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Topic: Little blue over here (Read 373 times) |
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sandie99
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Wish it, dream it, do it - inspite the pain!
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Little blue over here
« on: Feb 7th, 2004, 10:33am » |
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I know I should be happy. My life is in interesting stage: I'm graduating this spring, so all the good stuff is yet to come.
But guess what? I still have the same CH cycle going on since November and nothing helps. I'm seeing my doc in April and then I'll get one of those MNRI scans (or something like that). But it doesn't help me much now, as I struggle to keep my mind positive. And I have a dissertation to write... Great.
I know I should be used to the fact that my close circle needs my support always, but I don't get anything back. The last two years have been difficult for me and since I feel that you lot are the only ones who actually stop for a second to read what is wrong in my life, it tells me that something is very wrong in my life.
Since late October I have been depressed. And I know that it's something I am not allowed to do. Heaven's sake, if neighbours knew that sandie is depressed! That's worse destiny for my mum than retiring this fall!
There are moments when I think that why I keep myself going? What's the use...? I lost my dreams with last fall's rains. Funny, but as my mum plans what she'll be doing when she can plan it all by herself, I don't see a future at all...
OK, I think I have rambled enough... Sorry, if I made you feel sad. It's just that for once I feel that I should get some of the support I give coming to me, too.
sandie99 
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CH happends, Live anyway! PF days to us all!
"Do what you can and let God take care of the rest. Leave your heart wide open and always wish for the best" (Sanna Hillu)
"No matter how far out your dreams are, it's possible" (Marketa Irglova)
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River_Rat
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NUFF SAID!!!
 
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Re: Little blue over here
« Reply #1 on: Feb 7th, 2004, 10:58am » |
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Hey You, chin up! I know I don't speak for everyone but in my life I sometimes get the same way you discribe.
All I can say is just hang in there and take it day by day, then for some unknown reason things WILL get better, I can't explain it, but it will happen. As far as your CH go, I think maybe you've just had it with them and I understand that. I know after about three months I'm at my wits end but they should end soon remember that, I also think the old expression is very true that is ....... "God will not give you more then you can handle" and another thing, if your at the bottom now you have know where else to go, but up.
Just breath in and out for now and just let time pass it will be better I promise.
PFDAN
NORM
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| « Last Edit: Feb 7th, 2004, 11:01am by River_Rat » |
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Edski_1
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All the years combine...they melt into a dream...
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Re: Little blue over here
« Reply #2 on: Feb 7th, 2004, 11:28am » |
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Sandie, what have you been trying to help relieve the CH's? Before my current cycle started in OCtober I thought there was "nothing" that could help, since my previous bout had been mis-diagnosed...
But there ARE effective treatments...it just takes a little effort and experimentation to find what works for the individual. Some of us get lucky and find it quick, others have to search. I know I had to look pretty hard to find a combination of meds to battle my hypertension-it SUCKED. The side effects were horrible-gastric, nasty HA's...but eventually my 180/110 blood pressure got under control and now is in the 120/80 range...
Luckily, it wasn't that hard for my neuro to zero in on topamax for a preventative for my CH's...and my GP found zomig pretty quicky as an abortive for me. Before I tried zomig in October I NEVER DREAMED there was med like it...
So there is hope...even if it is just knowing there are open ears on this board. Keep your chin up. WE DO UNDERSTAND HERE! 
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This is the mystery of the quotient; upon us all a little rain must fall...
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Tara Ann
CH.com Alumnus
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It's always darkest before the dawn.
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Re: Little blue over here
« Reply #3 on: Feb 7th, 2004, 11:41am » |
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So sorry to hear you are so down Sandie. I hear ya when it comes to family sucking more or less. we are guardians of my 17yr old highschool dropout jobless brother and he couldn't even babysit so my husband could work while I was in the hospital. Nor did either of my sisters call me once while I was in the hospital. But that shows you you cant chose your family but you can choose your friends. You keep your chin up girl, your days will get brighter (always darkest before the dawn!) and you keep venting to us anytime you need to! It will get better (It can't NOT get better is what I keep telling myself). We are here for you as a sholder to cry on or a listening ear to vent to. We are your family.
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http://www.myspace.com/taraann77
 
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stevegeebe
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Re: Little blue over here
« Reply #4 on: Feb 7th, 2004, 8:35pm » |
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Sandie,
What are you taking now for you headaches? Have you tried a different mix? Could your meds be causing some of what you are feeling?
Please remember that we are here for you. Never forget this! If you need someone to just plain old listen, please do not hesitate reaching out.
Remember, like we all thought that we were all alone with CH, you are not the only one to experience these feelings. Don't not do anything about it. Please.
Write me if you want to hear a sucess story or if you just want to talk.
Hope that you find some relief. Hope...you know.?
Steve G
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ShariRae
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Re: Little blue over here
« Reply #5 on: Feb 7th, 2004, 10:48pm » |
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Sandie,
You are never alone when yer a "Clusterhead"..you have us & we all understand..screw the people that dont & dont waste you time or energy on them. Focus on YOU...make YOURSELF a priority & let the rest of the stuff fall into place. We are here hon..anytime you need us.
Huggs
Shari
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| « Last Edit: Feb 7th, 2004, 10:48pm by ShariRae » |
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Jesus Christ and the American Soldier.
One died for your soul, the other for your freedom.
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TxBasslady
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Re: Little blue over here
« Reply #6 on: Feb 8th, 2004, 1:01am » |
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Sandie,
It must be tough when you feel that you have no support from those closest to you.
But you know.....that noone understands CH better than another clusterhead. Seems like you are in a really long cycle. It's no wonder that you are depressed.
But NEVER EVER forget that we are here. We understand....we have been there. Don't let the depression win!!! This is a real battle.....and you have to come out the winner!!
Sending you prayers.....and lots and lots of PF vibes.
We're here for you.......let us know if we can help in any way.
Jean
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How lucky I am... to have known someone who was so hard to say goodbye too.
Take a kid fishin
www.takemefishin.org
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Woobie
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Re: Little blue over here
« Reply #7 on: Feb 8th, 2004, 10:18am » |
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Sending VIBES to ya!!
You can get thru this! You're a clusterhead - you're stonger than you're giving yourself credit for. Keep yer head held HIGh.. and do whatcha gotta do! This WILL end!
now, go kick some dissertation ass!!! 
tina
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| « Last Edit: Feb 8th, 2004, 10:19am by Woobie » |
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ave
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Re: Little blue over here
« Reply #8 on: Feb 8th, 2004, 7:44pm » |
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Writing a dissertation, sitting still most of the time - that helps depression along very nicely.
Even if you hate it, go do something physical every day. Work out and get dog tired - helps against depression!
Go eat something sweet to stoke up afterwards - helps against depression! (not psychologically, but in a very concrete, physical way).
And if you think you cannot, honestly not, cope, go see a doc for that depression. Don't be ashamed.
Too many people wait too long and dig themselves in all the way.
Sending some vibes your way - hope they make it across the Baltic...
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There is a break in reality. Do not adjust your mind.
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AlienSpaceBabe
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Re: Little blue over here
« Reply #9 on: Feb 9th, 2004, 12:03am » |
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sandie, you have email!
and keep coming here! we understand... completely! come here and vent your frustrations, share your feelings, read and laugh (at the funny stuff).....
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Big Dan
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Re: Little blue over here
« Reply #10 on: Feb 9th, 2004, 12:58am » |
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... sorry babe...
Shit hits the fan like that every now and then... but you just gotta keep grindin' away...
... sorry... I don't get real philosophical...
Here's some Vibage for ya.... 
-Big Dan
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bobkip
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Re: Little blue over here
« Reply #11 on: Feb 9th, 2004, 1:31am » |
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Hi Sandie,
Yeah, it's not easy being a clusterhead and nobody but nobody understands. I was there before I found ch.com. I was chronic for abot 1 1/2 years, getting hit 5 to 7 times a day with mostly 10s on bad days but I kept telling myself "this will end" while pacing the floor. I'm episodic now but, fortunately O2 is working great. Hang in there and never ever say you're sorry for a well needed vent.
pf
Kip
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