Author |
Topic: Turned 50 and my body fell apart! (Read 688 times) |
|
Elaine
Guest
|
Yep turned 50 went to the doctor. The test they run.
EKG they did two both come out different. My cholestrol is high and emizines are really high. They tell me I am high risk for heart attack. Gave me meds. 
Then they do the pap smear thing I hat thost things. While she is doing that she says she will do the retal exam. She says this as she rams her finger up my ass. A little more warning would have been nice. 
They send me for a Dex test (measures my bones) I flunked that one. They are giving me meds
They test my hearing, I lost conserable hearing in both ears. So its off the the ear doctor Monday. See when I say what I wasn't being stupid I really did not hear ya 
They did that test where you walk toe to toe, well I found out if I ever get stopped by the police and they think I am drinking, not to even try to do the test just let them take me to jail.
They will be doing a mamogram and ultra sound on me next Saturday. I am really looking forward to having my tit put in a vice and mashed. 
The ultra sound won't be bad its just sticky LOL
Then the last test oh this should be fun! They are going to do a Flexible Sigmoidoscopy Procedure.I just don't think my ass is going to like this test. For two days I have to be on a clear liquid diet before the test. They make you take three friggen enemas. They are giving me valium before the test. I am having nightmares about this test. Then it says on this paper work after this is over if you should have more than a half a cup of blood coming from your butt then call the doctor. I am thinking man they are going to put a tube up my butt and its going to hurt or they wouldn't be giving me a valum, they are going to make it bleed. Any amount of blood coming from my ass is going to scare the hell out of me.  I am going to have to think about having this test done. My ass is a virgin and I am going to keep it that way 
I think I may chicken out of this one. 
Who thought these test up???????????
I want to be 20 again 
|
|
 IP Logged |
|
|
|
Woobie
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
I luv you guys!!!!!!!!
Gender: 
Posts: 3800
|
 |
Re: Turned 50 and my body fell apart!
« Reply #1 on: Mar 27th, 2004, 8:48am » |
 Quote  Modify
|
OH Elaine....
Well..... at least you LOOK good! You are one gorgeous woman, sister!!!!
I love you!
tina
|
|
IP Logged |
|
|
|
Luke63
New Board Hall of Famer
For sale: 1 BIG BARKING HEAD Price: Free
Gender: 
Posts: 1182
|
|
Re: Turned 50 and my body fell apart!
« Reply #2 on: Mar 27th, 2004, 8:58am » |
Quote Modify
|
Hey Elaine..Im 41 and had one done last Feb...don't sweat it ok..really! They'll give ya some shit to put ya half out anyhow...u wont feel athing. The worst part for me was not eating for almost 2 days...hated that shit..being that i eat like a horse. I promise...if u wake up from this scope and you even half remember it...u can c'mon down and kick me in the ass ok? Luke
|
|
IP Logged |
I think we should all get together and do a movie..."Night of The Clusterheads". George Romero would have nothing on us!!!
|
|
|
Luke63
New Board Hall of Famer
For sale: 1 BIG BARKING HEAD Price: Free
Gender:
Posts: 1182
|
|
Re: Turned 50 and my body fell apart!
« Reply #3 on: Mar 27th, 2004, 9:00am » |
Quote Modify
|
P.S. Elaine..they say blood....that's a just in case move on their part as not to alrm you..I had none at all..bet you wont have any either. They say that so if u have a bit...u don't think you're dying or something like that ok? trust me. Luke
|
|
IP Logged |
I think we should all get together and do a movie..."Night of The Clusterheads". George Romero would have nothing on us!!!
|
|
|
Melissa
Guest
|
|
Re: Turned 50 and my body fell apart!
« Reply #4 on: Mar 27th, 2004, 9:16am » |
Quote Modify
 Remove
|
Elaine, all this talk about your ass is gonna give me nightmares.  I'm really sorry your body is falling apart, and I'll be on the next plane to Georgia to paste ya back together. Relax! You're gonna be OK! I have the duct tape!! 
kisses 
mel
|
|
IP Logged |
|
|
|
Lobster
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Gender:
Posts: 2016
|
|
Re: Turned 50 and my body fell apart!
« Reply #5 on: Mar 27th, 2004, 9:27am » |
Quote Modify
|
Woob's right... you look great, so do not sweat it.
What cholesterol meds did they put you on? Ask for Lipitor or another good statin. They are finding that Lipitor is the wonder drug... look it up... does everything for every one.
Cholesterol-Lowering Drugs Cut Stroke Risk
http://www.paktribune.com/news/index.php?id=59609
Study backs lowering cholesterol even more
http://www.twincities.com/mld/twincities/news/nation/8138158.htm
I have been on Lipitor for three years now. No side effects. When I increased my life insurance from $1m to $2m I had to get another physical. At that time I found out that my cholesterol is out of whack... not high, but the good to bad ratio was messed up... not enough good, so my doc put me on Lipitor until the day I die.
My dad kicked the bucket suddenly at the young age of 56 from a heart attack. Go with the Lipitor. Keep the heart healthy my friend!
Rock
|
|
IP Logged |
Rock beats Scissors.
|
|
|
Kevin_M
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
withered branches grow green again.
Gender:
Posts: 6184
|
|
Re: Turned 50 and my body fell apart!
« Reply #6 on: Mar 27th, 2004, 11:08am » |
Quote Modify
|
Elaine,
I've only got 334 more days 'til...the big L (50)
Languish and lassitude?
I'm sure I'll learn to like it.
Take care, there are more rungs on the ladder to go.
Crap, I was never good at shuffleboard.
Hope your butt comes up clean. 
You still row well anyway.
Kevin M
|
|
IP Logged |
|
|
|
suzy617
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Love is friendship set on fire
Gender:
Posts: 1902
|
|
Re: Turned 50 and my body fell apart!
« Reply #7 on: Mar 27th, 2004, 12:26pm » |
Quote Modify
|
on Mar 27th, 2004, 8:30am, Elaine wrote:
. I am really looking forward to having my tit put in a vice and mashed.
|
|
This is important for all us women over 40. Hey...it saved my life.
But the ass test...
Chin up girl, you are one beautiful 50 year old.
Suzy
|
|
IP Logged |
When God measures men, He puts the tape around the heart, not the head.
|
|
|
Ree
New Board Hall of Famer
2008's my year to shine~SUN IS OUT!!!YAY
   
Gender:
Posts: 5236
|
|
Re: Turned 50 and my body fell apart!
« Reply #8 on: Mar 27th, 2004, 11:12pm » |
Quote Modify
|
Heck Elaine I have to wear tight clothes to hold my body together.... by the time I'm 50 I will have to use duct tape too... Mel I might need ya........... E you are still a hottie in my eyes and I hope I look as good at 50 honey...love ree
|
|
IP Logged |
Proud Mom to US ARMY Kiowa OH58 PILOT~CWO2 SCOTT Hawaii, & USMC Vet~Now POLICE OFFICER SEAN, Citizen of the Month~ Breezy~ Nana 4 Matt/Mike&Aya, MIL To Shino Wife to Dave HI BILL!http://www.myspace.com/dungareespocket http://www.prohawaiian.com
|
|
|
Callico
New Board Hall of Famer
Proud Dad of a US Marine!
Gender:
Posts: 1395
|
|
Re: Turned 50 and my body fell apart!
« Reply #9 on: Mar 28th, 2004, 1:17am » |
Quote Modify
|
I'll hit the 50 mark in June too. Beats the heck out of the alternative though!
When we had the wife in for a colonoscopy a couple of weeks ago and she had some complications we decided that we are like taking an old car to the repair shop. They will always find something else that needs fixin! 
Thanks for the laugh! I needed it.
Jerry
|
|
IP Logged |
"When He acts on the left, I cannot behold Him; He turns on the right I cannot see Him. But He knows the way that I take; when He has tried me I shall come forth as gold." Job23:9,10
|
|
|
bobkip
New Board Old Timer
I love YaBB 1G - SP1!
Gender:
Posts: 492
|
|
Re: Turned 50 and my body fell apart!
« Reply #10 on: Mar 28th, 2004, 2:11am » |
Quote Modify
|
YOU KIDS... Got my medicare card today. Talk about frrling old. I'll hit the true senior cirizen 65 this July and I could bore the shit out of all of you 'bout getting old but.... The up the ass test is a piece of cake, the worst part is the prep before, don't remember much of the actual test. And E, you don't need duct tape, you need another smooch. At least my kisser still works.
Kip
|
|
IP Logged |
|
|
|
cootie
New Board Hall of Famer
sumday I'm gonna be sumbody........ ..
Gender:
Posts: 8406
|
|
Re: Turned 50 and my body fell apart!
« Reply #11 on: Mar 28th, 2004, 2:26am » |
Quote Modify
|
I think somethings are better off UNKNOWN......after a certain age whatever they look for they will find.......probeing and prodding away.........YUK. Now what's this I hear about a extreme GAS problem after the anal probe deal and you jus have to sit there with a blank look on yer face and fart yourself to death in front of strangers........till yer deflated and then you can leave ?? I started workin out several years ago 5 days a week and my doc is leaveing me alone......tryin to stay ahead of the game Pam
You look good.......so all should turn out fine........tell us all about it at the convention !!!! Nice late nite stories............blahhhh-ha-ha-ha..blahhhhhh !
|
|
IP Logged |
Cause and Effect......"Cause is the effect concealed, Effect is the cause revealed"
|
|
|
jonny
Guest
|
|
Re: Turned 50 and my body fell apart!
« Reply #12 on: Mar 28th, 2004, 2:33am » |
Quote Modify
Remove
|
Im holding out for the "Well, you look great" scan.......My ass is exit only.......LM(Exit only) Ass off
............................................jonny
|
|
IP Logged |
|
|
|
Renee
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
May we all find some pf time! Is it summer yet?
Gender:
Posts: 1060
|
|
Re: Turned 50 and my body fell apart!
« Reply #13 on: Mar 28th, 2004, 10:52am » |
Quote Modify
|
Mine is better referred to as the big "EO" (exit only)!
E,
Don't worry your pretty lil self over this! Just fart away afterwards and pretend you don't even hear it!
Keep those mammo's scheduled regularly...listen to Suzi, bless her heart!
I'm here if ya need me and thanks again for the card.
hugs and love
renee
|
|
IP Logged |
23 years of battling the beast, 9 years chronic......uneducated docs/nurses make me irate.
The fungus among us is for real!
|
|
|
Charlie
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Happy to be here
 
Gender:
Posts: 14968
|
|
Re: Turned 50 and my body fell apart!
« Reply #14 on: Mar 28th, 2004, 6:43pm » |
Quote Modify
|
Quote:| For two days I have to be on a clear liquid diet before the test. They make you take three friggen enemas. |
|
I pay good money for this every weekend
You think you're falling apart? My face is beginning to look like Richard Nixon and everything else is just waiting for the word to leave the field. 
Seriously, you're gonna do fine kid....50....the good old days.
Charlie
|
|
IP Logged |
There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
|
|
|
Superpain
New Board Hall of Famer
GOT O2!?
Gender:
Posts: 1351
|
|
Re: Turned 50 and my body fell apart!
« Reply #15 on: Mar 28th, 2004, 9:29pm » |
Quote Modify
|
Thanks Elaine!
I just got around to reading this post.
I'm at the end of my rope right now fighting these headaches... Everytime I even think about laying down my head explodes. It's terribly depressing.
But some how I feel a little better now.
I hope everything goes well for you!
|
|
IP Logged |
Chris
|
|
|
BarbaraD
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Hugs to ya
Gender:
Posts: 5164
|
|
Re: Turned 50 and my body fell apart!
« Reply #16 on: Mar 29th, 2004, 6:30am » |
Quote Modify
|
I'm with Kip on the Senior Citizen thingy. Age is just mind over matter - if you don't mind - it don't matter! (yeah right!)
Seriously, I just don't have tests run - that way I don't get all those long looks. Go to the vitamin store and get Cayenne Pepper caps for the colestrol (don't have a problem with that one) and the heart problems (gotta find a heart first). B6 for the swelling (yep us Older ladies get that whether we want it or not) and a few dozen other vitamins for other things. My doc gets upset cause he can't find things wrong with me. I keep telling him all my problems are in my head!
Then I keep a 2 year old on weekends to get all the exercise I need for the week. Seems to be working.
Of course, over sixty, you get a new lease on life.... I have FOUR men in my life these days: I usually wake up with Charley (horse), then I go visit John. After that Arthur (Ritis) comes to visit, so I go back to bed with Ben (Gay).
Hang in there - docs get paid to find things wrong with us. Start with the vitamins.... then all we have to worry about is the headaches...
Hugs BD
|
|
IP Logged |
What don't kill ya, Makes ya stonger!
|
|
|
helpless23
New Board Old Timer
Gender:
Posts: 269
|
|
Re: Turned 50 and my body fell apart!
« Reply #17 on: Mar 29th, 2004, 7:59am » |
Quote Modify
|
Being female is tough Elaine! 
Big hugs to you sweetie.
Much Love,
Toni
|
|
IP Logged |
|
|
|
echo
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Chronic and still alive --- I Win!
Gender:
Posts: 4214
|
|
Re: Turned 50 and my body fell apart!
« Reply #18 on: Mar 29th, 2004, 10:06am » |
Quote Modify
|
Closing in on 50 myself. Noticed that the spririt is still there but the body just dosen't cooperate like it used to.
Getting ready for my 50 checkup and the inevitable violation of the "one way device" rule.
|
|
IP Logged |
"If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it".
Proud Dad of a US Marine, and a former Marine turned Police Officer.
|
|
|
cootie
New Board Hall of Famer
sumday I'm gonna be sumbody........ ..
Gender:
Posts: 8406
|
|
Re: Turned 50 and my body fell apart!
« Reply #19 on: Mar 29th, 2004, 10:14am » |
Quote Modify
|
Does vitamin B-6 help with bloating or jus plain swelling.....or did ya mean both Barb........or is it to prevent hangovers too.........somethin some where along the line swells with a hangover Pam
|
|
IP Logged |
Cause and Effect......"Cause is the effect concealed, Effect is the cause revealed"
|
|
|
Margi
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Nuthin like a good neck rub!
Gender:
Posts: 3757
|
|
Re: Turned 50 and my body fell apart!
« Reply #20 on: Mar 29th, 2004, 11:57am » |
Quote Modify
|
TS, check your messages, I've sent you MY Sigmoid experience.
You'll be fine, I promise.
|
|
IP Logged |
http://askusaboutourgrandkids.photosite.com/
And, on the Eighth Day...God created Beer (to stop the Canadians from taking over the world)
source unknown
IMHO (which in my universe is correct)
kathy copelin, ch.com 8/8/06
|
|
|
Sean_C
Guest
|
|
Re: Turned 50 and my body fell apart!
« Reply #21 on: Mar 29th, 2004, 7:32pm » |
Quote Modify
Remove
|
Elaine I had to laugh...........you are a hot shit
I think we all feel that way, at least I do.
Still laughing..................
PFDAN to you
Sean
|
|
IP Logged |
|
|
|
Elaine
Guest
|
|
Re: Turned 50 and my body fell apart!
« Reply #22 on: Mar 29th, 2004, 8:21pm » |
Quote Modify
Remove
|
Thanks guys. I am a little worried about how all these test will come out. I had my hearing test done today by the ear doctor, lost concerable hearing in both ears. Means I need two earing aids. $2,250 per ear. I won't be getting them. Thats $4,500 !!! People are just going to have to talk louder when talking to me and when I get old I have a quiet world to look forward to
Next test is mamogram and ultra sound next Saturday. Suzy your post brought back memories. I know how important these test are. Maybe someday they will come up with a better way for us ! Glad your going to be ok !
Margi I am ROTFLMAO at that message. Thanks so much for the warning LOL! You should post that LOL
I am glad I can make some of you guys smile. Its good for us to smile
I don't go for the ass test till May, I don't have a baby sitter for JD so have to wait till Deveny takes her vacations so thats on hold till May!
Thanks for the thumbs up all!
Hmmmm hot shit LOL
|
|
IP Logged |
|
|
|
broomhilda
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Ride it!
Gender:
Posts: 2533
|
|
Re: Turned 50 and my body fell apart!
« Reply #23 on: Mar 29th, 2004, 8:51pm » |
Quote Modify
|
Elaine, take good care and let us know how you're doing!
My mom always says at least she will have good teeth and the dentist has a great mercedes!
Luv and hugs
Andrea
|
|
IP Logged |
Suck it up Princess...
|
|
|
|
|
|
Home
Help
Search
Members
Member Map
Login
Register
Reply
Notify of replies
Send Topic
Print
test rss