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Topic: MD stories (Read 278 times) |
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Charlie
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A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby
> in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the
> lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed
> that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
>
> At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
> slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
> instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.
>
> One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that
> her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than
> fiveminutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family
> that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
>
> I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity
> test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began,
> "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line
> perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I
> requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on
> the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what
> I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was
> laughing too hard to finish the exam.
>
> During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
> cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble
> with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The
> nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running
> out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered
> what I hoped I wouldn't see... Yes, the man had over fifty patches on
> his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch
> before applying a new one.
>
> While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How
> long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she
> answered... "Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was
> alive."
>
> I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your
> breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky
> Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied.
> I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet
> labeled "KY Jelly."
>
> A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with
> purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of
> tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly
> determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
> scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on
> the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been
> dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the
> grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a note on
> the patient's dressing, which said "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Charlie
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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AlienSpaceGuy
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Greetings from outer space
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Another medical story
« Reply #1 on: Apr 23rd, 2002, 1:05pm » |
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When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea.
No sooner were the papers delivered when her sister in law phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea."
Replied the widow: "I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died of diarrhea. But I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit he always was."
 ASG
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AlienSpaceGuy believes only in scientifically sound methods and hates snake oil vendors.
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