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Topic: Cyber......? (Read 1033 times) |
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jonny
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bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of shit.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Jonny congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
To be continued 
...................jonny
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jonny
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Two days later.....
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh shit
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh shit
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something
To be continued
.............jonny
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JDH
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Re: Cyber......?
« Reply #2 on: Feb 5th, 2004, 4:06pm » |
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slow day Jonny?
Jim
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9-11-01, to remember is to honor.
It's not what you know, it's what you can prove.
ECH established 1985
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jonny
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Very slow....LOL
Not for this dude though...LOL
oodninja: Wanna cyber?
Katie_007: Sure, you into vegetables?
bloodninja: What like gardening an shit?
Katie_007: Yeah, something like that.
bloodninja: Nothing turns me on more, check this out:
bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
Katie_007: is that it?
bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
Katie_007: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... sexily.
bloodninja: I ride your buttocks like they were amber waves of grains.
Katie_007: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
bloodninja: Damn baby you're right, this shit is HOTT.
Katie_007: ...
bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
Katie_007: What the f*ck is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
bloodninja: Yeah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
Katie_007: whatever.
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thomas
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WTF??? I thought this was supposed to be "When men were oysters". lmao.
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jonny
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on Feb 5th, 2004, 4:16pm, thomas wrote:| WTF??? I thought this was supposed to be "When men were oysters". lmao. |
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When men were oysters they fought for their meals, back when the day they fought tigers for the meat in the jungle, Ya hear me?....I hear me!!!
Thats all I got for now....LMAO
......................jonny
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Linda_Howell
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Hearing is one thing. Listening is another.
 
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Re: Cyber......?
« Reply #6 on: Feb 5th, 2004, 4:58pm » |
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o.k. J.....
Just now saw this.
sigh..what do I have to do to be your God? I know it has to be something.
lmao....you hear me? I hear me.
O.K. I propose this.:::::::
Jonny is King here.
I am Queen. works for me. lmao
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Kindness, is gladdening the hearts of those who are traveling the dark journey with us.
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Woobie
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Re: Cyber......?
« Reply #7 on: Feb 5th, 2004, 6:42pm » |
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I'm cornfudicated!
imagine that!
tina
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t_h_b
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primary chronic since 1999
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Re: Cyber......?
« Reply #8 on: Feb 5th, 2004, 6:50pm » |
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Jonny, is this sh*t for real or did you make it up?
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No, it's not a headache--it's a Stage Ten Primary Chronic Periodic Idiopathic Trigeminovascular Cephalalgic Crisis.
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jonny
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Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.
Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.
Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
Sweetheart: What's the matter?
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jonny
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Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.
Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my
way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray,
picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
Sweetheart: <logged off>
LMMFYBO.......
..................jonny
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brad267
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Re: Cyber......?
« Reply #11 on: Feb 5th, 2004, 7:00pm » |
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jonny,
you better copyright this stuff. It's gold!
Brad
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-- He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.
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justasound
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Re: Cyber......?
« Reply #12 on: Feb 5th, 2004, 7:50pm » |
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I sit aghast and bedazzled... I haven't luaghed that hard from reading in a very long time.. That is f**king hillarious!! HAIL TO THE KING!
Thanx I needed that...... Lee
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You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
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brain_cramps
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Re: Cyber......?
« Reply #13 on: Feb 5th, 2004, 8:01pm » |
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waaaaaaaaaaaaay too fuckin funny jonny
*round of applause*
grant 
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jonny
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Im glad you dudes got a laugh.....but do you really think I could come up with that?....Hmmmmm, Probably, but I didnt.
Was sent to me, I just re-arrainged and tweaked it.
...................................jonny
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justasound
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Re: Cyber......?
« Reply #15 on: Feb 5th, 2004, 8:46pm » |
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Whatever it takes to promote that kind of comedy, let her rip... Thanks for posting it.
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Ann
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Re: Cyber......?
« Reply #16 on: Feb 5th, 2004, 9:36pm » |
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Jonny....you're nuts man!  ROFLMAO
hugs
Ann
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Sean_C
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Bro........put the bottle down and go to bed....I think you've had enough don't you 
BED NOW its getting embarrassing LMAO
Sean...........
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Peppermint
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Re: Cyber......?
« Reply #18 on: Feb 5th, 2004, 11:42pm » |
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Oh Man Jonny...  ... ROTFLMCLLAO.
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FYI - I am NOT a clusterhead.
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cootie
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sumday I'm gonna be sumbody........ ..
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Re: Cyber......?
« Reply #19 on: Feb 5th, 2004, 11:52pm » |
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That was funny.................Pam that likes funny stuff when I'm not feelin funny
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Cause and Effect......"Cause is the effect concealed, Effect is the cause revealed"
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thomas
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Too funny man........
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BruceD
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Re: Cyber......?
« Reply #21 on: Feb 6th, 2004, 9:11am » |
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<BruceD makes a mental note>
"Never, and I repeat NEVER, read one of jonny's posts first thing in the morning while drinking coffee ..."
BTW, you owe me a new keyboard J-man, typing in a pool of spit coffee is not fun.
Later
BruceD
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Childhood is short, maturity is forever. (The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes)
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brain_cramps
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Re: Cyber......?
« Reply #22 on: Feb 7th, 2004, 11:29am » |
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still waiting for the next "episode" jonny
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Little Deb
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Re: Cyber......?
« Reply #23 on: Feb 7th, 2004, 11:54am » |
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only you.....jonny.......only you.....
with hurting cheeks............little deb
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Adopt a shelter pet!
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cathy
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Re: Cyber......?
« Reply #24 on: Feb 7th, 2004, 11:59am » |
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OMG ROFLMAO...I think Hirvi wrote it....
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My own tears would mean nothing to me, if I could stop you from just shedding one....
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