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Topic: sorry... grasping for straws (Read 427 times) |
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tanner
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sorry... grasping for straws
« on: Feb 15th, 2003, 4:36pm » |
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what follows is i am sure going to be a lot of self indulgent crap and feeling sorry for myself but i need to vent and i can't think of anywhere else to do it.
it's 4:20 pm here and i am in between attacks, something like 7 or 8 so far today all reaching ten and the in betweens are no better than 3s but mostly 4s. this is the third day in a row of this kind of cycle. my o2 is having no effect and i im worried that maybe i am using too much. i have always had an unusual pattern of attacks in how early in the day they start but this is unbelievable. i am waking up in the morning with heavy shadow and moving to full blown by 10:00 or so. i have just been to my new doc last week and agreed that until i get a fresh set of labs or another liver biopsy that there is nothing new and exciting enough to try right now except the o2 and water. i am very much afraid that unless something breaks that i am that i am not going to make it. i spent most of the last couple of days trying to push my wife and love of 31years away so that she won't go down with me. she doesn't understand why i am doing it and it's hurting the hell out of her. i have been reading the posts throughout this whole period and wondering how everyone else is able to maintain. it's all i can do to focus enough to read. i can't figure out what to do. i don't think i can deal with this for another god only knows how long.
ok, thats all i can manage for now...sorry again
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BobG
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Re: sorry... grasping for straws
« Reply #1 on: Feb 15th, 2003, 4:54pm » |
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You don't have to be sorry for hurting and saying so on this board. That's one of the reasons it's here. Go ahead and scream!
As for your wife.........You probably already have but I have to ask.......have you explained the pain to her during a time when you are NOT being attacked? Explained to her that it is NOT her fault?
Maybe she can join this group. At the Supporters Corner there are many wonderful people that may be able to help her understand your pain.
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Roxy
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Re: sorry... grasping for straws
« Reply #2 on: Feb 15th, 2003, 5:10pm » |
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tanner....listen up!
You can endure this, and you will make it through this. The last couple of weeks, I've been going through the same thing. 02's not working, no trex...it's just kinda a bad place to be, but, it will get better. Don't expect yourself to maintain....just grit your teeth and endure.
Listen to BobG, you need to explain this to your wife, and she will understand. Bring her to the board and let her read. This might make a world of difference in your getting through this period.
Have you tried any of the non-med ideas for aborting? It might be worth looking into....I know I've gone through the whole list. It sure won't hurt anything to try. Frozen peas to the head, or if heat works for you...a hot shower. I crank the music up full blast and try to drown it out.
Mine are down to about every 4 hrs., so, I know that it does get better...unfortunately, you just never know when. Just remember that it will.
Tracey
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Linda_Howell
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Re: sorry... grasping for straws
« Reply #3 on: Feb 15th, 2003, 5:41pm » |
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Tanner,
I don't know what I can add to what has already been suggested. Try the hot/cold thing. Try vigerous excersize.
When one of us gives up or gives in, it affects us all.
We are the sum of our parts and you are one of them, so keep on fighting, as we all have to do, and do it for US.
Do it for your wonderful wife. Do it for yourself.
As a very wise supporter here always says.....
"Grab the rope and hang on. When you run outta that, we'll throw you more" (Or words to that effect)
LindaH
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cbolony
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Re: sorry... grasping for straws
« Reply #4 on: Feb 15th, 2003, 6:08pm » |
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tanner i know how you feel i had 3 cycles since june,
in one now going on my six week.the first 3 wks were
real MF.my arm was black and blue from hitting the imitrex.i also get a lot of shadows and hate even going to sleep because i know i will be up a hour or two getting hit.it took my wife two years to under stand
what i was going threw she thought it was all in my mind.i wanted to kill her.but she knows better today
and reads a lot about ch.tanner better days are coming
hang in there it will pass.
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domm
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Re: sorry... grasping for straws
« Reply #5 on: Feb 15th, 2003, 6:23pm » |
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tanner - vent away. There are other methods, all mentioned before and I know you've read about them. Try them. What have you got to lose?
This will come to an end and you need to know that I care.
Let me know if there's something I can do to help. Click on my name and email me.
Hang tough
domm
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TomM
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Re: sorry... grasping for straws
« Reply #6 on: Feb 15th, 2003, 6:24pm » |
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Tanner--you are alowed to vent, rant, curse, scream, or do whatever you want on this board. Why? Because we understand.
Do NOT give up. Nothing pains me more than to read someone is ready to cash in. NEVER give up!
No need to apologize to us.
TomM
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Ann
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Re: sorry... grasping for straws
« Reply #7 on: Feb 15th, 2003, 6:36pm » |
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Tanner,
God do I know where you are at right now!! I was reading your post and it brought me right back to where I was just a few months ago. I had tears in my eyes reading your words because they are the exact way I was feeling...but unlike you, I never voiced them! Please try anything that you think will work and remember, they will go away. I know it doesn't seem like it right now..but they do! Honest.... I wouldn't lie. I'm begging you to please explain everything to your wife. Explain why you are pushing her away, explain your thought process to her. She needs to know what you are living with and how you are feeling mentally. Ask her to come to this site and get as much information as possible so she will be better equipped to help you. Do not shut her out...she deserves better!
If you feel the need again...vent away, that's why we're here!
hugs
Ann
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Mark C
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Re: sorry... grasping for straws
« Reply #8 on: Feb 15th, 2003, 9:08pm » |
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Fuckenh Roxy!
Fight....never give up....never quit!
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JDH
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Re: sorry... grasping for straws
« Reply #10 on: Feb 15th, 2003, 9:32pm » |
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Sorry to hear your going through a rough time Tanner but you gotta believe it's gonna get better. Hopefully you're at the peak of your cycle and the 10's are close to being over. Vent all you want man, I think we all have at one time or another, it helps. Thank god we have this place to do it.
PFDAN's to you.
Jim
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jim526
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Re: sorry... grasping for straws
« Reply #11 on: Feb 15th, 2003, 9:44pm » |
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I am sorry to hear you going through so much pain,i do to & the only relief i get is when i take indocin 3 times a day & when i feel it comming on i take hydrocodone/apap7.5/500.. it does relieve it within 20 min. bad part is i never know when its going to hit. i now carry my meds wherever i go. i sometimes feel like a junky, but if it works great. i had a cat scan done & all is normal. i just wish someone can tell me where these come from. I also know that when i do get one i stick my head out the window for fresh air. doctor was going to get o2 for me but insurance said i didnt need it because my o2 level is good in my blood stream. i hope & pray i can get rid of these soon & get back to a normal life. God bless you all.
jimpasharp@aol.com
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Charlie
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Re: sorry... grasping for straws
« Reply #12 on: Feb 15th, 2003, 10:42pm » |
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Hate what this thing can do to people.......
Here are two things for you if you haven't used it or forgotten. This is for your wife. It might help:
http://www.ouch-uk.org/ch/note_colleagues.cfm
This thing is the technique I post all the time. Give it another shot, stick around and rant. It's another way to beat the walls and scream.
Dr. Wright's Circulatory Technique
This is not transcendental meditation, imagery, relaxation, or anything psychic. It's entirely physical and takes a lot of work and concentration. Give this method a good workout. It’s not a miracle, but it’s been helpful to many.
When I was diagnosed, my neurologist said to treat this as a vascular problem. I was told to concentrate on “redirecting” blood circulation in order to retard flow to the head. This is done by trying to “send” blood into the arms and hands or other extremities. When properly done, your hands will become warm and redder with increased circulation. I also found it easier to concentrate on one hand.
This relieves just slightly, the pressure on the affected vessel, which indirectly causes our pain. We all have this ability but it can be exhausting. I was often able shorten my attacks from about half an hour to no more than a few minutes. Sometimes, when awake, I could entirely abort the attack IF I KEPT AT IT. Often, I would suffer only minor discomfort instead of excruciating pain. Do not stop just because your hands are warm or redder. Keep this up until you are sure it's subsided. If you let up or lose concentration, it’s very hard to restart this process. It may take some time but when this works, the relief is almost immediate.
I learned this from the doctor in a few minutes. He simply told me to try to keep blood away from the head. He thought it easiest to concentrate on the arms and hands but any place that works for you is fine. He said to think of it as "filling your hands" with redirected blood. It’s important to keep at it THROUGH the pain. This will be difficult, but it’s the only way this technique will work. Don’t let up until you are sure the attack has ended.
This will not always work, but I think it will always have at least some effect on the severity and duration of the attacks. It can be useful between medications or while waiting for some other drug to take effect. All it takes is a little practice. It was fairly easy to learn and what I'm writing here is more than I got from the doctor, as I've drawn from my own experience.
When awakened in horrible pain, it’s very hard to focus, but I think it’s always worth a try. This costs nothing but hard work, is harmless, non-invasive, and it gives us a fighting chance.
I wish you the best of luck - Charlie Strand
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Jarvis
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Re: sorry... grasping for straws
« Reply #13 on: Feb 15th, 2003, 11:12pm » |
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Tanner as you know this too will pass. I have spent too many days, weeks, months and years in the shoes that you walk in. I know that nothing I can say will ease the pain that you recieve in these days and nights. they flow together. when in pain you wait for it to end, when it ends you wait for it to begin. . God what a way to face the day.... .... Your wife understands. Though I dont know you or her I do know where your at. All I can suggest is the brief moments that are pain free you must rest if you can, walk in the sun when it shines, feel the snow or the rain when it comes and smell the breezes that bring us life. Give your wife a hug and it will provide some comfort for the both of you. Surviving the battles is never easy but we do. ........... Roxy and Jim hang tough too. ....My hardened heart goes out to you all. ........mj...
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cootie
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Re: sorry... grasping for straws
« Reply #14 on: Feb 15th, 2003, 11:55pm » |
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tanner......I am so sorry you have to go thru all this.....yer a tough breed.....hang in there.....you will be able to help others cope also goin thru what you are on here....I hope this cycle ends soon for you and you can be PF.......Pam
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tanner
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Re: sorry... grasping for straws
« Reply #15 on: Feb 16th, 2003, 7:57am » |
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hi to all, its 8:00am sunday morning and i am here to see another day. i want to thank everyone, not only those who posted but those that read and didn't bash me for being a baby. i / we got up and read the replys, followed the links and are just a little bit better for it. i think that even though lin has been with me through all these years she is still surprised and enlightend by much of the shared knowledge and emotions in this place. i hope that she will join this group and ouch as i have and start to communicate her own feelings.
while we were sleeping this morning the gods have smiled and are dumping copious amounts of white stuff all over the region so we are both going to go out and run around and try not to sit here and watch the clock waiting for "kickoff time"!
thank you all for your support,understanding and suggestions. i love you all and i will try to be there when you have need..... tim
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hempgrl
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Re: sorry... grasping for straws
« Reply #16 on: Feb 16th, 2003, 8:07am » |
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hey.......VENT SCREAM KICK or CRY................do whatever you need to do my friend ...........and know there is someone out there pulling for u ;D
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Ann
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Re: sorry... grasping for straws
« Reply #17 on: Feb 16th, 2003, 8:23am » |
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Excellent news Tanner!! Now go out there and enjoy the day. It'll make everything a lot easier to handle!
big hug to you both
Ann
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suzy617
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Re: sorry... grasping for straws
« Reply #18 on: Feb 16th, 2003, 8:47am » |
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Tanner,
Sorry your being beat up so bad. As the others have said, Dont give up, never give up. PF is just around the corner, hang in there my friend.
Now go out and enjoy that white stuff. Can ya make me a snowman? 
suzy
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| « Last Edit: Feb 16th, 2003, 1:32pm by suzy617 » |
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BobG
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Re: sorry... grasping for straws
« Reply #19 on: Feb 16th, 2003, 11:17am » |
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Send me a snowman too.
It'll look great in the yard next to the cacti 
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tanner
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Re: sorry... grasping for straws
« Reply #20 on: Feb 16th, 2003, 1:21pm » |
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hey suzy and bob... i couldn't do the snowman but we did make ya both an awesome snow angel!!!
we made a special angel for ann and all friends north of the border... or are we south of the border... hmmm
were goin back out after lunch and making some for the kiwi's, and our true friends the brits, god bless em! and we will throw one in for norway and anywhere else we can think of.
oh yeah, one for italy... ;D
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I AM THE MASTER OF MY MIND, MY BODY, AND MY EMOTIONS...
it's just my head that sucks...http://www.centerforlit.com/
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jonny
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Re: sorry... grasping for straws
« Reply #21 on: Feb 16th, 2003, 1:28pm » |
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Quote:| oh yeah, one for italy... ;D |
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Thanks for not forgetting us Wop's ;D
Have a great time, sounds like so far so good.
................................jonny
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| « Last Edit: Feb 16th, 2003, 1:30pm by jonny » |
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Ann
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Re: sorry... grasping for straws
« Reply #22 on: Feb 17th, 2003, 8:08am » |
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You made a snow angel for me? Is that ever sweet! You know, my Mom in her younger days use to party pretty hard and she would go out and make snow angel naked!! hehe Crazy Canucks..they'll do anything for a thrill! You guys might want to try that....if'n you're feeling kinky! LMAO ;D
hugs
Ann
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Ree
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Re: sorry... grasping for straws
« Reply #23 on: Feb 17th, 2003, 2:07pm » |
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Tannner don't ever feel bad about bringing it to the board when you are hurting beyond the realm of acceptance... Our families have all endured this anguish and you will too... thats what we are here for... Dave said he would love to talk to you if you want to call email me at Ree16angel@aol.com and we will give you our phone number if you ever ever get desperate dont hesitate...(((I'm proud of Dave too now he wants to support after meeting a few CHers he is gung ho...now if we could only get him to type...lol) Or you can get your wife to email me or call me I am so willing to talk to her...
Roxy you are the bomb... thanks for becoming the supporter that you have.... great...
Linda H... knows from experience too Tanner so listen to her she has great advice... love to you all be well Ree
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jonny
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Re: sorry... grasping for straws
« Reply #24 on: Feb 17th, 2003, 4:24pm » |
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on Feb 17th, 2003, 2:07pm, Ree wrote:| (((I'm proud of Dave too now he wants to support after meeting a few CHers he is gung ho...now if we could only get him to type...lol) |
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Type you wimp.....LMAO ;D
If I can hunt and peck anyone can......LOL
...........................jonny
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