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Topic: True, true, and true! (Read 235 times) |
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SusanM
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True, true, and true!
« on: May 9th, 2002, 4:13am » |
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Subject: Things We've Learned From Children
For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas. THINGS I'VE
LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN... (HONEST AND NO KIDDING)
1. A king size water bed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot
house..
........ 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough
to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It
is
strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all
four
walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When
using
the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times
before you
get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double panes) doesn't stop a baseball hit
by a
ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke-and lots of it.
9. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying
glass can start fire even on an overcast day.
10. Certain LEGO's will pass through the digestive tract of a
four-year-old.
11. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't
walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O
15. VCR's do not eject peanut butter and jelly sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not
like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5 minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms
dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. The mind of a six-year-old is wonderful. First Grade... true story....
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little
Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read,
"...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and
said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'
" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that
man said?"
One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said 'Holy shit...a talking pig!' "
The teacher was unable to teach for the next ten minutes.
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