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Live4Fun
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Sonovabitch
« on: Jun 13th, 2003, 3:33pm » |
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Hey gang! I need to vent. I know you heard all this before, but if I don't get this out I am gonna explode.
I got hit with my 10 this morning. I knew it was coming, I just didn't know when, because the shadows kept getting a little worse and a little worse until BAM! I know if I just get shadows for a few days that I am gonna get hit hard, and I did. But why did it have to happen at work???
Anyway, what I need to vent about is that, like in "The Devil" button story, the f'in demon makes me look like a complete, sobbering, idiot in front of my co-workers. I finally had to leave and very carefully drive home just to hide. I didn't want them to see more than they had too... I just feel like I lose respect everytime I get a horrible attack here at work. I want to scream at the top of my lungs "IT'S NOT MY FAULT, HE WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE", but I fear that would only lose me more respect than I have already lost.
Like I have said in previous posts, most people here in my office try and understand what I am going through, but I can't help noticing the little looks I get when I say I have another "headache". They just don't understand how it feels, and think I am a complete wuss.
I AM SOOOOOO sick of having to go through this. I know I am in it for life, but JESUS do I have to be? This is so rediculous. I am sitting here with tears rolling down my face because I am so embarrassed and I only wish people could understand.
Well, thanks for listening.
Depressed and annoyed  ,
Bryan
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"If you hear a different drummer, dreamer take a chance... The road you choose to follow means the difference in the dance." (D. Morgan) -- Bryan
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Roxy
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Re: Sonovabitch
« Reply #1 on: Jun 13th, 2003, 3:38pm » |
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Bryan, I'm sorry for all you're going through. Have you ever printed this page from the UK website and taken it into work?
http://www.ouch-uk.org/ch/note_colleagues.cfm
It might help for the people you work with to read about ch's, rather than you just trying to tell them.
Hope it gets better for you,
Tracey
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Donna
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Re: Sonovabitch
« Reply #2 on: Jun 13th, 2003, 3:48pm » |
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Good suggestion Roxy.
I'd like to know how many people it has helped over the past few years. I'll bet it's a good number.
I'd hang it up on the employee bulliten board if I needed it.
Good luck, Live4
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Margi
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Re: Sonovabitch
« Reply #3 on: Jun 13th, 2003, 3:50pm » |
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Do you HAVE to be a clusterhead? Sorry to say that it doesn't look like you have much say in the matter, sweetie.
But, you know what? You DON'T have to be alone with it!! And you DON'T have to continue putting up with uneducated co-workers - do print out that sheet for them - it's amazingly well done by Simon Bower (our UK brother).
Now you see why it's so important that we promote OUCH at every opportunity? Education. Do what Jonny did and get yourself an OUCH t-shirt for every day of the month. Wear them to work. Make people ASK what the shirt means. That's a really great start, Bryan.
I know this doesn't stop your pain, but it CAN really help to let you check just one thing off your list of things that you can't do anything about. Because you CAN do something about cluster education. Email your co-workers the link to www.clusterheadaches.org while you're at it. Or print out pages from any of our websites (here, UK, Italy) and leave 'em at the coffee pot. Every lil bit helps, Bryan.
Hang in there, friend.
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BlackDog
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Re: Sonovabitch
« Reply #4 on: Jun 13th, 2003, 3:52pm » |
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Bryan,
I understand. This one will pass. Be strong buddy.
Darren
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Live4Fun
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Re: Sonovabitch
« Reply #5 on: Jun 13th, 2003, 4:24pm » |
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I would like to wear a t-shirt, but it is suit and tie for me only... which doesn't help when I get attacked either, being choked is definitely not a cure... 
I did not know of the information for co-workers. I will put it out for everyone. It is still embarrassing though... I have a "I can do anything attitude" and that is what people see in me. I guess it is just hard admitting that I can be defeated. Some thing I have to get over.
I know the headaches are with me for life, and there is nothing I can do about that... just don't want them to be.
Thank you all for listening... 
BTW... driving with a 10... not a real good idea... people look at you strange when you are driving with one I shut and one hand punching yourself in the forhead... 
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"If you hear a different drummer, dreamer take a chance... The road you choose to follow means the difference in the dance." (D. Morgan) -- Bryan
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Roxy
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Re: Sonovabitch
« Reply #6 on: Jun 13th, 2003, 4:31pm » |
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on Jun 13th, 2003, 4:24pm, Live4Fun wrote:| I guess it is just hard admitting that I can be defeated. |
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Bryan, this is WRONG!!!!
Ch's do not defeat us. We fight them with everything we have in the arsenal. Can you take an E tank to work with you? Do you have imitrex injections?
They may give us a hell of a battle.....but, by God.....they aren't gonna win.....
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Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. (Einstein)
I used to have a handle on life....but it broke.
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Live4Fun
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Re: Sonovabitch
« Reply #7 on: Jun 13th, 2003, 4:40pm » |
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Roxy, thank you, you are right. I am not defeated. May lose a battle or two, but still fighting the war... Never looked at it that way
Have injections and pills at work, no 02 though, don't even have that at home yet. (Switching Neuro's right now so I can get what I need, mine is an idiot)
When it gets that bad the imitrex only dampens the pain a tiny bit and makes me "lose my breakfast". I only use the imitrex up to an 8. Call me crazy... I know I am.  But puking with a 9 or 10 just isn't any fun... makes the head throb on top of it!! I should have taken the pill when I first felt it coming on, but after so many shadows, I thought it would just be another one. 1 minute later I knew it was too late.
Bryan
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"If you hear a different drummer, dreamer take a chance... The road you choose to follow means the difference in the dance." (D. Morgan) -- Bryan
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KingOfPain
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Re: Sonovabitch
« Reply #8 on: Jun 13th, 2003, 5:05pm » |
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Bryan,
So sorry the beast is f'n with ya.
Hang in & hang on, we are all here for you.
Many times quoted... "This too shall pass".
Go ahead & scream, I do it all the time. Not sure if it helps or not, but is a definite release.
You just keep posting & venting all you want. That is what this forum is all about.
We are pulling for you.
KingOfPain
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Arrived August, 1999.
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Real friendship is shown in times of trouble; prosperity is full of friends. - Euripides
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kissmyglass
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Re: Sonovabitch
« Reply #9 on: Jun 13th, 2003, 5:08pm » |
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embarrassed?? Fuck em...
Kev
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Callico
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Re: Sonovabitch
« Reply #10 on: Jun 13th, 2003, 10:28pm » |
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I know the feeling when you get hit in a public place, esp. around co workers and or employers. Simon's letter was a really good help for me both at work and at church, (where I got hit while teaching a 7th/8th grade class). Three weeks ago I got hit while at my daughter's wedding rehearsal. Had several other things going on in the church at the same time. Got hit suddenly while walking down the hall and was on the floor immediately. Talk about feeling like a monkey in the zoo! Fortunately though, people there cared. People at work . . .
Hang in there. You are to good of a man to let this get you down.
jc
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Live4Fun
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Re: Sonovabitch
« Reply #11 on: Jun 13th, 2003, 10:33pm » |
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Thank you all again. It has just been a rough day. I don't let anything get me down for too long...
You ALL are the most wonderful people I have ever met!!! If not for you today would have been absolutely horrible for me, but I knew I had a place to go. I have only been here for one week, yet I feel like my whole life has changed cause I have found you! You guys ROCK!
Luv and PFDANs to ALL
Bryan
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"If you hear a different drummer, dreamer take a chance... The road you choose to follow means the difference in the dance." (D. Morgan) -- Bryan
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katethecelt
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Re: Sonovabitch
« Reply #12 on: Jun 13th, 2003, 10:57pm » |
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Bryan,
Sounds like your spirits are better. Everyone gave you great support and advice.
I can't help wondering if the Fear is making you think you're losing respect. Get an attitude and show them you have plenty of respect for yourself. I like to say "I'm going into battle" to let ppl know I'm having an attack.
I don't know if you're taking any preventative meds, but a good regular doc will help you with that if you bring her/him info. That's what I did.
Sending powerful PF vibes,
Kate
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Charlie
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Re: Sonovabitch
« Reply #13 on: Jun 13th, 2003, 11:02pm » |
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Simon's letter is a good suggestion.
Don't give this horror an even break and you'll be OK
I used to get hit at antique shows. Made me fun to deal with.
One effen thing at a time was all I asked
Charlie
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There is nothing more satisfying than being shot at without result---Winston Churchill
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arby
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Re: Sonovabitch
« Reply #14 on: Jun 14th, 2003, 12:03am » |
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Bryan
Whatever you do don't feel defeated!!!
You have won every battle with the beast so far and you will win every one to come. Just hard to believe when getting hit but you will.
Remember, every hit will end and it might just be the last one - it has happened!
Hang in there.
Ross
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If the meds don't kill me the CH doesn't stand a chance!
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badpunkchick
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Re: Sonovabitch
« Reply #15 on: Jun 14th, 2003, 2:01am » |
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yeah work ones suck... i totally understand the embarashment... i'm a lifeguard, and my first summer suffering with ch i was working at a summer camp (big big mistake!)... the head lifeguard knew about my condition, so when he saw me stop swimming and crawl up on the deck crying, he closed the pool, grabbed me one of the soft rescue tubes so the concrete wouldn't damage my head... although he made the mistake of getting the head nurse, who wouldn't leave me alone... luckily there were no kids within ear shot for some of my colorful vocabulary... but i had to put up with kids and counselors asking why we had to close the pool... and they weren't exactly happy about it.
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don
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Wanna let em know how severe the pain is? You on imitrex? Show em the syringe. Who besides us takes injections for headaches?
Plop a bottle of O2 in the corner of your office and leave the mask dangling from it.
Wanna really impress them? Frame a piece of busted out wall plaster and place on your office wall. On the bottom print.
"ASK ME! GO AHEAD FUCKER.... ASK!
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Jayne
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Pull my finger!
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Re: Sonovabitch
« Reply #17 on: Jun 14th, 2003, 11:01am » |
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That's funny Don!
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If you haven't laughed today, it's been a wasted day.
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Live4Fun
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Re: Sonovabitch
« Reply #18 on: Jun 14th, 2003, 12:06pm » |
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Don,
I like the way you think!! ;D
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"If you hear a different drummer, dreamer take a chance... The road you choose to follow means the difference in the dance." (D. Morgan) -- Bryan
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badpunkchick
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Re: Sonovabitch
« Reply #19 on: Jun 14th, 2003, 12:14pm » |
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showing anyone the syringe works... i had an er doctor finally prescribe them to me this fall... and just showing my friends and family how to load the statdose pen and stab me with it if i get really bad really has it's own way of explaining how bad they get... my only advice though.... don't trust 'em to load it in an emergency when you don't have a lot of imitrex left... they just end up screwing up thier first time.
hey, does anyone else have a screwy hmo that maked them pay too much for the nasal spray ($25 for 6)... but you can get the statdose system for free.
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Jayne
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Pull my finger!
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Re: Sonovabitch
« Reply #20 on: Jun 14th, 2003, 12:45pm » |
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Did you know you can dismantle the imitrex jabs and make one jab last for about three headaches instead of one...there is a link somewhere to show you how to do that.
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If you haven't laughed today, it's been a wasted day.
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Live4Fun
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Re: Sonovabitch
« Reply #21 on: Jun 14th, 2003, 12:49pm » |
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Yep! Here is the link:
http://www.clusterheadaches.com/imitrex.html
or just press the imitrex tip button on the left
Thanks Jayne!
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"If you hear a different drummer, dreamer take a chance... The road you choose to follow means the difference in the dance." (D. Morgan) -- Bryan
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jonny
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LOL ;D
.............................jonny
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badpunkchick
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Re: Sonovabitch
« Reply #23 on: Jun 14th, 2003, 1:11pm » |
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yeah i've seen it... the problem is that spliting it doesn't help me much... i acctually need all that's in there for mine to go away... i've had a few bad ones that took 2 nasal sprays and an injection to calm down...
oh i though you guys might find this useful... it's what i did with some of my 100mg tablets when i realized they could kill me if i took too many in a one week period.
grind it up into a nice powder. mix a LITTLE of the powder (every one has their own limit... i put 25mg or less in) with a BIG bottle of water... do not drink the whole bottle in one day (i make the bottle last about 4-5 days), but have a glass or two every day you are in a cluster... i don't thing i told my neurologist about this yet, but i'm sure he would NOT aprove... just something i experimented with... althought my dad who's a nurse likes the idea. however i do not sugest using it for ever cluster or everday due to the possibility of building up a tollerance.
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