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Topic: Ever have the Blues? (Read 202 times) |
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Carla_Comiter
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This just came in email and I think it's a hoot. It doesn't mention CH and the Blues, but due to rule #20, it doesn't matter.
Enjoy!
Carla
Here are the rules for the Blues:
1. Most Blues begin with: "Woke up this morning..."
2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues unless you stick something nasty in the next line like "I got a good man with the meanest face in town."
3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes, sort of: "Got a good man with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good man with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and he weigh 500 pound.
4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch. There ain't no way out.
5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broke-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or SUVs. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored
motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or anyplace in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still great places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues anyplace that don't get rain.
8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the Blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is.
9. You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go out to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
10. Good places for the Blues:
a) Highway
b) Jailhouse
c) Empty bed
d) Bottom of a whiskey glass
Bad places for the Blues:
a) Nordstrom's
b) Gallery openings
c) Ivy League colleges
d) Golf courses
11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it.
12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Yes, if:
a) You older than dirt
b) You blind
c) You shot a man in Memphis
d) You can't be satisfied
No, if:
a) You have all your teeth
b) You were once blind but now can see
c) The man in Memphis lived
d) You have a 401K or trust fund
13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.
14. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
a) Cheap wine
b) Whiskey or bourbon
c) Muddy water
d) Nasty black coffee
The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a) Perrier
b) Chardonnay
c) Snapple
d) Slim Fast
15. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken-down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a
tennis match or while getting liposuction.
16. Some Blues names for women:
a) Sadie
b) Big Mama
c) Bessie
d) Fat River Dumpling
17. Some Blues names for men:
a) Joe
b) Willie
c) Little Willie
d) Big Willie
18. Persons with names like Amber, Jennifer, Tiffany, Debbie, and Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
19. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit:
a) Name of a physical infirmity (Blind, Crippled, Lame, etc.)
b) Name of a fruit (Lemon, Lime, etc.)
c) Last name of a President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
Examples: Blind Melon Jefferson, Jackleg Lime Johnson
20. No matter how tragic your life, if you own a computer you cannot sing the blues.
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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tsayswhy
New Board Old Timer
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Re: Ever have the Blues?
« Reply #1 on: Sep 7th, 2003, 12:51am » |
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#7 GOTTA LOVE THOSE CANADIAN'S...LOL
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if you are going my way---i will walk with you
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Cooked Brain
New Board Old Timer
a.k.a. Max Payne, YOUCH this hurts...
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Re: Ever have the Blues?
« Reply #2 on: Sep 7th, 2003, 7:20am » |
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LMFAO ;D ;D ;D
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"We can NOT solve our problems with the same kind of thinking that got us IN to the problem in the first place" Albert Einstein
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cootie
New Board Hall of Famer
sumday I'm gonna be sumbody........ ..
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Posts: 8406
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Re: Ever have the Blues?
« Reply #3 on: Sep 7th, 2003, 8:35pm » |
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Oh and don't fergit 'big legged women' blues......honest.... it's in "alot" of blues songs !!! Pam that's not quite sure why I brought that up tho ?
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Cause and Effect......"Cause is the effect concealed, Effect is the cause revealed"
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