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Topic: More Blondes (Read 404 times) |
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AlienSpaceGuy
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Greetings from outer space
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More Blondes
« on: Mar 20th, 2002, 4:31pm » |
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A Blonde and her 2 horses...
A blonde buys and names two horses, but can never remember which is which.
A neighbor suggests that she cut off a bit of the tail of one horse, which worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. The second horse's tail tore in the same place and looked exactly like the other horse's tail.
Our blonde friend was stuck again.
The neighbor then suggested that she notch the ear of one horse, which worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence.
Once again, the blonde couldn't tell the two horses apart.
The neighbor then suggested that she measure the horses for height. When she did that, the blonde was very pleased to find that...
the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black one!
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Serving Jury Duty...
A blonde receives a letter to serve for jury duty.
She talks to anyone in power explaining how she just cannont do it.
They all tell her she will have to explain her reasons to the Judge.
When her turn to address the Judge arises, this conversation follows:
Judge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case?
Juror: I just CAN'T possibly be away from my job that long your Honor!
Judge: Can't they do without you at work?
Juror: Yes, but I don't want them to know it.
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Some blonde shorties
Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
A: Finger on chin - I don't know. Hits forehead - Oh I get it!
Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.
Q: What did the blonde say when the doctor told her that she was pregnant?
A: "Are you sure it's mine?"
Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading
Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: "I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N.... ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
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Vanity
A blonde was really vain, and always talking about herself. Her hubby was geting pretty sick of it.
As she was talking to her friends one day, she commented "People say I have the figure of a 24 year old." Which her husband overheard and yelled... "well you better give it back to her, your getting it all wrinkled!"
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AlienSpaceGuy believes only in scientifically sound methods and hates snake oil vendors.
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AlienSpaceBabe
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A True Story
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, a blonde, new to boating was having a problem. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get her brand new 22-ft Bay liner to perform. It wouldn't plane at high speed at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power she applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putted over to a nearby marina. Maybe they could tell her what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, and the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath the boat. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.
         
One day there is a blonde in a row boat in the middle of a wheat field.
Later another blonde drives by and pulls over.
She gets out of her car and says, " It's people like you that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and kick your butt."
There were 3 women, a brunette, redhead and a blonde. They all work together. Everyday they notice that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that when the boss left, they would leave early, too.
The boss left and so did they. The brunette went home and relaxed watching some TV.
The redhead went home for a quick work out before her date.
The blonde went home and walked into the bedroom. She opens the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left.
The next day the redhead and brunette are talking about leaving early again.
They ask the blonde if she want to leave early again.
"NO", she says, "yesterday, I nearly got caught."
Q: What do you call ten blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.
Q: In 6th grade there is a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, Which has the best figure?
A: The blonde she's 18.
Q: What do you call the skeleton of a blonde girl in a closet?
A: The world record hide and seek champion!!!!
Once upon a time, there was a blonde driving down the highway. In the distance, she sees a brunette doing jumping jacks in the middle of the road, so she decides to pull over. The brunette is jumping up and down clapping her hands over her head, and shouting, "Twenty one! Twenty one! Twenty one!" So, seeing how this looks like fun, the blonde gets behind her, and starts doing jumping jacks, and shouts, "Twenty one! Twenty one! Twenty one!" This goes on for about an hour, and the brunette starts getting tired, so she goes and sits down. But the blonde is having the most fun she has ever had in her life just doing jumping jacks in the middle of the highway shouting twenty one. Along comes a truck and splat! there goes the blonde. Well the brunette gets up and goes back into the road and starts doing jumping jacks and shouts, "twenty two! twenty two
(all jokes from www.jokecompany.com)
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AlienSpaceBabe
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Blondes in Action:
She spent twenty minutes looking' at an orange juice box because it said concentrate.
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make-up her mind.
She told me to meet her at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk".
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She thinks socialism means partying.
She tripped over a cordless phone.
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
At the bottom of the application where it says, "Sign Here" she put Sagittarius.
She invented a solar powered flashlight.
When she saw the "NC-17" (Under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home to get 16 friends.
When she heard 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
When she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said, "Airport left"; she turned around and went home.
;D ;D
And now my personal favorite:
One cold winter morning, during the Christmas season, a mailman was doing his route. As he was delivering all the Christmas cards, he came to a house and realized that they had so much mail that it wouldn't fit in the box, so he decided to knock on the door. As the door was answered, a beautiful blond woman stood staring at him. The mailman said "I'm sorry for bothering you, but I couldn't get all your mail into your box, so here it is."
The woman looked at him and said, "Why don't you come in and take a break - it's cold outside!" The mailman agreed an stepped into the house.
A few minutes later, the woman says, "I have an idea. Let's go upstairs and make love!" The woman was quite beautiful, so the mailman followed her.
After a while, the two came back down the stairs. The mailman said, "Wow, that was great but I must be getting back to my route."
The lady replied, "Oh, don't go yet, let's have some breakfast!" She then opened the door to the dining room and the table was covered with food. After the meal, the mailman said, "Okay, I've really got to go!"
The woman replied, "Well, thank you," and handed him a one dollar bill.
The mailman was confused. "What's going on here? You invite me in, make love to me, cook me a great breakfast, then hand me a dollar!"
The woman replied, "Well, I asked my husband the other day what he thought we should give the mailman for Christmas. He said,'Oh, screw him! Give 'em a dollar!' But breakfast was my idea!"
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| « Last Edit: Mar 20th, 2002, 9:31pm by AlienSpaceBabe » |
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AlienSpaceBabe
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Why didn't the blonde like her vibrator?
It kept breaking her teeth.
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