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colleen
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married to a clusterhead
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new to the board
« on: May 12th, 2003, 6:02pm » |
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hi all,
just thought i would say hi and let everyone know i am new to this. so i am sorry if i mess up. but i wanted to ask a couple of questions. my husband has been having clusters for 3 years and i was wondering if there is anything i can do to help him when he goes into one or just feeling one come on? i sit here and watch him go threw all this pain and i dont know what to do. so if u know of anything please respond thank you
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don
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hi Colleen,
Quote:| ? i sit here and watch him go threw all this pain |
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Thats about all you can do and whats more it's probably what he wants you to do as odd as that may sound.
What you can do is this...............
After the attack rub his neck, give him a hug and tell him how much you empathise with him and how much you love him.
Goes a long way for the sufferer who is feeling guilty about putting his supporter through the anguish.
The suffer has his part to play and that is enduring the pain in any way he/she knows how.
The supporters part is to simply love the sufferer and tell them how much you care. Just recognize and validate your husbands pain.
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| « Last Edit: May 12th, 2003, 6:14pm by don » |
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Spindrift
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Well, speaking as a single man, I'd agree with Don about the during part. I generally just want to be left alone to bang my head against the wall or roam the streets. However AFTER the pain has gone I can think of LOTS OF STUFF you can do to make him feel better.... Oh, yes, many, many things.
SD
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cathy
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Not all those that wander are lost......
  
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Re: new to the board
« Reply #3 on: May 12th, 2003, 6:34pm » |
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Colleen
Nice to meet you, Im a supporter and Don couldn't have put it better!
Welcome to the site.
Cathy 
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My own tears would mean nothing to me, if I could stop you from just shedding one....
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Linda_Howell
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Re: new to the board
« Reply #4 on: May 12th, 2003, 6:52pm » |
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Colleen,
There is a supporters group here run by Margi.
Her, and everyone there will be so glad to help answer any questions and help you out in any way they can.
I'd say your husband is a very lucky man to have a wife who wants so much to help him. Like Don said though most of us WANT to be left alone while in pain. Mainly because it's embarrassing, there's nothing you can do at that time, and because of the quilt of putting you thru this.
You just gotta hang in there hon.
Linda H
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Kindness, is gladdening the hearts of those who are traveling the dark journey with us.
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Roxy
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Re: new to the board
« Reply #5 on: May 12th, 2003, 7:14pm » |
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on May 12th, 2003, 6:52pm, Linda_Howell wrote:| I'd say your husband is a very lucky man to have a wife who wants so much to help him. |
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Ditto what Linda said. Sounds like you have made a great start in wanting to help him by coming here.
Just be there for him, that's all you can do. Ask him what he wants you to do after the attack, but if he's like most of us, we do like to be left alone during the hit.
It is hard for supporters to watch what we go through, in their own way, ya'll go through some tough pain too, just watching our pain.
Tracey
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Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. (Einstein)
I used to have a handle on life....but it broke.
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Miklos
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Re: new to the board
« Reply #6 on: May 12th, 2003, 7:38pm » |
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After 20 years, my wife just sticks her head out the garage door after about 40 minutes and says, "Coming down yet? Anything I can do? How are the ice packs doing?" It's what I need. Then we watch the rest of the rental movie.
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Don't be offended by my frank analysis. Think of it as personality dialysis.
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brain_cramps
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Re: new to the board
« Reply #7 on: May 12th, 2003, 8:01pm » |
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Miklos:
watta girl!!! 
colleen:
that's all you have to know! 
grant 
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| « Last Edit: May 12th, 2003, 8:02pm by brain_cramps » |
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don
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Let me get this straight. you get the CH and she goes into the garage?
If she really wanted to help she could change the oil on that new lawnboy tractor mower while she's out there. 
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| « Last Edit: May 12th, 2003, 8:05pm by don » |
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Miklos
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Re: new to the board
« Reply #9 on: May 12th, 2003, 8:16pm » |
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Actually, it is I who hide in the garage. When things get frenzied, I have a tendency to strip down to the basics. She is only checking to make sure that I have not inadvertantly wandered into the backyard where I might (and have) offended the neighbors.
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Don't be offended by my frank analysis. Think of it as personality dialysis.
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stevegeebe
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Re: new to the board
« Reply #10 on: May 12th, 2003, 8:17pm » |
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That' funny.
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don
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Quote:| make sure that I have not inadvertantly wandered into the backyard where I might (and have) offended the neighbors. |
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Why not on pupose? ;D
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Miklos
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Re: new to the board
« Reply #12 on: May 12th, 2003, 8:51pm » |
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Colleen, my apologies. This is not necessarily where you wanted to go, but it is probably where you need to be when a CH person freaks. You have to find respite where you can. Don provides most of that.
Don, the reason that my wife is concerned is because the last complaint by neighbors was about a person wandering around "imitating" a flasher. Woe is me!
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Don't be offended by my frank analysis. Think of it as personality dialysis.
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Callico
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Re: new to the board
« Reply #13 on: May 13th, 2003, 1:05am » |
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Colleen,
Welcome! You have been given excellent advice. My only additions would be, ASK HIM. Probably he will say to do nothing. Then NOTHING is the right answer. Second would be to leave him alone while he is under attack unless he asks for something. I personally want to be left totally alone because I have to focus my mind totally in order to manage the pain. Distractions cause me to lose control and just make the pain that much worse. After itis over just LOVE him. I can't speak for anyone else on this board, but to me the worst part of this malady is not the pain. The worst part is having to let my family down. Not being able to participate in activities, not being able to work enough to bring in the kind of income needed, not being able to provide the security they need, putting them through the misery of knowing my suffering.
One other very important item: Get him on this board. He will learn what it is he is dealing with and he will find a lot of support from others who KNOW what he is suffering. Not that you cannot support him. You can and you do, but the level of support from another sufferer is just different, much akin to the cameraderie of military personel or police officers.
Didn't mean to write a book. Gotta learn how to be brief. (Unlike Miklos,not IN briefs! ;D )
Wishing him PFDANs and you peace,
jc
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"When He acts on the left, I cannot behold Him; He turns on the right I cannot see Him. But He knows the way that I take; when He has tried me I shall come forth as gold." Job23:9,10
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SommelierCH
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Re: new to the board
« Reply #14 on: May 13th, 2003, 6:47am » |
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Ahhhh…another Angel joins our midst’s. Welcome.
We love supporters!!! I have never seen a Clusterhead during an attack, so I have no idea what you must be going through. When I get hit, I want to block out all light and to be left alone.
Oxygen is cheap and effective.
Stay away from alcohol, during a cycle, unless you “know for sure”!
Since you are here now, hang around,
David J.
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echo
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Re: new to the board
« Reply #15 on: May 13th, 2003, 7:42am » |
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Welcome to the MB Colleen. I cannot add anything of pertinent value to what has been written above.
For me having someone watch over me to ensure that I don't completely distroy myself is a good feeling. The most important to me personally is after the attack. Knowing I haven't distroyed my relationship with family members, and that they understand what I've been through.
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"If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it".
Proud Dad of a US Marine, and a former Marine turned Police Officer.
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TomM
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Re: new to the board
« Reply #16 on: May 13th, 2003, 7:57am » |
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on May 12th, 2003, 6:52pm, Linda_Howell wrote:| Mainly because it's embarrassing, there's nothing you can do at that time, and because of the quilt of putting you thru this. |
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As usual, Linda hit the nail square and hard.
Quote:| The worst part is having to let my family down. Not being able to participate in activities, not being able to work enough to bring in the kind of income needed, not being able to provide the security they need, putting them through the misery of knowing my suffering. |
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This is soooo very true!
The guilt trip for the sufferer is bad and I can only imagine what guilt the supporter knows.
Colleen--you have begun a journey down a good path---that is, you recognize that your hubby needs help. Experience with the beast will dictate how and when you touch him, rub him , cuddle with him  , talk to him and tell him you love him  , leave him alone  or just plain be there quietly  .
Welcome to the family.
TomM
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cootie
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Re: new to the board
« Reply #17 on: May 13th, 2003, 9:07am » |
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Hi Colleen and nice to meet you....I am also a supporter....I got lots of support notches on my belt leme tell ya......we been thru the good, bad and the ugly aspects of it all. I just make sure his meds are 'easily found' and get him what he needs, turn the tv down and close the curtains and I leave the room and let him be which is what he wants. I pick up his scripts and agrue with insurence co's and doctors......it's all ya can do. You'll learn some good tips and tricks on here. Supporter's wall of fame and shame Pam
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Cause and Effect......"Cause is the effect concealed, Effect is the cause revealed"
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suzy617
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Re: new to the board
« Reply #18 on: May 13th, 2003, 9:52am » |
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So Cootie, tell me, do they sell the male version of you anywheres? I want one of them supporters at home.
Suzy
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When God measures men, He puts the tape around the heart, not the head.
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oringkid
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Welcome Colleen! I agree with the above. The most important thing you can do is understand as best you can. Understanding is what we get the least of and need the most I think.
Sherry
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cootie
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sumday I'm gonna be sumbody........ ..
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Re: new to the board
« Reply #20 on: May 13th, 2003, 11:26am » |
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Suzy.....ha-ha....I'd get a sex change but......um....naw. Do they do cloneing yet.....ha-ha-ha......Pam that's no 100% angel
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Cause and Effect......"Cause is the effect concealed, Effect is the cause revealed"
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Woobie
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Re: new to the board
« Reply #21 on: May 13th, 2003, 5:03pm » |
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Hi Colleen
Can't add anything that hasn't already been said.. my man just wants to be left alone,... so, as hard as that is, I do it. I just get his ice and a cup of coffee for him or sumthin. He'll let me know.. usually.
So, welcome to the board.. I learned a lot here, and you will too.
Tina
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Azrael
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Re: new to the board
« Reply #22 on: May 13th, 2003, 11:55pm » |
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Welcome to the board! Sorry that the beast is crushin' your husband's cranium under a 50 ton pile of rusty tacks and shards of broken glass. Welcome to the family! Good luck!
PFDAN................................. Drk^Angel
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SommelierCH
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Re: new to the board
« Reply #23 on: May 14th, 2003, 5:11am » |
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cootie, my dear, dear cootie,
You are a 100% Angel! You really have no choice in this matter. Your time in Alcatraz, has no bearing here.
Suzy517,
Pam IS, now offering a male version of herself, it is me. I will try to emulate Pam, to the best of my abilities. If I fail, you can spank me.
David J.
P.S. West Coast only.
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ccbiggsoo7
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Re: new to the board
« Reply #24 on: May 14th, 2003, 8:21am » |
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Colleen, get him to a neurologist that deals with c/h get him some imitrex injections or some oxygen. That is the biggest favor you can do right now.
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chris
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