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Topic: lawyer jokes (Read 594 times) |
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Sisyphus
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At least when its over you can have a beer!
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lawyer jokes
« on: Nov 24th, 2004, 1:42pm » |
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Lawyers, solicitors, all those legal profession vampires are a very reasonable target for humour. I am offering two jokes here, have you guys got any lawyer jokes?
Q. What's the difference between a dead dog lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road?
A. There are always skid marks before the dog.
Q. Why don't sharks attack lawyers?
A. Professional Etiquette.
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The gods had condemned Sisyphus to ceaselessly rolling a rock to the top of a mountain, whence the stone would fall back of its own weight. They thought there no more dreadful punishment!
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Testy1
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Re: lawyer jokes
« Reply #1 on: Nov 24th, 2004, 2:05pm » |
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I've never heard the one about the skid-marks. That's a good one. 
A lawyer was tooling along in his new BMW when he was sideswiped by a truck. Massive damage.
The lawyer stood beside his car screaming "My beamer! My beamer!"
A bystander commented, "You fool! The truck took your arm off!"
The lawyer changed his lament to "My Rolex! My Rolex!"
What do you call 50 lawyers buried up to their necks below the high-tide mark?
A good start.
A lawyer heard of a wealthy farmer about to get a divorce. Driving into the barnyard and parking, the lawyer got out and accidentally stepped in a pit of pig manure.
His concern? "Help help. I'm melting!"
What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A rottweiler.
Good to see you back.
Jack.
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Sisyphus
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At least when its over you can have a beer!
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Re: lawyer jokes
« Reply #2 on: Nov 24th, 2004, 2:35pm » |
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yeah jack, you got me bustin a gut there with "the good start" thanks mate, after the past few days that's all the medicine I need. Sisyphus.
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The gods had condemned Sisyphus to ceaselessly rolling a rock to the top of a mountain, whence the stone would fall back of its own weight. They thought there no more dreadful punishment!
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Testy1
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Re: lawyer jokes
« Reply #3 on: Nov 24th, 2004, 3:28pm » |
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Laughing helps more than most things. It's either laugh or scream. Did Prof. Goadsby do anything helpful for you? You are lucky to be able to get hold of someone like him.
All the best
Jack.
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Lapsi_Harmaahapsi
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Re: lawyer jokes
« Reply #4 on: Nov 25th, 2004, 3:19am » |
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on Nov 24th, 2004, 2:05pm, Testy1 wrote:
What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A rottweiler.
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Reminds me of my favorite (seldom used) pick-up line:
You know what would look good on you? Me.
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- Aleksi
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Biker
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Re: lawyer jokes
« Reply #5 on: Nov 27th, 2004, 8:44am » |
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What do you call a dozen sky-diving attornies????
SKEET
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Ride it like ya stole it.
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Biker
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OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!
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Re: lawyer jokes
« Reply #6 on: Nov 27th, 2004, 9:00am » |
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There was this travellin attorney who followed the circut judge around the country in an attempt to drum up business from folks who had no defense attorney. In one little town, he would stay in a ranchers bunkhouse to avoid paying the higher cost of a motel.
He would stay at the ranchers bunkhouse a couple times a year, and became kinda friendly with the rancher and his daughter. Over time, the ranchers daughter became of age, and quite attractive. Eventually, the daughter slept one night with the travelling attorney.
About a year later, the attorney stopped at the ranchers spread looking to rent the bunkhouse again. He was met at the door by the daughter who was holding a baby. The attorney looked suprised and asked to meet her husband. The daughter said she had no husband, and he was the father of the baby.
The attorney asked why she did not contact him, and explained how he would have done the honorable thing and married the young girl. The girl replied that she and her dad talked about that, and they both decided they would rather have a bastard in the family than a lawyer.
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Ride it like ya stole it.
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