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Topic: Seriously rude! You've been warned (Read 434 times) |
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AlienSpaceBabe
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Seriously rude! You've been warned
« on: Mar 31st, 2002, 8:14pm » |
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Wiley and Charlie had been camping together for a week when they finally had enough of each other, so Wiley had an idea for the two to wake up early the next day and hike in opposite directions for the day and meet at the campground for dinner. Charlie agreed.
So around 6 the next evening they meet up. Charlie says "I hiked north and came up to a beautiful spring, I swam for a few hours, then stretched out on the shore to dry and I watched a deer drink from the spring... it was so wonderful."
Wiley said "Wow, you had a good day. I went south and ran into some railroad tracks, I followed them east until I came across a woman tied to the tracks, I untied her and we had sex in every imaginable way all day."
Charlie was so jealous. "Your day was so much better than mine... did you get a blow job?"
"Nope," Wiley replied, "I couldn't find her head!"
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| « Last Edit: Mar 31st, 2002, 8:16pm by AlienSpaceBabe » |
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AlienSpaceBabe
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Re: Seriously rude! You've been warned
« Reply #1 on: Mar 31st, 2002, 8:25pm » |
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A truck driver had been driving all day and hadn't stopped for lunch or anything and was getting REAL hungry. Seeing this diner, he pulls in, walks up to the counter and sits down by this old biker who was staring at a steaming bowl of chili.
The waitress arrives and asks the trucker what he'll have; looking at the biker's steaming bowl of chili, he says, "Lady, I am starving to death, here, that chili looks good, I'll have that."
The waitress goes off and comes back with the trucker's steamy bowl of chili which he promptly gulps down. Not satisfied yet, he looks over at the biker who is still staring at his chili. The trucker, still ravenous, says, "Hey, I'm still kind of hungry, if you're not gonna eat that, may I?" The biker nods and slides the bowl of chili toward the trucker.
The trucker takes his time with this bowl. He gets about half way down and there's this big greasy dog turd in the bowl. The trucker proceeds to barf everything back into the bowl, at which point the biker says, "Yep, that's as far as I got, too!"
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AlienSpaceBabe
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Much much worse.....You've been warned
« Reply #2 on: Apr 2nd, 2002, 4:55pm » |
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A blonde goes to see her doctor because of serious abrasions on her knees.
"Do you know what caused these injuries?" the doctor asks.
"Well," she replies, "I've been having sex doggie style."
"Oh, that's no problem," the doctor says. "Just roll over and do it missionary style for a while."
"Oh, but that is a problem," the blonde says. "Every time I try it that way, my dog's breath makes me puke!"
   
Tom goes to see his eye doctor, who tells him, "You've got to stop masturbating."
"Why? Am I going blind?" the guy asks.
"No," says the eye doctor, "but you're upsetting the other patients in the waiting room."
How many perverts does it take to put in a lightbulb?
Just one, but it takes the entire emergency department to get it out.
A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road in (insert state of choice here) in her new sports car when something goes wrong withthe car and it breaks down.
Luckily, she happens to be near a house. She goes up to it and knocks. When a lady answers the door, she says to her, "Oh, it's Sunday night and my car broke down! I don't know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until I can get some help tomorrow?"
"Well," drawls the lady, "you can stay here, but I don't want you messin' with my sons Bill and Roger."
She looks through the screen door and sees two very young men standing behind the lady. She judges them to be in their late teens. "Okay," she says.
After everyone has gone to bed for the night, the woman begins to think about the two boys in the room next to hers. So she quietly goes into their room and says, "Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?"
"Sure," they say.
"The only thing is," she says, "I don't want to get pregnant so you have to wear these condoms."
She puts them on the boys and the three of them go at it all night long.
Five years later, Bill and Roger are sitting on the front porch, rocking back and forth. Bill says, "Roger?"
Roger says, "Yeah, Bill?"
"You 'member that blonde woman that came by here about five years ago and showed us the ways of the world?"
"Yeah," says Roger, "I 'member."
"Well, do you care if she gets pregnant?" asks Bill.
"Nope," says Roger, "I reckon not."
"Me neither," says Bill. "Let's take these things off."
you were warned.....
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gladiola
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Pi R Square. Noo! Pi R Round. Cornbread R Square.
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And one to grow on :)
« Reply #3 on: Apr 3rd, 2002, 6:48pm » |
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Ooooh, Alien, you are GOOOODDD!!!
Here's one that goes with that doggy thing 
Peace
G.
Bad Dog
There are three Labrador retrievers sitting in the waiting room at the vet's office. A black lab, a brown lab and a yellow lab.
The black lab turns to the brown lab and says, "Why are you here?"
The brown lab says, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything. I pissed on my owners sofa, their carpets, their drapes, but the last straw was when I pissed in the middle of their bed."
The black lab says, "What is the vet going to do to you?"
And the brown lab says, sadly, "Lethal injection."
Then the brown lab asks the black, "Why are you here?"
The black lab says, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, I dig up the flowers, the bushes. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets but the last straw was when I dug a big hole in my owner's sofa."
The brown lab says, "What's the vet going to do to you?"
And the black lab says sadly, "Lethal injection."
Then the black and brown labs turn to the yellow lab and ask, "Why are you here?"
The yellow lab says, "I'm a humper. I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, the dining room table, a fire hydrant. Whatever I see, I want to hump. Why, last week, my owner had taken a shower and was drying her toes and I couldn't help it, I just hopped on her back and humped her."
The black lab says, "So you're here for a lethal injection, too?"
"No, I'm getting my nails clipped."
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AlienSpaceBabe
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Re: Seriously rude! You've been warned
« Reply #4 on: Apr 3rd, 2002, 7:02pm » |
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A (insert state or nationality of choice here) guy is arrested for walking around Grand Central Station stark naked.
"I know you're not going to believe this," the (repeat state or nationality) says to the cop, "but I just got into town. I went up to this sleeperhouse with five of my friends. The madam tells the hookers to undress and stand against the wall. Then she told me and my friends to get undressed and stand against the other wall."
"Then what happened?" the cop wants to know.
"Well," the (insert again) says, "the madam told me and my friends to go to town. I'm the first one here."
;D ;D
Liz was despondent over not having sex in months and months. In hopes of finding a solution to her problem, she decided to see a doctor.
Going through the Yellow Pages, she came upon a Chinese sex therapist -- Dr. Ching. When Liz arrived for her appointment, she told the doctor her symptoms.
Dr. Ching tells her, "Take off all your clothes and you crawl real fast away from me across the floor."
The woman finds this request a little odd, but does it anyway, stripping naked and crawling from one side of the room to the other.
The doctor shakes his head and tells her, "You have a real bad case of Zachary Disease -- Worst I ever see. That's why you have sex problem."
"What exactly is Zachary Disease?" Liz wants to know.
The doctor replies, "Zachary Disease -- when your face look zachary like your ass."
;D ;D
A trucker drives his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill. He's just starting down the hill when he sees a man and woman in the middle of the road fucking their brains out. He slams on his brakes and comes to s screeching halt only inches away from the naked couple.
The trucker jumps out and screams at the, "Are you crazy? Didn't you hear me blowing the horn? I coulda killed you."
The man replies, "Look. I was coming, she was coming, you were coming -- but you were the only one with brakes."
;D ;D
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