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Uh oh
« on: Mar 18th, 2003, 7:56am »
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I'm sorry to report you now have to read more bullshit headlines from NL:
 
Study finds exposure to violence on TV can lead kids to become more violent as adults; exposure to "Designing for the Sexes" can lead kids to become gay interior decorators  
 
Elizabeth Smart's kidnapper allegedly wanted wives; "He didn't need to kidnap anyone... I would gladly have given him mine," snorts New Jersey man  
 
Saddam proclaims that his troops are ready to fight the US "anywhere in the world"; "although we'd prefer it not be in Iraq," admits Iraqi private sitting in trench near border  
 
Spring break not curbed by war, economy; some partygoers still report widespread fear of "fat chicks"  
 
Male Sweat may brighten women's moods; "I'm glad she's happy," sneers Florida husband mowing the lawn  
 
Children who equate happiness with money, beauty or fame are more likely to suffer from depression; "unless they're fabulously wealthy, famous and good-looking like us," beam remarkably upbeat Olsen twins  
 
Contraceptive sponge going back on the markets; Contraceptive mop still outlawed  
 
Century-long dry spell linked to Mayans' demise; "that's a long time to go without being laid," commiserates New York City man with absolutely no idea about how food makes its way from the earth to a restaurant  
 
Universe may be shaped like a donut; Scientists warn that we keep Al Roker away from it  
 
350,000-year-old footprints found; "They appear to be Bruno Mali," says OJ Simpson, investigating a bizarre new angle in his continuing search for the real killer  
 
Tell-it-like-it-is CD-ROM teaches college students the effects of alcohol; "looks like there's a lot more dancing, laughing and sex than when you're sober" says impressed freshman
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