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Topic: This literally, completely, wholeheartedly SUCKS! (Read 385 times) |
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Carl_D
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This literally, completely, wholeheartedly SUCKS!
« on: Sep 21st, 2003, 2:47am » |
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Been okay the last hour or so...still breathing and getting a fricken grip.
Been episodic with CH since 87, chronic since feb 98, attacks eased off in frequency and intensity after trying shroom treatment in 2001. Did good for awhile, last year I went mega downhill, lost hope, and January of this year said "Fuck this! I don't want to do this anymore." during a mega attack and swallowed every one of my sickening meds. No one should have found me for at least a week and a half, and that would have been the landlord looking for the rent. Well, someone found me...woke up over a week later in the hospital unable to hardly breathe, move or swallow - confused to say the least. I was most shocked that I woke up at all. The fricken Amitriptyline bottle alone should have done me in regardless.
Attacks got better, delved with everything I am into what I know best. Doing music. Mike literally dragged me out of my shell and got me going again. A 4-6 or 7 ch here and there, mostly when I'd sleep. Fast forawd a bit, things going great, band off to a good start, focused, set - recording our demo and orgainizing a CH benefit for December. In the last month, the bastards have been creeping up to where I wondered if it was time to worry. A friend turned me on to Imitrex injections (which tried many times and never worked) but this time they worked! YEAH! GOT SOME FUCKIN' AMMO TO FEED THAT FIEND!!!
Fast forward to now.
Been up since Thursday morning, and got here at the bands studio (Mikes house), working on tunes, fighting off attacks, starting to wonder.
Since 2pm TODAY...2 attacks aborted by 1/3 dose. 3rd attack not fully aborted at full dose, level 5. Coming out of it, stayed around a 2 or 3 and about an hour later, it crept up and hit HARD!!!!! Got so bad I bailed up to Mikes moms room (she is staying in Vegas with his sis for a few months), writhing sitting rocking with an 8!!! Mike walks in, sees me. leaves. He has seen me in an attack and how I act, he never saw THAT before. He left just before it cranked up to fuckin full blown 10!!! Writhing on the floor, well, you know what glorious things abound then. By the time I came out of that, I was so worn out that I bailed on recording all night, and failed to help Doc with a new tune. After being through chronic hell that I sometimes even wondered how many CH sufferers understood (no abortives or working preventatives, no NOTHING!) now I am getting scared. Is this gonna crank up hard enough and bad enough again in the next couple of months to ruin everything I am working for now? After the shit I have been through, nothing has rattled my cage.
It ruined today, and has me scared to go to sleep now. Got tomorrow to record and then I go home for a few days. Sweating my head off and worried about everything at this point.
Regardless, OUCHFest will happen, I will be there, and I am gonna fucking perform - attack or NOT!. FUCKIT!!!
Peace,
Carl D
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goaway
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"Things take longer than they do."
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Re: This literally, completely, wholeheartedly SUC
« Reply #1 on: Sep 21st, 2003, 8:48am » |
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GO FOR IT BUDDY!!!
Get raw and crankin'!! Can't believe that I am the first one to check in with you, but know this...you are NOT alone.
Get into whatever helps you at times such as this. We are here and you have a lot of great vibes coming to you. And another thing, remember...this WILL pass!
Check in with us and keep us informed.
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"If you get robbed by worry,.....it was an 'inside' job."
"...runnin' with the shadow...runnin' with the shadow..."
"We don't rent pigs."
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Cerberus
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Re: This literally, completely, wholeheartedly SUC
« Reply #2 on: Sep 21st, 2003, 10:19am » |
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" I used to play for the love of the game, now I just play for the money." - Cerberus
You shall not be denied, satisfaction sir!
KICK HIS ASS!!!!!!! and a good solid one fer me too.
Ramon
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Miss_Deleny
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Re: This literally, completely, wholeheartedly SUC
« Reply #3 on: Sep 21st, 2003, 10:28am » |
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I'm sorry you're being hit so hard now. The beast seems to know just when NOT to hit and hits anyway 
Sending you PF vibes ...
~April~
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Prense
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Re: This literally, completely, wholeheartedly SUC
« Reply #4 on: Sep 21st, 2003, 10:29am » |
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Some months are worse for me than others...I never catch much of a break, but the severity and frequency dies off to a level that is easier to deal with considering. Last month was a bad one. This month is not too bad so far.
I must admit...it was easier dealing with these psychologically when I was given the impression there was nothing I could do for them. Now that I know there are ways to at least attempt to handle CH, I have the added stressor of dealing with docs, neuros, pharmacy, etc... Thank goodness trex is working for me! That and O2 will take care of the abortive side, but I am still grasping for a preventative combo that does something.
I am chronic and accept the fact that I will remain that way for a long time, but I will not stop trying to get a handle on these.
Best wishes for ya Carl!
Chris
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jonny
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Re: This literally, completely, wholeheartedly SUC
« Reply #5 on: Sep 21st, 2003, 11:04am » |
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on Sep 21st, 2003, 10:29am, Prense wrote:| I am chronic and accept the fact that I will remain that way for a long time, but I will not stop trying to get a handle on these. |
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That sentence ROCKS!!!!
Hang tough, Carl!
..........................jonny
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grumpett
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Re: This literally, completely, wholeheartedly SUC
« Reply #6 on: Sep 21st, 2003, 3:14pm » |
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My god...What spirit That-a-boy Hang in there.
I wish I had that much fight in me left.
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i'm not crazy....I've just been in a bad mood for 30 years!
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goaway
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Re: This literally, completely, wholeheartedly SUC
« Reply #7 on: Sep 21st, 2003, 3:28pm » |
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on Sep 21st, 2003, 3:14pm, grumpett wrote:| I wish I had that much fight in me left. |
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Grumpett-
Chin up! Great vibes coming to both of ya'll!
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"If you get robbed by worry,.....it was an 'inside' job."
"...runnin' with the shadow...runnin' with the shadow..."
"We don't rent pigs."
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stevegeebe
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Re: This literally, completely, wholeheartedly SUC
« Reply #8 on: Sep 21st, 2003, 4:32pm » |
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Carl,
When you managed to get some moderate sleep a short time ago, were you getting hit with the same frequency?
I guess what I'm trying to say is, if possible, try to get some sleep even if you its comming...it does what it wants anyway.
I getting it with both barrels lately. Nothing like you! Jesus, I pray it stops.
I have found that reductions in "rest" seems to backfire. I'm even more of a zombie, less ready to fight and the impact of the hit floors me.
You been fighting for a long time. Keep fighting as you always have.
Steve G
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Patrick_A
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Re: This literally, completely, wholeheartedly SUC
« Reply #9 on: Sep 21st, 2003, 4:35pm » |
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One more day bro. Try to get some sleep, steal it whenever ya can. Running urself ragged cant help! Forget about trying to sleep at night, just try and get it when ya can. It will make ya feel better, no doubt!
Hoping and wishing good days ahead for ya bro!
PF, Patrick
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OneEyeBlind
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Re: This literally, completely, wholeheartedly SUC
« Reply #10 on: Sep 21st, 2003, 5:17pm » |
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Good vibes coming at ya !!!!!!!!!! Never give up, never give up !!!!!!!!!!
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cootie
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Re: This literally, completely, wholeheartedly SUC
« Reply #11 on: Sep 21st, 2003, 9:44pm » |
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Were all here for ya....so hang in there ! Yer band scene sounds pretty exciteing...........am hopein you can get some rest and become PF !!!!!!!! Pam sendin CARL vibes
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Tara Ann
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Re: This literally, completely, wholeheartedly SUC
« Reply #12 on: Sep 21st, 2003, 11:49pm » |
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Hang in there Carl! You got lotsa vibes coming from lil' ol New Hampshire ;D
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Charlie
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Re: This literally, completely, wholeheartedly SUC
« Reply #13 on: Sep 21st, 2003, 11:59pm » |
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Very cool Carl
A clusterhead survivor, you are.
Charlie
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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