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Topic: Some funnies I think you will enjoy! (Read 356 times) |
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GlendaB
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Some funnies I think you will enjoy!
« on: Mar 12th, 2002, 6:44pm » |
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Blonde Mothers
Q : Why do blonde mothers only change their baby's diapers once a month?
A : Because it says right on the box of diapers, "Good for up to 20 pounds!"
River Side
There's two blondes. One on each side of a river.
The first blonde yells to the second blonde, "Hey, how do I get to the other side?"
The second blonde replies, "You dumb bitch, you're already on the other side!!"
Blonde Painter
This blond tries to impress her husband by painting the house. Later that day, her husband comes home and see's his wife painting the house with 2 coats on and he asks her why she is wearing the 2 coats.
The wife replies, "The can said to put on 2 coats!"
DirtyBirds
There was a lady who had these two parrots, and all these parrots could say was,
"Hey there, we're prostitutes, wanna have a good time?"
She was very disturbed by this, so she decided to go see her priest, for maybe he could give her some advice on her terrible situation.
She goes into her church and tells the priest of her problem, "Father, I have a serious problem, and I need your advice."
"Absolutely, my dear, you know I am always here to help any of Gods' children," the priest said.
The lady replied, "Well father, the problem is that every time my two parrots open their beaks, all they know how to say is, "Hey there, we're prostitutes, wanna have a good time?" she continued, "And I have no idea where they learned it from."
"Well that's just horrible," the priest replied, "I may have the perfect solution, I myself have two parrots of my own. Perhaps if you bring your two parrots over, Francis and Job may teach your parrots how to read scriptures from the Bible and praise the Lord, instead of saying those unholy things."
The lady, with a look of new hope, replied, "That just sounds terrific! I'll bring them over first thing in the morning!"
The next day, she quickly made her way through town to get her parrots over to the priest's house. When she finally got there, the priest opened the door for her, let her in, took her parrots and put them in the cage with Francis and Job. A few minutes past and nothing happened. Finally, both of the female parrots turned to Francis and Jobe and said in unison,
"Hey there, we're prostitutes, wanna have a good time?"
Then one of the male parrots turned to the other male parrot and said,
"O.K., put the damn Bible down Francis, our prayers have been answered!"
Dog biscuit
A blind man was standing on the corner with his dog when the dog raised his leg and wet on the man's trouser leg. The man reached in his pocket and took out a doggie biscuit. A busybody who had been watching ran up to him and said, "You shouldn't do that. He'll never learn anything if you reward him when he does something like that!". The blind man retorted, "I'm not rewarding him. I'm just trying to find his mouth so that I can kick him in the ass!"
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Pain-free days and nights to all!
With Lots of Love,
Glenda
"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye."
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GlendaB
New Board Junior
Love you guys!
Gender:
Posts: 72
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Re: Some funnies I think you will enjoy!
« Reply #1 on: Mar 12th, 2002, 7:17pm » |
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Hungry Monkey
A guy walks into a bar carrying a small monkey. As he sits down, the monkey jumps off his shoulder and starts running around, eating everything in sight. He eats the bar peanuts, he gobbles the fruit garnish, he chows down the pretzels, everything. Finally, he jumps onto the pool table and swallows a cue ball whole.
The bartender is a little more than pissed, and complains to the monkey's owner,
"Did you see what that little bugger just did?"
The man answers, "Yeah, he's a right little shit, he is, eating everything in sight like he does. I can't control him, but don't worry, I'll pay for everything he's eaten."
The man settles up with the bartender, grabs the monkey and leaves. Two weeks later, the man returns to the bar, still carrying the monkey. This time the monkey jumps to the bar, grabs a maraschino cherry, stuffs it up his ass, pulls it out and finally eats it.
The bartender is quite shocked. "That's disgusting. Did you see what your monkey did this time?" he asks.
The man answers, "Yeah, he still eats everything in sight, all right. But ever since he ate that cue ball, he measures it first!"
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Pain-free days and nights to all!
With Lots of Love,
Glenda
"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye."
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AlienSpaceBabe
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Iz GlendaB the good witch or the bad which? We love the wizart of oz.
Melody in F: the prodigal son
Feeling foorloose and frisky, a feather-brained fellow
Forced his fon father to fork over the farthings,
And flew far to foreign fields
And fabulously frittered his fortune with faithless friends.
Fleeced by his fellows in folly, and facing famine,
He found himself a feed-flinger in a filthy farmyard.
Fairly famishing, he fain would've filled his frame
With foraged food from fodder fragments.
"Fooey, my father's flunkies fare far finer,"
The frazzled fugitive forlornly fumbled, frankly facing facts.
Frustrated by failure, and filled with foreboding,
He fled forthwith to his family.
Falling at his father's feet, he forlornly fumbled, "Father, I've flunked,
And fruitlessly forfeited family fellowship favor."
The far-sighted father, forestalling further flinching,
Frantically flagged the flunkies.
"Fetch a fatling from the flock and fix a feast."
The fugitive's fault-finding brother frowned
On fickle forgiveness of former folderol.
But the faithful father figured,
"Filial fidelity is fine, but the fugitive is found!
What forbids fervent festivity?
Let flags be unfurled! let fanfares flare!"
Father's forgiveness formed the foundation
For the former fugitive's future fortitude!
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