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Topic: Doctors (Read 328 times) |
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AlienSpaceGuy
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Greetings from outer space
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Posts: 113
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Interview
Three doctors died and went to the Pearly Gates to be interviewed to see where they would end up. St. Peter asked the first one what he did on earth, and he said he was an obstetrician. St. Peter asked what an obstetrician did and the doc told him. "Sounds pretty good; okay you can go in to Heaven."
The second doc said he was a pediatrician and had to explain what that involved. St. Peter said, "Sounds very useful, very good--you can go in too."
The third doc said he was the chief man in charge of a whole HMO conglomerate.
"Well, what's that?" asked St. Peter. So the doc told him exactly what that involved. "Sounds very important, very useful. You can go in too."
So the third doc goes in the Gates and starts to walk up the stairs. St. Peter turns and calls after him, "Oh, by the way, you can only stay three days."
Things you don't want to hear during surgery:
Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop.
"Accept this sacrifice, Oh Great Lord of Darkness"
Spot! Spot! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
Hand me that...uh...that...uh.....thingie.
Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
Damn, there go the lights again...
"Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of 'em."
Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off.
What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change...!
Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donor card?
Don't worry; I think it's sharp enough.
What do you mean "You want a divorce"!
She's gonna blow! Everyone take cover!!!
FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out of here!
Toughtful hospital staff
A politician awoke in a hospital bed after a complicated operation, and found that the curtains were drawn around him.
"Why are the curtains closed," he said. "Is it night?"
A nurse replied, "No, it is just that there is a fire across the street, and we didn't want you waking up and thinking that the operation was unsuccessful."
At the doctor's office
An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old crone, entered the doctor's office.
"We have come for an examination" said the young girl.
"Alright," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off."
"No, not me" said the girl. "it's my old aunt here."
"Very well," said the doctor. "Madam, please stick out your tongue."
Naming problems
Two doctors opened offices in a small town and put up a sign reading:
"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology".
The town's fathers were not too happy with that sign, so they changed it to:
"Hysterias and Posteriors".
This was not acceptable either, so they changed the sign to:
"Schizoids and Hemorrhoids".
No go, so they tried...
"Catatonics and High Colonics".
Thumbs down again, so they tried...
"Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives."
STILL not good, so they tried...
"Minds and Behinds".
Unacceptable again, so they tried...
"Lost Souls and - - - -holes".
Still no go. Nor did these...
"Analysis and Anal Cysts",
"Queers and Rears",
"Nuts and Butts",
"Freaks and Cheeks" or
"Loons and Moons" work either.
They finally settled on...
"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends"!
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AlienSpaceGuy believes only in scientifically sound methods and hates snake oil vendors.
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Ueli
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I have a doctor joke too:
When a doctor came home late one evening, he heard some noise coming from the cellar. When he opened the door to the cellar, he saw that apparently a water pipe had burst, the floor was covered with six inches of water already.
But the plumber he call refused to come around at midnight to look at the damage. However, the doctor insisted and said: "If we are called to an emergency we come at any time of the day or night, and this burst pipe in my cellar is an emergency too!"
So the plumber reluctantly agreed to have a look. He opened the door to the cellar and had a short glance at the water which was already one foot deep. He fumbled in his tool bag and took out two gasket rings, which he threw into the water, saying: "If this doesn't help, call me in the morning."
(BTW, AlienSpaceGuy do you have any relations to AlienSpaceBabe?)
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BarbaraG
New Board Veteran
Gotta Love Me :-)
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Posts: 150
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Re: Doctors
« Reply #2 on: Mar 17th, 2002, 10:39am » |
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Ueli, We may have an alienspace love affair going on here. Send in the X-Files guy. ;D Barbara
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