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Topic: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA (Read 260 times) |
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Elizabeth
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Bill came home from a business trip to Chicago and found no one home but his daughter Rose, who was crying bitterly.
"What's the matter, darling?" asked Bill.
"Mommy almost died last night," sobbed Rose.
"That's nonsense," said the father. "Why do you say that?"
"Well," said Rose, "you always told us that when we die we'll see God. So when I heard Mommy moaning last night I rushed to her bedroom and she was screaming, 'Oh God, here I come,' and she would have but Uncle Jerry held her down."
Lizzie was eagerly awaiting her blind date's arrival when the doorbell rang and rang. Daphne, Lizzie's roommate, peeked out the window at the date and let out a great shriek: "My God, you're in for it tonight, Lizzie, he's ringing the bell from the bottom of the stairs."
Two girls were comparing their experiences at the company's annual Christmas party.
"Did you get laid, Barb?"
"Twice."
"Only twice?"
"Yeah, once by the band and once by the shipping room crew."
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BarbaraG
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Gotta Love Me :-)
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Posts: 150
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Re: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
« Reply #1 on: May 24th, 2002, 6:41pm » |
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A young nun said to her Mother Superior: "I was out walking in the garden last night and the gardener took me, threw me to the ground and, well, you know..... Can you give me penance?"
Go and eat ten lemons," said the Mother Superior. "But that won't cleanse my sins away."
"I know, but it will wipe that contented grin off your face."   ;D 
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Elizabeth
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Re: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
« Reply #2 on: May 24th, 2002, 6:57pm » |
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One evening after attending the theater, two gentlemen were walking down the street when they observed a well-dressed, attractive young lady walking just ahead of them. One man turned to the other and said, "I'd give fifty bucks to spend the night with that woman." To their surprise, the woman turned and said, "I'll take you up on that." She had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice, so after bidding his friend goodnight, the man accompanied the lady to her apartment where they immediately went to bed.
The following morning the man presented her with twenty-five dollars as he prepared to leave. She demanded the rest of the money, stating, "If you don't give me the other twenty-five I'll sue you for it." He laughed, saying, "I'd like to see you get it on these grounds."
The next day he was surprised when served with a summons ordering his presence in court as defendant. He hurried to his lawyer and explained the details of the case. His lawyer said, "She can't possibly get a judgment against you on such grounds, but it will be interesting to see how her case will be presented."
After the usual preliminaries, the lady's lawyer addressed the court as follows:
"Your Honor, my cliens is the owner of a piece of property, a garden spot surrounded by a profuse growth of shrubbery, which property she agreed to rent to the defendant for a specified length of time for the sum of fifty dollars. The defendant took possession of the property, used it extensively for the purpose for which it was rented, but upon evacuating the premises he paid only twenty-five dollars. The rent is not excessive since it was restricted property, and we ask judgment to be granted against the defendant to assure payment of the balance."
The defendant's lawyer was impressed and amused at the way the case had been presented. His defense was therefore somewhat altered from what he had planned. "Your Honor, my client agrees the young lady has a fine piece of property, for a degree of pleasure was derived from the transaction. However, my client found a well on the property, around which he placed his own stones, sunk a shaft and erected a pump, all labor being personally performed by him. We claim these improvements to the property are sufficient to offset the unpaid balance, and that the plaintiff was adequately compensated for the rental of the said property. We therefore ask that the judgment not be granted."
The young lady's lawyer's comeback was this: "Your Honor, my client agrees that the defendant did find a well on the property, and he did make improvements such as described by my opponent; however, had the defendant not known the well existed, he would never have rented the property; also, on evacuating the premises, the defendant moved the stones, pulled out the shaft and took the pump with him. In so doing he not only dragged his equipment through the shrubbery, but left the hole much larger than it was prior to his occupancy, making it easily accessible to little children. We therefore ask judgment be granted."
(She won)
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| « Last Edit: May 24th, 2002, 7:00pm by Elizabeth » |
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