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Topic: When we can drink. (Read 562 times) |
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AussieBrian
New Board Hall of Famer
Got beer?
Gender: 
Posts: 1695
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When we can drink.
« on: Nov 17th, 2004, 9:11pm » |
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When:- Drinking fails to give satisfaction and front of
shirt is wet.
Maybe: Mouth is not open, or glass applied to wrong
part of face.
Then:- Buy more booze and practise in front of
mirror until technique perfected.
When:- Drink fails to give satisfaction and is pale and
weak. Front of shirt dry.
Maybe:- Glass is empty.
Then:- Find someone who will buy you another.
When:- Feet cold and wet.
Maybe:- Glass being held at wrong angle.
Then:- Turn glass other way so open end at top.
When:- Feet warm and wet.
Maybe:- Loss of self control.
Then:- Stand next to nearest dog. Complain to
owner. Demand new (expensive) drink in
compensation.
When:- Bar blurred.
Maybe:- You are looking through the bottom of
an empty glass.
Then:- See above.
When:- Bar swaying.
Maybe:- Air turbulance unusually high - perhaps
darts game in progress.
Then:- Insert broom handle down back of jacket.
When:- Bar moving.
Maybe:- You are being carried out.
Then:- Find out if you are being taken to another
pub. If not, complain loudly that you are
being kidnapped.
When:- You notice that the wall opposite is tiled and
has light fittings.
Maybe:- You have fallen over backwards.
Then:- If your glass is still full and no-one is standing
on your drinking arm, stay put. Otherwise,
have self lashed to bar.
When:- Everything has gone dim and your mouth is
full of cigarette ends.
Maybe:- You have fallen over forwards.
Then:- See above.
When:- You feel sharp pains in your rear.
Maybe:- You are standing too close to the pool table.
Then:- Ask to have pool table moved.
When:- Everything is going dark.
Maybe:- Pub is closing.
Then:- (a) Panic.
(b) Find another pub.
(c) Rush to bottle shop.
When:- You wake up to find your bed hard, cold and
wet. Cannot see bedroom walls or ceiling.
Maybe:- You've slept in the gutter.
Then:- Check watch to see if it's opening time yet.
If not, treat yourself to a nice lie-in.
(Author not known - but appreciated)
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Vulcrania horrendus - twice daily, then two at night in lieu of sleep.
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Ronny
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Yabba Dabba Doo
 
Gender:
Posts: 914
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Re: When we can drink.
« Reply #1 on: Nov 20th, 2004, 8:54pm » |
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Hehehe
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Count your rainbows, not your thunderstorms.
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