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Topic: How To Call The Police (Read 300 times) |
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Mark C
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Onward through the fog.
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How To Call The Police
« on: Jun 9th, 2003, 1:23am » |
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George Phillips, of Meridian Mississippi, was going up to bed when his wife
told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could
see from the bedroom window.
When George opened the back door to go turn off the light he, saw that
there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who
asked, "Is someone in your house?" He said no. Then they said that all
patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer
would be along when available.
George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.
"Hello I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my
shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot
them all." Then he hung up.
Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and an
ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence. Of course, the police
caught the burglars red-handed. One of the Policemen said to George: "I
thought you said that you'd shot them!" George said, "I thought you said
there was nobody available!"
(True Story) I LOVE IT...
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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badfly
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Re: How To Call The Police
« Reply #1 on: Jun 9th, 2003, 6:08am » |
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ROFL ... oh that is beautiful! ... ROFL
You made my day Marc ... Thanx
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Live4Fun
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Re: How To Call The Police
« Reply #2 on: Jun 9th, 2003, 9:35am » |
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*ROFLMAO* Very nice! I'll have to remember that one!!! 
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"If you hear a different drummer, dreamer take a chance... The road you choose to follow means the difference in the dance." (D. Morgan) -- Bryan
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brain_cramps
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Re: How To Call The Police
« Reply #3 on: Jun 9th, 2003, 9:37am » |
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Mark:
Its funny how these things get recycled, recirculated, and are as funny as they were the first time. Thanks, I needed a laugh this morning.
Grant
P.S. Here's another recycled one. Not sure if its been on here before. If it has, my apologies.
THINGS TO NEVER SAY TO A COP...
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are you Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?"
You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
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Roxy
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Re: How To Call The Police
« Reply #4 on: Jun 9th, 2003, 10:03am » |
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on Jun 9th, 2003, 9:37am, brain_cramps wrote:| 1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas) |
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This works better if you actually have an extra beer to offer them......  ;D
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Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. (Einstein)
I used to have a handle on life....but it broke.
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echo
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Re: How To Call The Police
« Reply #5 on: Jun 9th, 2003, 10:14am » |
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When the police asks you to roll down the window follow their instruction, stick out your hand and ask "Well, where are they? He'll say something like "What?". Then you state "The doughnuts you fucking idiot!" This is usually good for a free ride.
Or
You can start the conversation asking for "A number 3 combo, coke and biggie size it."
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"If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it".
Proud Dad of a US Marine, and a former Marine turned Police Officer.
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katethecelt
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Re: How To Call The Police
« Reply #6 on: Jun 10th, 2003, 12:22am » |
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I made the mistake of taking a drink of Coke while reading these. Excuse me while I clean off my computer screen.
LMAO, Kate
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Frank
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Re: How To Call The Police
« Reply #7 on: Jun 10th, 2003, 2:28pm » |
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You should never tell your six year-old how to call 9-1-1.
A few years ago my six-year old called 9-1-1 and told them that he was being abused by me. Then he came in the room and told me that the police were on the phone.
The 9-1-1 operator asked what was going on. I told her that my son had said "FUCK YOU DAD"... so I beat his ass and sent him to his room for the rest of the day.
The 9-1-1 operator said she would have done the same thing under the circumstances and told me to have a nice rest of the day.
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juvy
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Misplaced Texan
 
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Re: How To Call The Police
« Reply #8 on: Jun 12th, 2003, 4:46am » |
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Thanks Mark, I really needed a good laugh today. It's been a rough 2 weeks  . It's good to remember to smile occasionally.
Cheers,
~Juvy
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