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Topic: Fishing, golfing, guy stuff (Read 243 times) |
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AlienSpaceBabe
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Two men fishing on Sunday morning were feeling prety guilty, especially since the fish didn't bite. One said to the other, "I ugess I should have stayed home and gone to church."
To which the other angler replied lazily, "I couldn't have gone to church anyway. My wife's sick in bed."
 ;D   ;D
Once upon a time there was a fisherman who had two sons named Toward and Away. Every day he would go fishing and return late at night, always talking about the giant fish he had almost caught. One day he took Toward and Away fishing with him.
That night he returned home more excited than ever.
"Sally," he yelled to his wife, "you should have seen the fish I saw today! A tremendous gray fish, ten feet long with horns and fur all over its back. It had legs like a caterpillar. It came crawling out of the water, snatched our son Toward, and swallowed him in one gulp!"
"Good gracious!" exclaimed his wife. "That's horrible!"
"Oh, that was nothing," said her husband. "You should have seen the one that got Away!"
;D ;D
The world would be a better place if all men showed as much patience as they do when they're waiting for a fish to bite!
;D ;D
Red: Did you mark that place where the fishing was good?
Ted: Yes, I put an X on the side of the boat.
Red: That was stupid. What if we should take out another boat next time?
;D ;D
"I caught a 250-pound marlin the other day!"
"That's nothing. I was fishing and hooked a lamp from an old Spanish ship. In fact, the light was still lit!"
"If you will blow out the light, I'll take 200 pounds off the marlin!"
;D ;D
There were three men in a boat halfway across a lake. The first man suddenly said, "I forgot my lunch," got out of the boat, and walked to shore on top of the water.
Later, the second man said, "I forgot my fishing tackle," and also walked across the water to shore.
By this time, the third man thought to himself, "They're not going to outsmart me. I forgot my bait can," and he started to walk across the water, but sank.
The first man said to the second man, "Maybe we should have told him where the rocks were."
;D ;D
A sportsman went to a hunting lodge and bagged a record number of birds, aided by a dog named Salesman. Next year he returned and asked for Salesman again. "The hound ain't no durn good now," the handler said.
"What happened!" cried the sportsman. "Was he injured?"
"No. Some fool came down here and called him 'Sales Manager' all week instead of Salesman. Now all he does is sit on his tail and bark."
;D ;D
Golfer: Why do you keep looking at your watch?
Caddy: This isn't a watch, sir. It's a compass.
;D ;D
Golfer: "The doctor says I can't play golf."
Caddy: "Ah, he's played with you, too, sir?"
;D ;D
"Caddy, why didn't you see where that ball went?"
"Well, it doesn't usually go anywhere, sir. You caught me off guard."
;D ;D
Man to friend: After three sets of clubs and ten years of lessons, I'm finally getting some fun out of golf. I quit.
;D ;D
First golfer: What's your golf score?
Second golfer: Well, not so good. It's 72.
First golfer: That's not so bad. In fact, it's really good.
Second golfer: Thanks! Well, I'm hoping I do better on the second hole.
;D ;D
Why did the big-game hunter give up hunting for elephants?
He got tired of carrying around the decoys.
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AlienSpaceGuy
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Greetings from outer space
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Posts: 113
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Another Fishy Story
« Reply #1 on: Apr 13th, 2002, 2:00pm » |
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A cold winter fishing trip...
It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite. He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not next to him.
The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass.
The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck.
But, shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch.
The young boy kept catching fish after fish. Finally, the old man couldn't take it any longer.
"Son, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You've been here only a few minutes
and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?"
The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm."
"What was that?" the old man asked.
Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm."
"Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you're saying."
The boy spit the bait into his hand and said...
"You have to keep the worms warm!"
;D  ;D ;D ;D  ;D ;D ;D ;D
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AlienSpaceGuy believes only in scientifically sound methods and hates snake oil vendors.
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