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Topic: Plastic Jesus (Read 996 times) |
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Live4Fun
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Plastic Jesus
« on: Jul 22nd, 2003, 6:59pm » |
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Plastic Jesus... (everyone now, sing along)
Plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
He don't slip and he don't slide, cause his ass is magnetized...
Plastic Jesus riding in my car....
(second verse, same as the first)
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"If you hear a different drummer, dreamer take a chance... The road you choose to follow means the difference in the dance." (D. Morgan) -- Bryan
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Not4Hire
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Re: Plastic Jesus
« Reply #1 on: Jul 22nd, 2003, 7:08pm » |
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..and I don' care if it's Dark n Scary...
...long as I got mah Plastic Mary....
sittin on the Dashbored of mah cah.....
Praise da Load... and His Divinity....
Long as Ah got mah Plastic Trinity.....
sittin on the Dashbored of mah cah.....
...next year, brethren and cistern.... 
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Live4Fun
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Re: Plastic Jesus
« Reply #2 on: Jul 22nd, 2003, 7:14pm » |
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"If you hear a different drummer, dreamer take a chance... The road you choose to follow means the difference in the dance." (D. Morgan) -- Bryan
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jonny
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Down the road in my car.
A plastic Jesus on my dashboard, got to work to stay alive.
I'm just a sinner tryin' to survive.
Yeah we commit all those deadly sins.
But I dont worry cause I got my friend.
I got my plastic Jesus in my car.
Hes always with me, never to far.
Yeah, my plastic Jesus always forgives.
Im a sinner thats why I believe.
Substituted "Plastic" for "Wooden"....By Greatwhite (The death band)
........................................jonny
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Ted
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Re: Plastic Jesus
« Reply #4 on: Jul 22nd, 2003, 7:16pm » |
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I don't care if it rains or freezes,
's long as I've got my plastic Jesus
nailed to the dashboard of my car.
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| « Last Edit: Jul 22nd, 2003, 7:24pm by Ted » |
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Tara Ann
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Re: Plastic Jesus
« Reply #5 on: Jul 22nd, 2003, 7:23pm » |
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ok im breaking thislovely thread to say you guys crack me up!!!! ;D
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http://www.myspace.com/taraann77
 
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KingOfPain
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Re: Plastic Jesus
« Reply #6 on: Jul 22nd, 2003, 7:26pm » |
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Plastic Jesus
Ernie Marrs
I don't care if it rains of freezes
'Long as I got my Plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car.
Through my trials and tribulations
And my travels through the nations
With my Plastic Jesus I'll go far.
Plastic Jesus! Plastic Jesus,
Riding on the dashboard of my car
I'm afraid He'll have to go.
His magnets ruin my radio
And if I have a wreck He'll leave a scar.
Riding down a thoroughfare
With His nose up in the air,
A wreck may be ahead, but He don't mind.
Trouble coming He don't see,
He just keeps His eye on me
And any other thing that lies behind.
Plastic Jesus! Plastic Jesus,
Riding on the dashboard of my car ...
Though the sunshine on His back
Make Him peel, chip and crack,
A little patching keeps Him up to par.
When I'm in a traffic jam
He don't care if I say "damn"
I can let all my curses roll
Plastic Jesus doesn't hear
'Cause he has a plastic ear
The man who invented plastic saved my soul.
Plastic Jesus! Plastic Jesus,
Riding on the dashboard of my car ...
Once His robe was snowy white,
Now it isn't quite so bright -
Stained by the smoke of my cigar.
If I weave around at night,
And policemen think I'm tight,
They never find my bottle - though they ask.
Plastic Jesus shelters me,
For His head comes off, you see
He's hollow, and I use Him for a flask.
Plastic Jesus! Plastic Jesus,
Riding on the dashboard of my car ...
Ride with me and have a dram
Of the blood of the Lamb -
Plastic Jesus is a holy bar.
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Arrived August, 1999.
We swallow greedily any lie that flatters us, but we sip only little by little at a truth we find bitter.
- Denis Diderot
Real friendship is shown in times of trouble; prosperity is full of friends. - Euripides
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KingOfPain
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Re: Plastic Jesus
« Reply #7 on: Jul 22nd, 2003, 7:27pm » |
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[Plastic Jesus has become quite entrenched in the folk tradition, so there are considerably more folk verses than there were original ones. Following are folk additions and emendations, as well as additions from recording artists who have covered this song.]
Well, I don't care if it rains or freezes,
Long as I have my plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
I could go a hundred miles an hour
Long as I got the Almighty Power
Glued up there with my pair of fuzzy dice
{Refrain - repeat between every verse}
Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Through all trials and tribulations,
We will travel every nation,
With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.
I don't care if it rains or freezes
As long as I've got my Plastic Jesus
Glued to the dashboard of my car,
You can buy Him phosphorescent
Glows in the dark, He's Pink and Pleasant,
Take Him with you when you're travelling far
I don't care if it's dark or scary
Long as I have magnetic Mary
Ridin' on the dashboard of my car
I feel I'm protected amply
I've got the whole damn Holy Family
Riding on the dashboard of my car
You can buy a Sweet Madonna
Dressed in rhinestones sitting on a
Pedestal of abalone shell
Goin' ninety, I'm not wary
'Cause I've got my Virgin Mary
Guaranteeing I won't go to Hell
I don't care what they say, I'm gonna
Keep on prayin' to that pink madonna
Melted to the dashboard of my car.
I don't care if it bumps or jostles
Long as I got the Twelve Apostles
Bolted to the dashboard of my car
Don't I have a pious mess
Such a crowd of holiness
Strung across the dashboard of my car
No, I don't care if it rains or freezes
Long as I have my plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
But I think he'll have to go
His magnet ruins my radio
And if we have a wreck he'll leave a scar
Riding through the thoroughfare
With his nose up in the air
A wreck may be ahead, but he don't mind
Trouble coming, he don't see
He just keeps his eyes on me
And any other thing that lies behind
{as refrain}
Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Though the sun shines on his back
Makes him peel, chip, and crack
A little patching keeps him up to par
When pedestrians try to cross
I let them know who's boss
I never blow my horn or give them warning
I ride all over town
Trying to run them down
And it's seldom that they live to see the morning
{as refrain}
Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
His halo fits just right
And I use it as a sight
And they'll scatter or they'll splatter near and far
When I'm in a traffic jam
He don't care if I say Damn
I can let all sorts of curses roll
Plastic Jesus doesn't hear
For he has a plastic ear
The man who invented plastic saved my soul
{as refrain}
Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Once his robe was snowy white
Now it isn't quite so bright
Stained by the smoke of my cigar
God made Christ a Holy Jew
God made Him a Christian too
Paradoxes populate my car
Joseph beams with a feigned elan
From the shaggy dash of my furlined van
Famous cuckold in the master plan
Naughty Mary, smug and smiling
Jesus dainty and beguiling
Knee-deep in the piling of my van
His message clear by night or day
My phosphorescent plastic Gay
Simpering from the dashboard of my van
You can buy Him phosphorescent
Glows in the dark, He's Pink and Pleasant,
Take Him with you when you're travelling far.
You can buy a Sweet Madonna
Dressed in rhinestones sitting on a
Pedestal of abalone shell.
Goin' ninety, I'm not wary'
Cause I've got my Virgin Mary,
Guaranteeing I won't go to Hell.
Rain and Snow are not an issue
long as I got my plastic Vishnu
Sittin on the dashboard of my car
When I'm goin' fornicatin
I got my ceramic Satan
Sinnin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home
The women know I'm on the level
Thanks to the wild-eyed stoneware devil
Ridin' on the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home
Sneerin' from the dashboard of my Winnebago Motor Home
Leering from the dashboard of my van
I don't care if I'm broke or starvin'
As long as I've got a fish named Darwin
Glued to the trunklid of my car
God, I'm feeling so evolved
Drivin' with my problems solved
Proclaiming what I think of what we are
Riding home one foggy night,
With my honey cuddled tight,
I missed a curve and off the road we veered.
My windshield got smashed-up good,
And my darling graced the hood.
Plastic Jesus, He had disappeared.
{As refrain}
Plastic Jesus! Plastic Jesus,
No longer chides me with His holy grin.
Doctors in the X-ray room
Found Him in my darling's womb.
Someday, He'll be born again!
I don't care if it rains or freezes
Long as I got my plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
He's the dude with the rusty nails,
Walks on water, don't need no sails
Riding on the dashboard of me car
I don't care if the night is scary
As long as I got the Virgin Mary
Sittin' on the dashboard of my car.
She don't slip and she don't slide
Cuz her ass is magnetized
Sittin' on the dashboard of my car.
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Arrived August, 1999.
We swallow greedily any lie that flatters us, but we sip only little by little at a truth we find bitter.
- Denis Diderot
Real friendship is shown in times of trouble; prosperity is full of friends. - Euripides
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Live4Fun
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Re: Plastic Jesus
« Reply #8 on: Jul 22nd, 2003, 7:29pm » |
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I expect everyone to have every verse memorized for next years convention!!!! 
Randy (Mr. Happy) get your guitar playin fingers loose, all these verses could take a while! 
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"If you hear a different drummer, dreamer take a chance... The road you choose to follow means the difference in the dance." (D. Morgan) -- Bryan
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KingOfPain
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Re: Plastic Jesus
« Reply #9 on: Jul 22nd, 2003, 7:32pm » |
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http://www.whitetreeaz.com/plastic_jesus/
Lyrics & audio!
KOP
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Arrived August, 1999.
We swallow greedily any lie that flatters us, but we sip only little by little at a truth we find bitter.
- Denis Diderot
Real friendship is shown in times of trouble; prosperity is full of friends. - Euripides
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Miklos
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Re: Plastic Jesus
« Reply #10 on: Jul 22nd, 2003, 7:36pm » |
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Dear Mr. KOP: And I thought I was obsessive compulsive.
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Don't be offended by my frank analysis. Think of it as personality dialysis.
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suzy617
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Re: Plastic Jesus
« Reply #11 on: Jul 22nd, 2003, 7:37pm » |
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OMG!!!! You guys had me singing that song to myself all damn day at work today!! ;D ;D ;D
Suzy
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Linda_Howell
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Re: Plastic Jesus
« Reply #12 on: Jul 22nd, 2003, 7:50pm » |
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Yep me too sis-tah......all fucking day long that stupid song is in my head.
For all of you who don't know what the fuck we're talking about...........Randy and Live-for-fun sang this song. I had to explain amidst the laughter that it really WAS a country song.
As I unpacked today in total depression though, I played Grants CD.....thanks Grant. You were with us in spirit.
Linda, who is now gonna stop using that f word til the next convention........
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Kindness, is gladdening the hearts of those who are traveling the dark journey with us.
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Charlie
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Re: Plastic Jesus
« Reply #13 on: Jul 22nd, 2003, 7:58pm » |
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I'm gonna kill you KOP.
I was just about to get Mr. Happy's version out of my perforated head. Damn. Now I'm gonna have to bolt you to the hood of yer car. ;D
Charlie
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| « Last Edit: Jul 22nd, 2003, 7:59pm by Charlie » |
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Linda_Howell
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Re: Plastic Jesus
« Reply #14 on: Jul 22nd, 2003, 8:02pm » |
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You didn't think this MB was gonna get back to normal any time soon, did ya charlie.????
I think KOP would look good as a hood ornament on my car. lmao......and here I was gonna go do a search for the words. Stupid me......
Linda
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Kindness, is gladdening the hearts of those who are traveling the dark journey with us.
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Miklos
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Re: Plastic Jesus
« Reply #15 on: Jul 22nd, 2003, 8:03pm » |
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Dear Ms. Linda_Howell: When I had my hip replaced, the black-belt physical therapists told me that I was not permitted to say the f- word. But, I was permitted to say F# (F sharp) as often as was needed during therapy. Sometimes, F# is equally as satisfying.
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Don't be offended by my frank analysis. Think of it as personality dialysis.
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eyes_afire
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Re: Plastic Jesus
« Reply #16 on: Jul 22nd, 2003, 8:21pm » |
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LOL Taraann, you shoulda been there. I only wish I was a little less sober (damn CH). May have to reform our band Porch Jam for next year, LOL. Bring your harps again Brad.
--- Steve
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Still around... in a brand new world now...
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Linda_Howell
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Re: Plastic Jesus
« Reply #17 on: Jul 22nd, 2003, 8:30pm » |
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Mr. Miklos,
Fucken-eh-sharp. Nope. Doesn't do it for me.
You can call me Linda though.
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Kindness, is gladdening the hearts of those who are traveling the dark journey with us.
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Mr. Happy
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Polypropylene Gods
« Reply #18 on: Jul 22nd, 2003, 8:53pm » |
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Jesus H........
Would you'se guys stand _Over There_ for a while.
Ain't entirely sure this evenings monolithic electrical storm is entirely NATURAL. Wotan is like that........wry sense of humor, indeed.
He don't slip and he don't slide,
RJ
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May those who don't want any
Have memories of never getting any.
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Ree
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Re: Plastic Jesus
« Reply #19 on: Jul 22nd, 2003, 10:18pm » |
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LMHineyO ree
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cootie
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Re: Plastic Jesus
« Reply #20 on: Jul 22nd, 2003, 10:30pm » |
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jonny knows the verse to the beer tab dance.....got sum in my pants......blahhh-ha-ha-ha-ha ! Pam that woke up with none in my pockets ;D ;D
So how YOU dowin ?
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KingOfPain
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Re: Plastic Jesus
« Reply #21 on: Jul 22nd, 2003, 11:35pm » |
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on Jul 22nd, 2003, 7:58pm, Charlie wrote:I'm gonna kill you KOP.
I was just about to get Mr. Happy's version out of my perforated head. Damn. Now I'm gonna have to bolt you to the hood of yer car. ;D
Charlie |
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You fix my oil gushing car Charlie & by all means, bolt away.
KOP
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Arrived August, 1999.
We swallow greedily any lie that flatters us, but we sip only little by little at a truth we find bitter.
- Denis Diderot
Real friendship is shown in times of trouble; prosperity is full of friends. - Euripides
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Mark C
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Onward through the fog.
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Re: Plastic Jesus
« Reply #22 on: Jul 23rd, 2003, 12:06am » |
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If I may add...
I think nothing could be cuter
Than to see magnetic Buddha
sitting on the dashboard of my car
Other drivers they throw fits
Buddha he just sits and sits
sits there on the dashboard of my car
For safety you can't top the Torah
which explains the huge Menorah
up there on the rooftop of my car
I know I have done my utmost
With my mezuzah on the doorpost
Please touch it as you get into the car
I press firmly on the pedal
protected by a St. Chris medal
fastened to the dashboard of my car
Now I hear he's been demoted
To him we'll no more be devoted
I'll peel him from the dashboard of my car
There's a crystal made of glass
Which creates a blinding flash
Hanging from the mirror of my car
Though it makes it hard to see
It brings the cosmic energy
To focus on the dashboard of my car
With other cars I will not tangle
Long as I have that fine pentagle
riding on the dashboard of my car
My new car it has lots of room
much better than my other broom
<ad lib> I'm getting tired, could you drive a spell?
My view ahead is clear to see
Because an atheist that's me
With nothing on the dashboard of my car
On the road my sole protector
Is a good radar detector
Looking through the windshield of my car
On the road I fear no moron
For I have my trusty Koran
Riding in the glove-box of my car
My faith's as solid as can be
I'll make the mountains come to me
Soon I will no longer need the car
Other drivers they should fear me
for I have their effigy
riding on the dashboard of my car
No more in life will they be grinnin'
After I just shove this pin in
They'll wish they'd never bumped into this car
Though in faith we are diverse
In cars our outlook grows perverse
We drive as though our brains was made of tar
Different idols seem to linger
But every driver has one finger
Waving it at every other car
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BobG
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Re: Plastic Jesus
« Reply #23 on: Jul 23rd, 2003, 3:04am » |
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You people have WAY to much free time.
But, there's a little discrimination going on here. Not once was a Frisbee on the dashboard mentioned. 
Never mind. I found it. The floppy-eared-bobble-head dog in the back window had it.
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catlind
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Re: Plastic Jesus
« Reply #24 on: Jul 23rd, 2003, 9:36am » |
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ROFL!!!!!!!! And in the immortal words of Mr Happy:
You people are FUCKING NUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL
Oh Hap...one for the road:
Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaandy 
Cat
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If yer gonna be stupid, ya gotta be tough
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