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Topic: Rules for Houston (this is for Den) (Read 299 times) |
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Roxy
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Rules for Houston (this is for Den)
« on: Mar 18th, 2003, 9:12pm » |
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Subject: RULES YOU MUST KNOW BEFORE ENTERING HOUSTON
1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is "U-stun." To
pronounce it as "Hugh-stun," only labels you as a foreigner or new comer [which is
about the same thing to a native]!
2. Forget all traffic rules that you learned elsewhere. Houston has its
own version of traffic laws: Hold on and pray! And don't let the newscasts
mislead you-there is no such thing as a dangerous, high-speed chase in
Houston! We all drive like that. You have to in line in order to stay out
of "their" way.
3. All directions begin with, "Go down to Loop 610," which, by the way,
has no beginning and no end.
4. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00 A.M. The evening rush
hour is from 3:00 to 7:00 P.M. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
5. If you actually stop at a yellow traffic light, you will be
rear-ended,cussed out and/or possibly shot. When yours is the first car at a trafficlight when it turns green, do not proceed until you count to five-this
willhelp you avoid getting hit by all those who are running the
cross-traffic's red light.
6. Kuykendahl Road can be pronounced only by a native. Don't even go there.
7. Construction on I-10, I-45, US 59 and Loop 610 is a way of life and
a permanent form of entertainment. I've lived here since 1959 and I-45 has
been under construction ever since that time.
8. Every major road has two names (i.e., I-45 South is Gulf Freeway; US
59 is Southwest Freeway; I-10 West is Katy Freeway I-45 North is North
Freeway, US-59 North is Eastex Freeway). That is so newcomers won't be able to
determine where the wrecks and the slick, rainy roads are, even after
they hear the traffic and weather reports.
9. All unexplained sights and smells are accounted for by the phrase,
"Oh, we must be in Pasadena!"
10. If someone has their turn signal on, the car probably has a factory
defect. It could also mean that a service attendant was inspecting the
car an hour ago.
11. All old ladies with blue hair driving pink Cadillac's have total right-of-way!
12. The minimum acceptable speed on Loop 610 is 85. Anything less is
considered downright sissy. Beltway 8 has no limits; it's where the
professionals come to practice for NASCAR.
13. The wrought iron on the windows of homes in East Houston is not ornamental.
14. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that
says, "Keep honking, I'm reloading." In fact, don't honk or stare at anyone.
15. If you are in the left lane & going ONLY 70 in a 55 mph zone, those
people are not waving when they go by.
16. Redheads with cell phones have no turn signals or speedometers in
their cars.
17. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next week.
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Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. (Einstein)
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