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Topic: Fore! (Read 214 times) |
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thomas
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Laws of Golf
Here they are in a nice, tidy package....
LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, you should have inner peace knowing that a shittier one is yet to come. (This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.)
LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. (Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball the greater its attraction to water. Expensive clubs have been known to be partly made with this most unusual natural alloy.)
LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree, is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut
down.
LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.
LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems him self as an instructor. (Funny how this law also applies to men who have had no sex, and advise on picking up women.)
LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire, humiliate golfers, the shorter the hole, the greater its desire. (Funny, how this law applies to women also.)
LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man. (Not!)
LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.
LAW 10: Sand is alive. It will swallow your balls.
LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point away from the clubhouse.
LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than any one in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted
murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.
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