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Topic: Movie Humor (Read 246 times) |
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Spindrift
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I wrote this a coupla years ago, thought some of you might enjoy it:
MOVIES I'D LIKE TO SEE --
by Spindrift
"Give it to me in a sentence" is how studio executives like to hear the plots of prospective blockbusters. And whether they care to admit it or not, most would happily combine just about any previously successful films in order to coax those hard earned Entertainment Dollars from the ticket-buying public. Call it the lightning bug in the bottle syndrome: if one bug is good, two must be better.
Therefore in the interest of serving both this small but influential profit-desperate clique as well as the rest of us poor bedraggled masses, I offer the following suggestions for surefire cinematic success. Free and for nothing.
1. GENTLEMEN PREFER BLONDES meets PREDATOR: (shipboard romance) Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russell spend an entire transatlantic crossing evading the hopeful glances and open palm of their cabin boy.
2. THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN meets BABETTE'S FEAST: (buffet sci-fi) And the portions keep getting smaller and smaller.
3. THE TURNING POINT meets SON OF FLUBBER: (teen fantasy) Fred MacMurray invents a revolutionary new kind of toe shoe.
4. SOME LIKE IT HOT meets THE THING: (potboiler) On a train to the North Pole, Phil Spitalny and his All-Girl Orchestra are terrorized by a creature capable of transforming itself at will from Jack Lemmon to Tony Curtis.
5. HEAVEN'S GATE meets KRAMER VS. KRAMER: (black comedy) Dustin Hoffman and Meryl Streep play married studio executives trying to foist the blame for wrecking United Artists on each other.
6. ARTHUR meets SPARTACUS: (historical farce) An army of wealthy former slaves and their butlers stage a drunken revel at the Plaza Hotel, overwhelming room service and incurring the wrath of the Night Manager (Jean Simmons).
7. BRINGING UP BABY meets THE THREE FACES OF EVE: (psychological comedy) All hell breaks loose when two of Joanne Woodward's personalities escape into a posh Connecticut neighborhood.
8. THE LAST ACTION HERO meets ISHTAR: why?
9. PSYCHO meets BACK TO THE FUTURE: (movie of the weak) Michael J. Fox travels back in time, buys a motel and, while taking a shower, kills his own mother, thus erasing himself from network TV and relegating Justine Bateman to modeling work at auto shows.
10. JAWS meets INNERSPACE: (surgical swashbuckler) Just when you thought it was safe to go back into Martin Short's lymph nodes.
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