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Topic: In the news (Read 202 times) |
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Ted
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In the news
« on: Mar 4th, 2003, 12:11am » |
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From National Lampoon, of course. And like always, some are lame and some are good:
Iraq agrees to destroy missiles; "what say we blow them up over Kuwait," chuckles Saddam Hussein
Underage teens drink nearly 20% of the alcohol consumed in the US; Other 80% consumed by Yankee pitcher David Wells
Cost of the common cold to US economy put at $40 billion; Alarmed by the news, Bush vows to declare war on Iraq
Carrie-Anne Moss of "the Matrix" is expecting her first baby; delivery expected to be in super slow motion "bullet time" and marred by presence of anti-virus killer software 'bots
The "Lysistrata Project" asks women to withhold sex if there is a war; "And that will change my sex life exactly how?" wonders married New Jersey man
Dionne Warwick claims she was framed when authorities found marijuana in her bag; "Oh yes, it happens all the time," nods OJ Simpson sympathetically
NASA experts debated shuttle risks for over five days; Scientist who predicted it would blow up after troubles with the left wing wins $25 pool
Whole grain breakfast cereals cut heart disease by 20%; "What about Captain Crunch?" asks Italian-American man living in mother's basement
Hooters to start own airline; "Our organization has a long history of defying gravity," says spokesman with Double D breasts and no bra
Airline security to assign color code to passengers; "White and Yellow are considered low threats," states official, "Brown people will be immediately searched"
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