Author |
Topic: I need some input here.... (Read 402 times) |
|
Redd
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Gender: 
Posts: 6661
|
 |
I need some input here....
« on: Aug 21st, 2004, 9:41am » |
 Quote  Modify
|
I'm not sure how to put this, so please be patient with me.
When I went into cycle this spring, and after I was finally properly diagnosed, and the ex husband found out from the kids what I had, he admitted to me that he too had been diagnosed with CH a couple years back. So... he was supposedly diagnosed in the ER, no tests run, and he states that his cycles are two to four weeks long, every two years or so, and he's plagued with one...yes I said 1...HA a day.
Now that I've been trying to educate our children on this condition having them read everything that is appropriate for them to understand...the ex is now trying to fill their heads with a bunch of crap. He's attempting to convince them, as he tried to tell me years back when I would get these attacks that I'm a whimp, after each and every ER and doctors office visit he would have to take me to. He's a man and can handle more pain than I as a woman can, because he's never missed a day of work due to his one HA a day. (because I was off work for three months) That he's got it "far worse" than I do I have to over reacting...yadda yadda. He admits that he can prevent his attacks by taking a couple excedrine migraine OTC.
Kids and I were talking about it last night, because they are pretty tired of way their father, after ten years post divorce still finds the need to berate me on any level he can find. They have seen me get slammed with the beast back to back, taking shots of trex, going from ice packs to hot showers, to ice again back to the shower, rocking and moaning in my room because they just open the door to see if I'm going to be ok.
How do I protect them from his constant beratement? He's so ill informed, and self absorbed to even what to see that if he indeed has CH that there are folks out here that have it way worse than he does and to stop his constant need to try to garner the kids sympathy. They have really had it with him.
I'm just at a loss here. Please any input would be appreciated.
|
|
 IP Logged |
I saw an act of faith today. A man was on his knees, not in a pew in a Church, but in a garden planting seeds. ~~Unknown
|
|
|
karma
New Board Hall of Famer
I love YaBB 1G - SP1!
Gender: 
Posts: 857
|
|
Re: I need some input here....
« Reply #1 on: Aug 21st, 2004, 9:52am » |
Quote Modify
|
Hi REdd
Sounds like his CH is Constant Hnot a very nice person.
Don't ask your kids to take sides. Explain to them that it doesn't really matter what your ex says about your pain.
Its your pain. it husrt like hell and you deal with it the best way you know how. Tell them that you love them and give them a big hug.
I'v e got kids to and thev'e seen me at my best and worst and they still love me.
|
|
IP Logged |
|
|
|
no-one
New Board Hall of Famer
aude sapere cogito ergo disce pati
  
Gender:
Posts: 508
|
|
Re: I need some input here....
« Reply #2 on: Aug 21st, 2004, 9:56am » |
Quote Modify
|
{{{ Redd }}}
I really don't have any advice for you on how to handle the butt head, I wish I did.
The kids are old enought to reach there own option of him now. You are doing what I think is the best idea, educate them on CH. They will know who is telling the truth.
Don't fall into the same trap that he is in and talk bad about him, be strong. And they will be proud of you as I am.
Hugs
Bec
|
|
IP Logged |
"Be who you are and say what you feel...Because those that matter....don't mind....And those that mind....don't matter."
Man is what he believes. Anton Chekhov
Unless you believe, you will not understand.
|
|
|
Grandma_Sweet_Boy
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
What Goes Around Comes Around!
Gender:
Posts: 3267
|
|
Re: I need some input here....
« Reply #3 on: Aug 21st, 2004, 10:02am » |
Quote Modify
|
I don't know how old your kids are but sometimes with kids - the less said the better when it comes to trying to defend yourself against him. They will generally figure out what's going on if they're over the age of 12. Meaning, they see and know and understand how you suffer and they will sift the information their "sperm donor" gives them and most likely toss it exactly where it belongs out the windows of their minds!
He sounds like a lucky SOB to me if that's how his cycle runs. Sure would put into question exactly what it is that he has.
I guess a lot of us have been there with exes and kids and trying to figure out how to protect them but sometimes you just can't. You can only educate them which you seem to be doing a great job of.
Wanna sign up for my course in how to turn an ex into a lawn ornament in 3 easy lessons! 
|
|
IP Logged |
|
|
|
Redd
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Gender:
Posts: 6661
|
|
Re: I need some input here....
« Reply #4 on: Aug 21st, 2004, 10:14am » |
Quote Modify
|
All that seems to come to mind is to have Jonny's boot heal grinding into the SOB's skull and this wonderfull daggar to his eye for an hour, 6-8 times a day for three months, attacked for third time since midning right when he's supposed to head off in his truck, and let him tell me THEN that he wouldn't need to miss work.
|
|
IP Logged |
I saw an act of faith today. A man was on his knees, not in a pew in a Church, but in a garden planting seeds. ~~Unknown
|
|
|
Grandma_Sweet_Boy
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
What Goes Around Comes Around!
Gender:
Posts: 3267
|
|
Re: I need some input here....
« Reply #5 on: Aug 21st, 2004, 10:17am » |
Quote Modify
|
You go Girl!!!!! 
|
|
IP Logged |
|
|
|
IndianaJohn
New Board Hall of Famer
Into the jaws of the Beast we ride!
Gender:
Posts: 643
|
|
Re: I need some input here....
« Reply #6 on: Aug 21st, 2004, 10:42am » |
Quote Modify
|
Big vibes going to ya Redd....
Sounds like you kids have his number though and realize that CH is not something trivial...Sooner or later they will figure out that he's full of shit..
I'm sorry that you have to deal with the beast and the bastard..
Best Wishes
John
|
|
IP Logged |
Did my brains fall out or is this headache over?
|
|
|
E-Double
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Are we ourselves?
Gender:
Posts: 6458
|
|
Re: I need some input here....
« Reply #7 on: Aug 21st, 2004, 11:14am » |
Quote Modify
|
on Aug 21st, 2004, 9:56am, Becky wrote:
Don't fall into the same trap that he is in and talk bad about him, be strong. ...
Hugs
Bec |
|
The best advice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As a "child" of divorce (parents split before I was 2 and are both remarried (father near 30yrs mother 23)
I was extremely fortunate to have my parents NEVER say one bad word about eachother to me. I was completely left out of it. In turn I devloped a healthy relationship with both that continues into my adult life.
On the flipside, My step-father's ex wife completely poisoned his kids to the point that after 23 years married to my mother they finally stopped talking to him and myself (when we used to be extremely tight) NOone was invited to my "sister's" wedding and on and on my step-dad's heart ws completely broken. He was a man that did nothing but love and support his kids and the fact that the ex was such a biatch fucked a whole family up.
You are obviously better than that and the children will learn the truth. Especially since they live with you and you appear to not act as he does. you are lucky and keep it up, could have been living with him and just been tainted by bitter lies.
BE bigger and stronger.
Take care & be well
Eric
|
|
IP Logged |
I can't believe that I have to bang my
Head against this wall again
But the blows they have just a little more
Space in-between them
Gonna take a breath and try again.
|
|
|
Redd
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Gender:
Posts: 6661
|
|
Re: I need some input here....
« Reply #8 on: Aug 21st, 2004, 11:29am » |
Quote Modify
|
Quote:You are obviously better than that and the children will learn the truth. Especially since they live with you and you appear to not act as he does. you are lucky and keep it up, could have been living with him and just been tainted by bitter lies.
BE bigger and stronger. |
|
The fact is that they DO live with him Eric. He's been denying my court ordered 50% placement for over a year, and I only get to have them here with me for what used to be considered "standard non-custodial placement". Reason? He knows I don't have the money to get an attorney to fight it. It's a very long twisted ten year nightmare, but to put it in a nutshell, he vowed when I divorced him he would ensure that he would get out of paying child support in any way he could, and he took advantage of a very bad econimical period to gain his objective.
|
|
IP Logged |
I saw an act of faith today. A man was on his knees, not in a pew in a Church, but in a garden planting seeds. ~~Unknown
|
|
|
lionsound
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
breathe
Gender:
Posts: 2021
|
|
Re: I need some input here....
« Reply #9 on: Aug 21st, 2004, 11:31am » |
Quote Modify
|
Hi Redd,
My parents have been divorced for over thirty years now(sinceI was three) and they still find the need to take shots at each other. I have no idea why, They just look stupid. They've always done this ever since I can remember, and the only person that suffered for it was me. I hated it. Still do.
You are doing the exact right thing by talking to your kids about it. I don't know their ages, but don't let that stop you from letting them express how they feel to you. That was something I was NEVER allowed to do.
Your kids are smart and they'll know you're telling the truth. Good for you for educating them.They see what you go through. And they'll love & respect you forever for an open, honest emotional place.
And as far as your ex goes......Changing him isn't likely. I don't know if you feel comfortable in a family counseling situation.
But if what he is saying is bothering your kids that much.....maybe you can give them a tool......help them to say, "Dad, I don't like when you talk about mom like that. Stop." Okay maybe add please in there somewhere...........maybe. "Stop" is a simple and great word.
We believe you. You area great mom and a good person. Your kids know it.
-lionsound
|
| « Last Edit: Aug 21st, 2004, 11:33am by lionsound » |
IP Logged |
|
|
|
synergy
New Board Veteran
There is a rainbow out there somewhere....
Gender:
Posts: 106
|
|
Re: I need some input here....
« Reply #10 on: Aug 21st, 2004, 12:48pm » |
Quote Modify
|
Oh REDD - he sounds like a right not a very nice person.
im so sorry to hear your going through this with him, why cant he just let go and get on with his life instead of hounding you?!
As everyone else has said - your kids will know who is right in the end and if they have seen you fight with the beast then they will see how bad the pain is.
Keep strong and stand tall,
luv sarah xx
|
|
IP Logged |
The fastest thing on 2 legs is the toddler you have just taken your eyes off!
|
|
|
E-Double
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Are we ourselves?
Gender:
Posts: 6458
|
|
Re: I need some input here....
« Reply #11 on: Aug 21st, 2004, 1:09pm » |
Quote Modify
|
I'm so sorry Redd!!!!!!
I feel like a real shit!
Well look...
The fact that your kids are "sick of his shit" is sad for them but does show that they are mature enough to understand what is going on and what is inappropriate.
I guess all you can do is be the bigger person and remain the best MOM you can be.
Sorry dear 
Eric
|
|
IP Logged |
I can't believe that I have to bang my
Head against this wall again
But the blows they have just a little more
Space in-between them
Gonna take a breath and try again.
|
|
|
miapet
New Board Hall of Famer
what doesn't kill me makes me stronger
Gender:
Posts: 676
|
|
Re: I need some input here....
« Reply #12 on: Aug 21st, 2004, 9:39pm » |
Quote Modify
|
BIG *HUGS* Redd . . .sorry the ex is being such a butt-head (sounds like his norm) . . .as said earlier, the kids will figure it out on their own . . .sounds as if they already have.
Isn't there a friendly lawyer up there, that would take your case on pro-bono? or find a way to hit him with the costs??
sending you LOTS of *positive light and energy*
miapet
|
|
IP Logged |
Clusterbusters Rock
www.clusterbusters.com
|
|
|
BlueMeanie
Guest
|
|
Re: I need some input here....
« Reply #13 on: Aug 21st, 2004, 11:04pm » |
Quote Modify
 Remove
|
Redd,
Sorry to hear this guy hasn't a clue about Clusters. Obviously we know if he can take an excedirin that he's full of shit. I would just let the kids know that your CH's are NOT the same as a normal headache. If they've seen you fighting the Beast i'm sure they will believe you in time. On the custody battle, sure wish I could give advise but it's not my place. I just wish you well and hope someday you will get your kids back like I know you deserve. It's a shame this guy is making it difficult, not only for you, but for the kids.
Take care Redd and enjoy the times you do get with them.
PFDAN
|
|
IP Logged |
|
|
|
alleyoop
New Board Hall of Famer
Wake me up when it's all over.
Gender:
Posts: 1143
|
|
Re: I need some input here....
« Reply #14 on: Aug 21st, 2004, 11:39pm » |
Quote Modify
|
Hey Redd,
Get a sex change. Then you'll be able to handle 'em like a MAN!!
......................................alley
|
|
IP Logged |
I know that the Good Lord won't put any more on you than you can stand, but sometimes I wish He weren't quite so PROUD of ME!
|
|
|
Gator
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
Gender:
Posts: 4556
|
|
Re: I need some input here....
« Reply #15 on: Aug 23rd, 2004, 12:52pm » |
Quote Modify
|
Hang in there babe. IMHO, you are doing right not to run down or bad mouth their "father." To make a long story short, I've lived through the poisoning thing. Guess what? Kids are smart and they eventually figure out who is playing games and who isn't. You don't want to get caught playing any games. They quickly lose respect for the players once they figure it out.
Call me tonight, or Yahoo me, LOL. We can swap a$shole stories.
Love to ya,
Mike
Editted to add: Don't worry about the wife getting mad or upset. She knows me and trusts me implicitly. I have never in 15 years given her reason not to. I don't call her "my better half" for nothing.
|
| « Last Edit: Aug 23rd, 2004, 12:55pm by Gator » |
IP Logged |
|
|
|
Superpain
New Board Hall of Famer
GOT O2!?
Gender:
Posts: 1351
|
|
Re: I need some input here....
« Reply #16 on: Aug 24th, 2004, 3:05am » |
Quote Modify
|
Talking bad about you will only come back to haunt him.
Stand your ground, be righteous, and prevail.
~~~vibes
|
| « Last Edit: Aug 24th, 2004, 3:26am by Superpain » |
IP Logged |
Chris
|
|
|
vig
CH.com Alumnus
New Board Hall of Famer
CHit Happens
Gender:
Posts: 4401
|
|
Re: I need some input here....
« Reply #17 on: Aug 24th, 2004, 9:28pm » |
Quote Modify
|
chaff.
he's chaff.
to be discarded with his moronic notions!
YOU know what is right, keep it up!
|
|
IP Logged |
never, Never, NEVER quit. -Winston Churchill
|
|
|
|
|
|
Home
Help
Search
Members
Member Map
Login
Register
Reply
Notify of replies
Send Topic
Print
test rss