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Topic: Ever wonder "why me???"" (Read 734 times) |
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Randn918
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Ever wonder "why me???""
« on: Apr 17th, 2003, 2:28am » |
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I am fairly new to this board, but coming to rely on it rather quickly! I have had clusters for about 8 years and they have'nt changed pattern very much until this year. It scared me because the first thing I thought was "oh God, here I go chronic". Anyway, you guys are a special group of people. I think we all are. Think of the strength it takes to deal with this pain year after year. But I still can't help wonder "why me" I have been blessed in so many ways. I'm successful, my wife is a busy physician, we have a great marriage and a beautiful two year old daughter, but this cycle is really doing a number on me mentally. It's leaving me full of .....Questions!
1. Is this a trial from GOD to make me stronger?
2. Why do I feel guilty for avoiding playing with my little girl because I'm afraid it will set off a cluster.
3. I know that this cycle has put me into depression, should I ignore it or add another med. to the list.
4. Are there any older Cheads out there, do these things go away after 60? 
5. Am I imagining it, or is my carotid artery actually sore?
6. What can I do to get me through one more night?
7. OK, can I take the Prednisone just one more time or will it kill me or something?
Anyway, I'm just rambling trying to wear myself out.
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Mark C
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Re: Ever wonder "why me???""
« Reply #1 on: Apr 17th, 2003, 3:00am » |
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on Apr 17th, 2003, 2:28am, Randn918 wrote:1. Is this a trial from GOD to make me stronger?
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No.
on Apr 17th, 2003, 2:28am, Randn918 wrote:| 2. Why do I feel guilty for avoiding playing with my little girl because I'm afraid it will set off a cluster. |
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Because you are human, get over it.
on Apr 17th, 2003, 2:28am, Randn918 wrote:| 3. I know that this cycle has put me into depression, should I ignore it or add another med. to the list. |
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Maybe....see your doctor. You wouldnt be the first!
on Apr 17th, 2003, 2:28am, Randn918 wrote:4. Are there any older Cheads out there, do these things go away after 60?
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Charlie!
on Apr 17th, 2003, 2:28am, Randn918 wrote:| 5. Am I imagining it, or is my carotid artery actually sore? |
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I would say a little of both.
on Apr 17th, 2003, 2:28am, Randn918 wrote:| 6. What can I do to get me through one more night? |
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This is a tough one.....post to the MB as long as you can and wait for morning. Sometimes my choices seem to be limited.
on Apr 17th, 2003, 2:28am, Randn918 wrote:| 7. OK, can I take the Prednisone just one more time or will it kill me or something? |
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I doubt it will kill you but people around me are in danger when I am taking it!
Hang in there brother, it will get better. It may get worse first....but it will get better. Come here and vent as much as you need, we are here. Good Luck.
PFDAN's
Mark
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suzy617
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Re: Ever wonder "why me???""
« Reply #2 on: Apr 17th, 2003, 5:56am » |
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Hi Randn,
Sorry your being hit again. Dont fear that you are going chronic, the beast will change his schedule from time to time with most but hopefully it will leave as quick as it came back.
Most people during cycle do become paranoid about doing certain everyday things in life for fear of setting it off. Try to enjoy your daughter as you have before, maybe instead of pain you will find enjoyment.
Hang in there,
suzy
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TomM
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Re: Ever wonder "why me???""
« Reply #3 on: Apr 17th, 2003, 6:42am » |
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RandN918--You are not alone. Many of us get depressed during cylces but we turn to this board where you will find support and understanding. Do not feel guilty for not playing with your daughter or spending fun time with your wife. Are you Catholic, per chance? IMHO, avoid using more meds for the depression but rather find solace in his board and refer to it frequently.
Quote:| 6. What can I do to get me through one more night? |
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Picture you beutiful wife and adorable daughter! Know that someone is here @ CH.com 24/7/365...  Keep reminding youyrself that this cycle will end. Say it outloud again and again.
Regarding your meds..talk to your doc. Prednisone does not kill it merely depletes your bone density if over used and causes bad reactions if stopped suddenly.
Stick around and post frequently.
TomM
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Wendy1
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Re: Ever wonder "why me???""
« Reply #4 on: Apr 17th, 2003, 6:59am » |
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Do I ever wonder why me!!!! I used to, now I've come to accept it. It's only been in the last few cycles that I've sort of come out of my shell and given myself the support that I need.
I try hard not to feel guilty about my h/a, after all, I did not ask for them, and I'm the one enduring the pain. When my girls were little (now 14 and 12) I did my best not to involve them. They are older now and understand I have h/a, and we deal with them and they WILL go away. We all work together to just get through them.
My advice.... Read these message boards as much as you can, try e/thing and don't give up hope. During a cycle you feel you may be going chronic, because you think they will never end. PRAY for God's comfort and we will pray for you.
None of us have the answer to why me, and we've given up trying to figure that one out, so let that one go. Concentrate on YOURSELF!!! and getting better.
Hoping and praying for relief for you!!!
Wendy
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cheyenne
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Re: Ever wonder "why me???""
« Reply #5 on: Apr 17th, 2003, 8:44am » |
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I just joined this support group this morning. I've had cluster headaches for 8 weeks and I am having one now (the tail end). It's nice to know I'm not the only person out there going through this sh*t. I haven't made it to work in a week and my social life has dropped. I can't handle this pain. I am going to see the doctor again today and I hope there is something he can do. I've started Lithum 5 days ago but it doesn't seem to have helped. Sometimes a heating pad on my head helps. I have them every night and I can't take it any more. If God is testing us - then I've f flunked because I can't go on like this!
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kissmyglass
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Re: Ever wonder "why me???""
« Reply #6 on: Apr 17th, 2003, 9:23am » |
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Physcian wife = free Imitrex samples 
Seriously, hang in there...we know how you feel...
Kev
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TomM
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Re: Ever wonder "why me???""
« Reply #7 on: Apr 17th, 2003, 9:39am » |
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on Apr 17th, 2003, 8:44am, cheyenne wrote:| ...It's nice to know I'm not the only person out there going through this sh*t....If God is testing us - then I've f flunked because I can't go on like this! ... |
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You will survive. You can survive. You must. I said so!
TomM
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jonny
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Re: Ever wonder "why me???""
« Reply #8 on: Apr 17th, 2003, 11:00am » |
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on Apr 17th, 2003, 6:59am, Wendy1 wrote:| Do I ever wonder why me!!!! I used to, now I've come to accept it. |
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BINGO!!!!!...The "Why me" chant went out the window around year 20.
The "Go away" and "It will end" chants still live on, sometimes I throw in a MF'er or two.
Hang in there, Dude...it always ends!!!
.............................jonny
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tanner
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Re: Ever wonder "why me???""
« Reply #9 on: Apr 17th, 2003, 11:44am » |
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iv'e got the answer to the "why me"
cuz i'd rather it be me than anyone else i care about ya know......
sorry your havin such a bad time just now....same here!
i will make you a deal though..you make it and so will i and together we can send alot of positive reinforcment to the great group here!!
be strong, tim
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JDH
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Re: Ever wonder "why me???""
« Reply #10 on: Apr 17th, 2003, 12:02pm » |
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on Apr 17th, 2003, 11:44am, tanner wrote:iv'e got the answer to the "why me"
cuz i'd rather it be me than anyone else i care about ya know...... |
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Good answer Tim, that's exactly the way I feel about it.
I would rather take whatever is coming my way than to have anyone else I care about go through this b.s.
The "why me?" thing is not even an an issue with me. The bottom line is that it IS me and there's not a damn thing I can do about it so why even trip on it.
Good luck to you, hang tough and hope you get some relief soon...it will end!
Jim
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Jill
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Re: Ever wonder "why me???""
« Reply #11 on: Apr 17th, 2003, 3:33pm » |
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on Apr 17th, 2003, 2:28am, Randn918 wrote:
Every damn day that questions pops into my head. Every damn time that I am forced to dance with the beast I wonder why me. Every morning when I wake up in pain and am forced to live another day with this beast I wonder why me. Every damn time that I fall asleep just to wake up with a full blown attack I wonder why me. Every damn time that I have to go to the emergency room for help I wonder why me.
I am chronic - so that questions comes to mind seven days a week, atleast eight times a day for the last fourteen months.
All I can tell you is to be thankful that you know that your cycle will end in time and that when it does end, your life can go back to normal until the next bout comes along which if you are very lucky will be years.
Jill
Sorry for how bad this sounds - bad week with my doctor literally taking my pain meds away from me and I do mean taking them and dumping them. 
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echo
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Re: Ever wonder "why me???""
« Reply #12 on: Apr 17th, 2003, 4:23pm » |
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I used to wonder "Why Me?" Now I wonder "If not me who?" Would it be my brothers, my children, my wife? I would rather it be me that any of them. There are a few that I wish could experience just one so they would truly have a clue as to how bad they are.
Hang in there. In the back of your mind remember that they will come to an end -- sometime. Might be a short reprieve but hopefully a long one.
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jonny
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Re: Ever wonder "why me???""
« Reply #13 on: Apr 17th, 2003, 4:27pm » |
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on Apr 17th, 2003, 4:23pm, echo wrote: There are a few that I wish could experience just one
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I knew that was you sending me your extra CH's you bastard!!!.......LMAO ;D
..............................jonny
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Roxy
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Re: Ever wonder "why me???""
« Reply #14 on: Apr 17th, 2003, 4:47pm » |
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If I have ever had the thought "Why me?" I don't remember it, because it was probably in the middle of a really spectactular hit. I spent the first couple of months after getting ch's just wondering WTF the damn things were, and worrying about what was causing them. When I was finally reassured that whatever they were (at this point, still no diagnosis) weren't fatal, then I just assumed that sooner or later we would find something to stop them.
When I get worn down with them and tired of the whole thing, (and I know this is going to sound very Pollyanna-ish), I just remind myself that they aren't life threatening, and there are so many things which could be so much worse. The main thought is my head is that.....the attack will end, and life will go on.
If I ever did think "Why me?" Well, I think echo said it best.
on Apr 17th, 2003, 4:23pm, echo wrote:| "If not me who?" Would it be my brothers, my children, my wife? I would rather it be me that any of them. |
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Except for the 'wife' part. Just change that to hubby!
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echo
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Re: Ever wonder "why me???""
« Reply #15 on: Apr 17th, 2003, 4:48pm » |
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on Apr 17th, 2003, 4:27pm, jonny wrote:
I knew that was you sending me your extra CH's you bastard!!!.......LMAO ;D
..............................jonny
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Hey! Mom told me to always share with my brothers. LOL ;D ;D
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jonny
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Re: Ever wonder "why me???""
« Reply #16 on: Apr 17th, 2003, 4:54pm » |
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on Apr 17th, 2003, 4:48pm, echo wrote:
Hey! Mom told me to always share with my brothers. LOL ;D ;D |
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Seems we had Mom's alike, I'll be right over with my Aid's.....LOL ;D
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Re: Ever wonder "why me???""
« Reply #17 on: Apr 17th, 2003, 5:14pm » |
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on Apr 17th, 2003, 12:02pm, JDH wrote:| The "why me?" thing is not even an an issue with me. The bottom line is that it IS me and there's not a damn thing I can do about it so why even trip on it. |
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couldn't have put it better, Jim
grant
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don
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Re: Ever wonder "why me???""
« Reply #18 on: Apr 17th, 2003, 8:06pm » |
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Probably during the first five years of the last 2 1/2 decades of these things. Then I realized that the energy put in to the WHY MEs was better spent on treating the damn things.
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fubar
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Re: Ever wonder "why me???""
« Reply #19 on: Apr 17th, 2003, 9:01pm » |
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Why Me?
Why ask? It is what it is. You want to hear something stupidly profound? This life is not a rehearsal. No matter what you believe about religion and reincarnation or not, this particular life on Earth is a one shot deal. As such, why bother lamenting the trials and tribulations we all have to go through. Man, in the last 5 years, I’ve had more deaths among my close circle of friends (all but one), the tax man basically owning my ass, my wife left me cause she can’t deal with CH (plus, she’s a dysfunctional alcoholic… 15 years of fun, let me tell you)… more crap than a person should ever have to deal with. I thought having CH episodes a couple times a year was a drag… now I’m into month 14 of the last ‘episode’. Do I waste my time asking why this is all happening? Screw that. I’d rather prove to myself that nothing short of a bullet in the head is going to take me down. Depressed? You bet, sometimes. Defeated? No fuckin way.
I’d rather spend my time bitching about HMO’s and ignorant doctors. Spend my energy on making sure I have the support system I need. Spend my PF time trying to make my kids believe that, no matter what, at the end of the day, you are the only person who can make yourself happy, and that has little or nothing to do with anything but your attitude.
-Fu
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don
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Re: Ever wonder "why me???""
« Reply #20 on: Apr 17th, 2003, 9:21pm » |
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FUCKENEH FUBAR !
FUCKENEH
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cluster0557
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Re: Ever wonder "why me???""
« Reply #21 on: Apr 17th, 2003, 9:32pm » |
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Why me !!!
Hell does anyone of us know why we have been blessed with the appearence of the beast in our lives. I sure as hell don't know why it came into mine.
I will say life sucks, then you die. Some b.s. saying I picked up when in the USMC. (otherwise know as the suck)
Why me is just plain FUBAR......
I am gratefull it is me and not my wife or my daughters.
So in a way why me is good. Let them have the migraines they have. Push any damn cluster vibes that may head their way straight to me. Yes it sucks but one thing it has done for many of us is made us more compassionate and caring for others.
My nickels worth of thought on the matter.
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Pain is Inevitable, Suffering is Optional
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Mastifflvr28
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Re: Ever wonder "why me???""
« Reply #22 on: Apr 17th, 2003, 10:07pm » |
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good one roxyianna
I'm a weany clusterhead...only once a year for about 4 months...I have my magic bullets...I'm LUCKY. I don't have any other health problems, so I consider myself lucky just to have episodic clusters.
Instead of "why me?", I ask..."why my friends?"
These people here are the neatest people in the world...why THEM??
Mast
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Callico
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Re: Ever wonder "why me???""
« Reply #23 on: Apr 18th, 2003, 12:40am » |
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Why Me? Good question. I was episodic for 25 yrs, but chronic now since March of 02. My question changed though when I lost a close friend to cancer of the bone. The agony of that is as close to CH as I have ever seen. In the last three years I have lost three other friends to cancer who were in their 30s and 40s. A very good friend of our family is in the later stages of MS, yet I see her in church every Sunday morning. (She is no longer able to make the evening services.) She never fails to have a smile on her face although she is in constant pain and is having trouble with the most basic of functions. She spends her time when unable to be in church praying for those of us she thinks of as being "sick", and I am grateful to be one she prays for.
Every time I see Arlene I thank God that what I have won't kill me even though sometimes I wish it would or even that I could help it.
Is God testing me to make me stronger? Another good question. Answer: No! God sometimes allows things into our lives for various purposes that we cannot see, but not as a test. One thing this has done for me is to develope compassion for others who are hurting from whatever source. If you are a believer I would recommend the book of Job to you. I have adopted a couple of verses that are a comfort to me.
I didn't mean to write a book! I'm praying for PFDANs for you soon.
jc
PS Don't avoid your daughter. There are times you cannot handle it with her there, but in the other times treasure her. Your time with her is brief, enjoy it to the best you can. (I give mine away May 24 )
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SommelierCH
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Re: Ever wonder "why me???""
« Reply #24 on: Apr 18th, 2003, 10:30am » |
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The thought of “Why me” has hit me, but only when my last cycle ended 12/29/02.
Why do I get to escape. “Why me?”.
I wish I could give some of my pain free days and nights, to someone like Jill or Roxy!!!!
This board is the great equalizer. No matter how bad I felt, it was ALWAYS overshadowed by the pain felt by others on this board.
Stay strong,
David J.
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