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Topic: sick humor, but still funny (Read 958 times) |
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BobG
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sick humor, but still funny
« on: Feb 22nd, 2002, 10:19pm » |
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Subject: Sick but funny
Mr. Jones gets a call from the hospital.
They tell him his wife's been in a terrible car accident. He rushes to the hospital, runs in to the ER and says his wife's been in an accident.
They tell him Dr. Smith is handling the case. They page the doctor. He comes out to the waiting room to see a terribly upset Mr. Jones.
"Mr. Jones?" the doctor asks.
"Yes sir, what's happened? How is my wife?"
The doctor sits next to him and says, "Not good news. Your wife's accident resulted in two fractures of her spine."
"Oh my God" says Mr. Jones, "what will be her prognosis?"
"Well, Mr. Jones, her vital signs are stable. However, her spine is inoperable. She'll have no motor skills or capability. This means you will have to feed her."
Mr. Jones begins to sob. "And you'll have to turn her in her bed every two hours to prevent pneumonia."
Mr. Jones begins to wail and cry loudly.
"Then, of course," the doctor continued, "you'll have to diaper her as she'll have no control over her bladder and of course these diapers must be changed at least five times a day."
Mr. Jones begins to shake as he cries, sobs, wails.
The doctor continues: " And you'll have to clean up her feces on a regular basis as she'll have no control over her sphincters. Her bowel will engorge whenever and quite often I'm afraid. Of course you must clean her immediately to avoid accumulation of the putrid effluent she'll be emitting regularly."
Now Mr. Jones is convulsing sobbing uncontrollably and beginning to wither off the bench into a sobbing pitiful mass.
Just then Dr. Smith reaches out his hand and pats Mr. Jones on the shoulder. "Hey, I'm just fucking with you, she's dead."
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Charlie
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Re: sick humor, but still funny
« Reply #1 on: Feb 22nd, 2002, 10:56pm » |
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Bob, you should be ashamed.......
Fucking funny........ 
Chaz
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Wiley
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Re: sick humor, but still funny
« Reply #2 on: Feb 23rd, 2002, 1:02am » |
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Now, THAT was disgusting, Bob. Just disgusting, and I'm totally ashamed to have even read it.
Got any more like that?
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Elizabeth
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Re: sick humor, but still funny
« Reply #3 on: Feb 23rd, 2002, 12:00pm » |
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Subject: Sick but funny
Mrs. Jones gets a call from the hospital.
They tell her her husband's been in a terrible car accident. She rushes to the hospital, runs in to the ER and says her husband's been in an accident.
They tell her Dr. Smith is handling the case. They page the doctor. She comes out to the waiting room to see a terribly upset Mrs. Jones.
"Mrs. Jones?" the doctor asks.
"Yes ma'am, what's happened? How is my husband?"
The doctor sits next to her and says, "Not good news. Your husband's accident resulted in two fractures of his spine."
"Oh my God" says Mrs. Jones, "what will be his prognosis?"
"Well, Mrs. Jones, his vital signs are stable. However, his spine is inoperable. He'll have no motor skills or capability. This means you will have to feed him."
Mrs. Jones begins to sob. "And you'll have to turn him in her bed every two hours to prevent pneumonia."
Mrs. Jones begins to wail and cry loudly.
"Then, of course," the doctor continued, "you may decide you'll have to diaper him as he'll have no control over his bladder and of course these diapers must be changed at least five times a day."
Mrs. Jones begins to shake as she cries, sobs, wails.
The doctor continues: " And you'll have to clean up his feces on a regular basis as he'll have no control over his sphincters. His bowel will engorge whenever and quite often I'm afraid. Of course you must clean him immediately to avoid accumulation of the putrid effluent he'll be emitting regularly."
Now Mrs. Jones is convulsing sobbing uncontrollably and beginning to wither off the bench into a sobbing pitiful mass.
Pulling herself together (as all women do during a crisis), Mrs. Jones assesses the situation. "So, Dr. Smith, you're saying that my husband can't feed himself...I'll have to roll him over in bed...he'll need a diaper to contain his poop and pee.... and there will be disgusting smells coming from his body? Damn it! I thought things would be different!"
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BobG
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Re: sick humor, but still funny
« Reply #4 on: Feb 23rd, 2002, 7:17pm » |
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Touche' Elizabeth! LMAO
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tired
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Re: sick humor, but still funny
« Reply #5 on: Feb 26th, 2002, 12:22pm » |
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Bob that was great, just what I needed, to laugh!!!!!
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