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   Author  Topic: Truisms  (Read 226 times)
Margi
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Truisms
« on: Jan 31st, 2003, 11:16am »
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1. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach that person to  use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.  
 
 2. Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you  still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.  
 
 3. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and  I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."  
 
4. The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.  
 
5. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.  
 
6. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to  criticism.  
 
7. Have you noticed that a slight tax increase costs you two hundred  dollars, and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?  
 
8. How is it one careless ! match can start a forest fire, but it takes a  whole box to start a campfire?  
 
9. You read about all these terrorists - most of them came here legally,  but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15  years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster: you're two days late with a video  and those people are all over you!  Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.  
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And, on the Eighth Day...God created Beer (to stop the Canadians from taking over the world)
source unknown

IMHO (which in my universe is correct)
kathy copelin, ch.com 8/8/06
Margi
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Canada 
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Nuthin like a good neck rub!

   
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Gender: female
Posts: 3757
How to Terrorize Telemarketers
« Reply #1 on: Jan 31st, 2003, 11:17am »
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10. When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so glad you asked because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died."  
 
9. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.  
 
8. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of pause as she tries to figure out where the hell she could know you from.  
 
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends... would you be my friend?"  
 
6. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.  
 
5. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home arrest" and ask if they could bring you a case of beer and some chips.  
 
4. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.  
 
3. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!"  
 
2. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"  
 
 
 
And first and foremost:  
 
 
 
1. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.  
 
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And, on the Eighth Day...God created Beer (to stop the Canadians from taking over the world)
source unknown

IMHO (which in my universe is correct)
kathy copelin, ch.com 8/8/06
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