Author |
Topic: When Santa runs out of Prozac (Read 241 times) |
|
BobG
New Board Hall of Famer
Gender: 
Posts: 5747
|
 |
When Santa runs out of Prozac
« on: Dec 10th, 2003, 11:58am » |
 Quote  Modify
|
Dear Santa,
I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck.
Please, I really really want a fire truck this year!
Love, Joey
Dear Joey,
Let me make it up to you.
Christmas Eve, while you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house.
You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas,
I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together.
Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy,
What, and ruin that hot affair
your dad's still having with the babysitter?
He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son!
Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree,
and I left carrots or your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and
carrots make the deer fart in my face.
You want to be a kiss-ass?
Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and some Toblerone.
Santa
Dear Santa,
I really, really want a puppy this year.
Please, please, please, PLEASE!
Jimmy
Jimmy,
That whiney-begging shit may work with your folks,
but that crap don't work up here.
You're getting a sweater again.
Santa
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year?
Are you making toys?
Your friend, Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All toys get made in China.
I have a condo in Vegas,
where I spend most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses asses,
and losing all my cash at the craps table.
Hey, YOU wanted to know!
Santa
Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas.
Iv ben a good boy all yeer.
YeR FReND, BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling.
You're on your way to being a career lawncare specialist.
How 'bout I send you a freakin book
so you can learn to read and write?
I'm giving your older brother the space ranger,
at least HE can spell!
Santa
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year,
and the only thing I ask for is peace and
joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
Dear Santa,
I need more Pokemon cards please!
All my friends have more Pokemon cards than me.
Please see what you can do.
Love, Michelle
Dear Michelle,
It blows my freakin mind.
Kids are forcing their parents to buy
hundreds of dollars worth of these stupid cards,
and none of you snot-nosed brats are
even learning to play the game.
Let me get you something more your speed,
like "Chutes and Ladders." -
Santa
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes,
a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis
Dear Francis,
Who the hell names their kid "Francis" nowadays?
Santa
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping,
do you really know when we're awake,
like in the song?
Love, Jessica
Dear Jessica,
You are that gullible?
Good luck in whatever you do,
I'm skipping your house...
Santa
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house,
how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky
Mark,
Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky";
that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school.
Secondly, you don't live in a house,
that's a low-rent apartment complex you're living in.
Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do,
through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams!
Santa
|
|
 IP Logged |
Stay stressed. Never relax. Never sleep. Ever.
|
|
|
thomas
Guest
|
|
Re: When Santa runs out of Prozac
« Reply #1 on: Dec 10th, 2003, 2:18pm » |
Quote Modify
 Remove
|
OMG FUNNY. 
|
|
IP Logged |
|
|
|
violet
New Board Veteran
Gender: 
Posts: 123
|
|
Re: When Santa runs out of Prozac
« Reply #2 on: Dec 11th, 2003, 10:09am » |
Quote Modify
|
|
|
IP Logged |
|
|
|
ave
New Board Hall of Famer
She is beside herself; her favourite position
Gender:
Posts: 655
|
|
Re: When Santa runs out of Prozac
« Reply #3 on: Dec 20th, 2003, 8:33am » |
Quote Modify
|
|
|
IP Logged |
There is a break in reality. Do not adjust your mind.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Home
Help
Search
Members
Member Map
Login
Register
Reply
Notify of replies
Send Topic
Print
test rss