 2004, 2:15pm » |
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on Apr 19th, 2004, 2:05pm, Kevin_M wrote:
Did it dawn on him how it makes you feel? Nice empathy.
So his solution was to leave rather than stand by and
help. Whatever. Hope you're doing ok.
Kevin M
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That's just the point Kevin, in the grand scheme of things it wasn't about me. It was about him and what he could and couldn't accept, what he was and wasn't able to come to terms with, what he did and didn't want to believe. To believe that I am a clusterhead is to effect "his" life adversly. Recall he states that "he" isn't going to be part of some chemical experiment. It's about "him", not me at all. And he'll never see that nor admit to that. I'm just not looking forward to whatever note he's going to send in the box when he "ships my things to me"....I know him well enough to know there will be one.
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I saw an act of faith today. A man was on his knees, not in a pew in a Church, but in a garden planting seeds. ~~Unknown
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Kevin_M
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Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast
« Reply #20 on: Apr 19th, 2004, 2:20pm » |
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on Apr 19th, 2004, 2:15pm, Redd715 wrote:
in the grand scheme of things it wasn't about me. It was about him |
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Easily seen.
Kevin M
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Linda_Howell
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Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast
« Reply #21 on: Apr 19th, 2004, 2:27pm » |
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Hey Redd/Peg...I'm gonna keep this thread going for a couple more posts because I think it's important.
Important for you, as well as others who may be going through this exact same thing.
Redd/Pegg is hurting really bad right now. Let's give her all the good help we can right now to deal with this break-up.
Pegg, We are your family now. Lean on us. LindaH
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Kindness, is gladdening the hearts of those who are traveling the dark journey with us.
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Kevin_M
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Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast
« Reply #22 on: Apr 19th, 2004, 2:35pm » |
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on Apr 19th, 2004, 2:27pm, Linda_Howell wrote:| Pegg, We are your family now. Lean on us. LindaH |
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BINGO!!!
Kevin M
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Redd
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Re: Another Relationship falls victim to the beast
« Reply #23 on: Apr 19th, 2004, 2:42pm » |
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Linda thank you hun...I know I'm feeling sorry for myself here...but the wound is still new ya know? I'm trying to come to grips myself with the whole concept of having an affliction that I can't just go to the doctor, take some medicine, and it'll all go away and I'll be good as new. Then the man I love, who claimed to love me, wanted a life with me, wanted to blend our families and create a home together bails on me because rather than accept the doctors diagnosis, he's hell bent to convince not only himeslf but me as well that it has to be anything BUT cluster headaches. Good God and Goddess this hurts.
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I saw an act of faith today. A man was on his knees, not in a pew in a Church, but in a garden planting seeds. ~~Unknown
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