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Topic: The cause of CH... (In case you need to laugh...) (Read 502 times) |
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Hirvimaki
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Quod me nutrit me destruit.
    
 
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The cause of CH... (In case you need to laugh...)
« on: Dec 23rd, 2003, 3:19pm » |
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The doctor said, "The good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine and the pressure creates those awful headaches. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He had suffered terrible, excruciating headaches since high school, and this was the very first time anyone had offered him a solution. But he found himself wondering if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. Amazing, he thought to himself, I can make a new beginning and live a new life.
When he passed a men's clothing store he thought, That's what I need, a new suit.
He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see ... size 44 long."
Joe laughed, "That's right! How did you know?"
"I've been in the business 60 years!" exclaimed the tailor.
Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"
Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."
The tailor eyed Joe and said, "Let's see... 34 sleeve and 16 1/2 neck."
Joe was surprised again. "That's right. How did you know?"
"I've been in the business 60 years.?
Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.
As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the tailor asked, "How about new shoes?"
Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure."
The tailor eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see... 10-1/2 E."
Joe was astonished. "That's right! How did you know?"
"I've been in the business 60 years.?
Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the elderly tailor asked, "How about some new underwear?"
Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure."
The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see...size 38."
Joe laughed. "Aha! I got you! I've worn size 32 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head. "You can't wear a size 32! A size 32 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
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| « Last Edit: Dec 23rd, 2003, 3:23pm by Hirvimaki » |
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"What makes us discontented with our condition is the absurdly exaggerated idea we have of the happiness of others."
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Mr. Happy
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Brass Balls......
« Reply #1 on: Dec 23rd, 2003, 5:36pm » |
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Subject: Historical Naval Knowledge
It was necessary to keep a good supply of cannon balls near the cannon on ships. But the problem was how to prevent them from rolling about the deck. The best storage method devised was to stack them as a square based pyramid, with one ball on top, resting on four, resting on nine, which rested on 16. Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon.
There was only one problem -- how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding/rolling from under the others. The solution was a metal plate with 16 round indentations, called a Monkey.
But if this plate was made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make Brass Monkeys. Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey. Thus, it was quite literally, "cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey!"
Knowledge is power,
RJ
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May those who don't want any
Have memories of never getting any.
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Hirvimaki
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Quod me nutrit me destruit.
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Re: The cause of CH... (In case you need to laugh.
« Reply #2 on: Dec 23rd, 2003, 6:03pm » |
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Funny and entertaining.  But my etymologist heart just screams! So forgive me for being anal about this?
Not even the august and venerable OED has record of a usage of "brass monkey" like the one presented above.
The term "brass monkey" entered the popular lexicon somewhere mid-19th century, but not always in reference to balls or freezing temperatures. It could be cold enough to freeze the ears, tail, nose, or whiskers off a brass monkey and it was also possible for it to be hot enough to "scald the throat" or "singe the hair" of a brass monkey.
This from http://www.history.navy.mil:
It has often been claimed that the "brass monkey" was a holder or storage rack in which cannon balls (or shot) were stacked on a ship. Supposedly when the "monkey" with its stack of cannon ball became cold, the contraction of iron cannon balls led to the balls falling through or off of the "monkey." This explanation appears to be a legend of the sea without historical justification. In actuality, ready service shot was kept on the gun or spar decks in shot racks (also known as shot garlands in the Royal Navy) which consisted of longitudinal wooden planks with holes bored into them, into which round shot (cannon balls) were inserted for ready use by the gun crew.
Hirvimaki
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"What makes us discontented with our condition is the absurdly exaggerated idea we have of the happiness of others."
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Cerberus
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Re: The cause of CH... (In case you need to laugh.
« Reply #3 on: Dec 23rd, 2003, 6:55pm » |
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Hence the invention of the CONE shaped projectile.
Both stories were hysterical. Thanks for the laugh y'all I needed one.
Ramon
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I would rather face the end with terror than terror without end. - (Deitrich Sawatsky 194?)
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