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Topic: WOW, I had no idea...... (Read 423 times) |
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k9n8
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finding ways around something becomes a circle
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WOW, I had no idea......
« on: May 18th, 2004, 12:38pm » |
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I just found this website and had not a clue that there were so many of us (yes, I cried when I read it at first). I have had CH's for about 13 years alltogether. They started as a small child, but they were different. I would have a thought or a flash of memory and then I would get a 5-8 (on the kip scale) and would throw up. They went away after a brief period and then came back as full-on CH's when I was about 19 ( I am 30 now).
From then on it has been like I have stricken with a lightning bolt from hell. I KNEW the pain was so far above what anyone could understand that I figured I was on borrowed time and better live life up.
I finally got MRI/MRA and was relieved/confused by results. So then on to Verapamil, Imitrex, Zomig, Vicoden, and O2. Results vary but Imitrex takes the fear of worst case senerio out. Im sure you know what I mean, worst place, worst time, best chance for bad things to happen.
I actually addressed an issue during what I call an 11 ( I have only had 2 of them in my life). Suddenly I was in a room with a small child, the room was dark, cool, and cement all around. The child was sitting down, hiding his face. As I stared, he picked his head up and it was me as a child. The child let me know that he was still really mad about his childhood ( I was sexually abused from 8-10) and we talked, I promised him that I would spend time making that right or at least bringing it to the surface and dealing with it, and since I have things have been better. I can control rage better and have a better sense of ME. Dealing with something SO PAINFUL and full of bad memories is easier and preferred to a CH. That is really saying something.
So anyway, life is better with medication. My wife has been the light at the end of the tunnel many times, I may be insane by now had it not been for her and a reason to come back each time. Anyway, really long for my first post, but I got a lot out.....lol.
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k9n8
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finding ways around something becomes a circle
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Re: WOW, I had no idea......
« Reply #1 on: May 18th, 2004, 7:48pm » |
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Well, my point is that HUGE amounts of pain forced some self-realization. Im not sure if I would have ever addressed that had I not had bigger fish to fry. Its like I found something else (anything else) to do for a period of time, even though I did not want to do it.
Has anyone else experienced anything simialr to this?
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Mac_Muz
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new hampster "eat seeds or die"
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Re: WOW, I had no idea......
« Reply #2 on: May 19th, 2004, 7:43pm » |
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I am new here, and I also am new to cluster's.. I think I am anyway..
After finding out what these were as I had the idea this was the sinus infection from hell to begin with, I stopped one day and it came to me that maybe I had these before...
I blamed my teeth, and I blamed alot of other common things, but in the end I can't remember.
Mostly I am replying because I don't want you alone on here..
Since I am new I am sure others will reply with far more wisdom than I have to offer...
In my world I think I have hit these 10's on kip scale, but I have to wonder if that is true. I know I have been to Hell with these and a few other things...
If I ever have 11, that will have to take the cake in my world of pain...
My 11 is from shattered fragments of disk in my back.. I have been there a few times, and this Ch thing runs a close number 2 for me and pain.
Oh what fun eh? Mac
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writer
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Re: WOW, I had no idea......
« Reply #3 on: May 19th, 2004, 10:21pm » |
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Yes, K9n8, I certainly had something similar.
One day, sitting in my car, writing in my journal, cup of coffee at hand, I started writing about some hideous memories of having been abused from age 3 to 5. Out the memories came pouring, fast as I could write them down.
Then, my God! I was not in a cluster cycle at all, but the memories had brought on one fierce cluster headache as I wrote.
At the time this happened, I had been suffering for some years with ferocious attacks which at their worst sometimes had me crawling around on the floor. With the writing incident I knew there had to be a connection, and I determined then that I would get psychological help to deal with all this. I decided after years and years of suffering that either I would overcome or I would end my life.
Fortunately I found an expert in child sex abuse who cut her fee in half so I could see her. There has been slow but steady progress ever since, and not just with respect to knocking out the headaches. My life has changed radically, and at last I can experience the joy, peace and contentment (sans headaches) that we all deserve. Llike you, my anger quotient has gone down drastically.
In some way I don't totally understand even now, I believe in my case the extreme pain was the childl-in-me's way of screaming for the story to be heard, understood, shared with someone else trustworthy and (eventually) put aside.
Pain of this magnitude, recurring so regularly, would seem to have a serious message of some sort to convey. I know it did in my case.
Thanks very much for sharing your story. Maybe it will encourage others to think about any role that early trauma (not just sexual) may have played in their lives. With every good wish to you and everybody--
Writer
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TxBasslady
CH.com Alumnus
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Bass fishin' is a h00t It's the catchin' that sux
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Re: WOW, I had no idea......
« Reply #4 on: May 19th, 2004, 10:47pm » |
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You'll find.......that if you really read and absorb the facts revolving around CH....that statistics will show you that CH has to do with the Hypothalamus.
Abuse....sexual, mental or physical does not seem to figure into CH. I think, in our effort to find a cause or a reason...we tend to look for things that we think caused us to be afflicted with CH.
But then....hey, I am a female.......and it's said that females don't get CH. The percentage of female to male CH'ers is relatively low.
PF vibes to all,
Jean
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k9n8
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finding ways around something becomes a circle
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Re: WOW, I had no idea......
« Reply #5 on: May 22nd, 2004, 2:34pm » |
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Rather than there being a connection between childhood trauma and CH's, my point is the connection between UNREAL pain and childhood memories. I think that the intense pain from 2-3 tens per day enabled me to have that talk with myself. Would I have tried to deal with those memories at some point? Probably, but I did not know the extent of how mad that kid (me) still was.
I am always looking for the bright side of things, even to the point of annoying my wife, but that is how I do it. This is another example. If I HAVE to have Ch's, then at least I can get some free therapy out of it.
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UN_SOLVED
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I need a fully-automatic Imitrex injector !!
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Re: WOW, I had no idea......
« Reply #6 on: May 23rd, 2004, 1:39am » |
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You never mentioned what meds you take. I ask this because I know from personal experience that some drugs can have a severe and profound effect on mental status. I'm not saying this is what you have experienced. I've just had my share of bad trips due to meds. Could it be meds that caused these 2 events ?
(no offense intended)
PF Wishes
Unsolved
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k9n8
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finding ways around something becomes a circle
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Re: WOW, I had no idea......
« Reply #7 on: May 23rd, 2004, 12:14pm » |
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No offense taken at all, I am on Imitrex, Verapamil, O2, Excedrin Migraine and occasionally Vicoden. Nothing trippy, nothing mind-expanding, but I like the suggestion, thats kind of how it felt. I came out of it like I just walked out of a cerimonial TEE PEE, like I found my spirit animal or something, it was powerful.
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