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Topic: Rules from the mans side (non CH) (Read 336 times) |
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Tiannia
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Rules from the mans side (non CH)
« on: Feb 5th, 2004, 2:52pm » |
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OK guys - your time has come, please add to this list as I am sure you will come up with others.
(Ladies enjoy the laugh  )
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note...these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.
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The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change. - Carl Rogers
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thomas
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Re: Rules from the mans side (non CH)
« Reply #1 on: Feb 5th, 2004, 2:54pm » |
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I really agree with number 1. But number 1. is bs. 
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Brian_Y
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Re: Rules from the mans side (non CH)
« Reply #2 on: Feb 5th, 2004, 3:04pm » |
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Prostitution is only legal in certain Nevada counties.
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BobG
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Re: Rules from the mans side (non CH)
« Reply #3 on: Feb 5th, 2004, 3:20pm » |
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1. The garage is NOT for parking our car in. It's for parking MY motorcycle and MY hot rod.
1. The garage has room for only one person. ME.
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Tiannia
New Board Hall of Famer
Life does not apologies......
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Re: Rules from the mans side (non CH)
« Reply #4 on: Feb 5th, 2004, 3:34pm » |
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on Feb 5th, 2004, 3:04pm, Brian_Y wrote:| Prostitution is only legal in certain Nevada counties. |
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Actually Prostitutuin is legal in all counties in Nevada except Clark (where Vegas is ) and Washoe (where Reno is).
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The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change. - Carl Rogers
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KingOfPain
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Re: Rules from the mans side (non CH)
« Reply #5 on: Feb 5th, 2004, 6:00pm » |
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1. We have normal bodily functions,
just like you. These include passing
gas & burping. We don't increase
these outputs just to "irritate you".
1. Don't ask us what we are thinking
about, you already know.
1. Don't ask us what we are thinking,
you probably don't want to know.
My 
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Arrived August, 1999.
We swallow greedily any lie that flatters us, but we sip only little by little at a truth we find bitter.
- Denis Diderot
Real friendship is shown in times of trouble; prosperity is full of friends. - Euripides
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KingOfPain
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Disgusted!
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Re: Rules from the mans side (non CH)
« Reply #6 on: Feb 5th, 2004, 6:03pm » |
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on Feb 5th, 2004, 2:52pm, Tiannia wrote:
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
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I love this one, by the way.
Edit:
This thread should be fun. 
Thanks Tiannia!
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| « Last Edit: Feb 5th, 2004, 6:17pm by KingOfPain » |
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Arrived August, 1999.
We swallow greedily any lie that flatters us, but we sip only little by little at a truth we find bitter.
- Denis Diderot
Real friendship is shown in times of trouble; prosperity is full of friends. - Euripides
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brad267
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Re: Rules from the mans side (non CH)
« Reply #7 on: Feb 5th, 2004, 6:04pm » |
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1. When it's poker night, they're YOUR kids.
2. I don't care WHAT you cook, just cook it sometime tonight.
3. If you're STILL the same woman that I dated / married, then you've got some explaining to do in the bedroom.
4. I've already accepted that I don't get to keep any of MY paycheck. Why won't you?
5. That Honey-Do list ain't never gonna get done. Just accept it!
6. Stop taking an hour to explain something that only took 10 minutes in "REAL" life. I get bored!
7. I'll change diapers, if you change oil. I'll do laundry if you mow the lawn.
8. At that "time of the month" all I really need to know is: when it starts and ends. I squirm at the middle stuff.
9. STOP introducing me to your friends as: My husband who (insert all faults and screw-ups for past year)
10. Strip clubs are OK! No sex with you AFTER visiting a strip club is OK also. But, sex before the strip club saves money.....
Just my two cents,
Brad
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-- He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.
Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001), "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
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Linda_Howell
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Hearing is one thing. Listening is another.
 
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Re: Rules from the mans side (non CH)
« Reply #8 on: Feb 5th, 2004, 6:23pm » |
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i DO TRUST YOU....
cluster chuck
kop
cAthi P
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Kindness, is gladdening the hearts of those who are traveling the dark journey with us.
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BarbaraD
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Hugs to ya
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Re: Rules from the mans side (non CH)
« Reply #9 on: Feb 5th, 2004, 6:26pm » |
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The GARAGE is for parking your rear if you think these RULES apply to anything...... LMAO 
The only difference between men and boys -- is the size of their shoes and the price of their toys..... When will you guys ever learn
YOU CAN'T WIN!!!!!!!!
But we have to love ya - that's in the rules
Hugs BD
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What don't kill ya, Makes ya stonger!
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jonny
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Re: Rules from the mans side (non CH)
« Reply #10 on: Feb 5th, 2004, 6:27pm » |
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1) STFU and get me another beer or you'll be back living at your parents and I'll be in heaven, Bitch!!!
Nuff said
...............................jonny
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Cerberus
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Whomever said that two heads are better than one?
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Re: Rules from the mans side (non CH)
« Reply #11 on: Feb 5th, 2004, 8:36pm » |
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1. Please don't try to initiate conversation with the question "What are you doing?" you can plainly see what I am doing and it is pointless and annoying to ask anyway.
1. Don't complain that "We never spend any time together." When we work opposite shifts and you sleep days or I have spent the entire day trying to accomplish all of the tasks you have planned for me.
1. We are not mind readers, if you have a "plan" please feel free to let the rest of us know about it.
am I warm yet? 
Ramon
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I would rather face the end with terror than terror without end. - (Deitrich Sawatsky 194?)
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Charlie
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Re: Rules from the mans side (non CH)
« Reply #12 on: Feb 6th, 2004, 2:35am » |
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It's men who understand and are the true artists with a remote control.
Never ask us "what do you mean by that?" We have nothing to add.
There is nothing useful in a handbook or instruction manual....... forget it. You'll never understand.
Mean old Charlie
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| « Last Edit: Feb 6th, 2004, 2:46am by Charlie » |
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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