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Topic: My CCH's are killing my marriage (Read 1058 times) |
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athos
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My CCH's are killing my marriage
« on: Feb 2nd, 2003, 3:50am » |
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My cycles have been the worst that they have been in years... 3 a day 4-5 a week for the past month abnormal..... My wife is tired of me not being able to do anything.. I can't work... and today she said basically tough Shit (she usually does not swear)... do the dishes You are going to hurt whether you are doing the dishes or not. This while I was in the middle of a cycle.... Lately there are not many times that I am not in one.
She has been short tempered with me. I have no energy to do anything.. And she act like Oh you have another headache and here we go again... It is like she has snapped...
I guess it would be hard to deal with... on the other end, I am not sure what to do...
we have 5 kids... she was married before and brought 3 into the marriage and we have had 2 since... Since we have been married and even a little before... my health has been diteriating, CCH being one of the major. Our relationship has been steadliy getting worse... Seperation/Divorse has been talked about... Scary thing.
I wish I were a more healthy person, but I am not. It takes all of my energy just to fight the beast, but she does not understand that.
I am in a bad situation that is getting worse.....
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Re: My CCH's are killing my marriage
« Reply #1 on: Feb 2nd, 2003, 7:07am » |
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Athos, I feel for you. Not getting the support you need is bad, being snapped at for hurting is worse.
It may seem obvious, but have you tried pointing her at the board? Let her read some of the women's stories, they may convince her better than a man's.
Also, she may need some support to become a good supporter. Point her at the supporters' message board.
Let her read the OUCH site, check out the cluster resources there. who knows.
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Karla
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Re: My CCH's are killing my marriage
« Reply #2 on: Feb 2nd, 2003, 8:02am » |
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I will second that getting her involved in the message board as a supporter may help her and inadvertadly help you. My husband used to yell at me all the time whenever I would get a headache. Thought I was just wimping out and scamming to get out of household duties. When he came to the board there were other supporters that talked to him and made him realize just what I was going through and just what he could do to help etc. It was the best decision I made in my life to bring him here. He is now my number one supporter and the best in the world and our marriage doesn't suffer any more. I will pray things go better for your marriage.
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Karla
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das
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Re: My CCH's are killing my marriage
« Reply #3 on: Feb 2nd, 2003, 9:05am » |
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Unless you have CHs you cannot possibly understand them. All you can do is try. When I first started getting mine, I was about 20 years old (now I'm 31). Some of my friends thought I was trying to get attention. I almost killed them. I would say that the biggest, or one of the biggest problems us CH sufferrers have is lack of understanding from normal folks. It can be very hard when people just look at you and say it's just a headache, deal with it.
Anyway, on another but related topic I have pretty much been in remission for over a year now due in large part (I think) to mushrooms. As soon as I start getting shadows, I dose a very small amount, not even enough to feel the effects. Seems to work.
I used to be on all them meds and just got fed up and tried the shrooms and it worked. BTW, I believe I am chronic because I will get shadows or mild Clusters any and all the time. No episodes... I've been chronic and episodic on and off for the last 6-7 years. I started episodic and now the beast resides permanently, although the shroomies seem to push it into hibernation.
For all those who don't understand learn and for all those who don't want to understand, may you be stricken with CHs. Ignorant bastards.
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2late
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Re: My CCH's are killing my marriage
« Reply #4 on: Feb 2nd, 2003, 9:24am » |
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this is one of the worst things about CH, ignorant people, my boss is one of 'em, glad my wife is not. take the advice above & try to get her involved, if she won't meet you halfway, i'd say dump her of course i don't know your whole situation but marriage is all about support & she's not holdin' up her end. having 5 kids is a problem with a divorce also. good luck to ya & i hope she comes around! .........2late
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jonny
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Re: My CCH's are killing my marriage
« Reply #5 on: Feb 2nd, 2003, 10:49am » |
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Do the damn dishes, Christ. it aint like your in pain 24/7
Im damn chronic and I run my own company, you wouldnt last 2 days working for me.......suck it up!!!!!
.............................jonny
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Roxy
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Re: My CCH's are killing my marriage
« Reply #6 on: Feb 2nd, 2003, 11:41am » |
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This makes me a little angry. For the last three months, I've been hit 4-6 daily with no meds or oxygen (finally got them though, and for one month of it I had a whole 6 imitrex nasal sprays). If your spouse isn't going to support you.....just go outside, another room, whatever, when you get hit. Don't make excuses or whine to her. Just come back when it's over, and do what needs to be done. My husband has been gone, except for weekends, during the whole time I've had ch's (but, yes, he is a wonderful supporter), this leaves me in charge of a working ranch, three kids, and a whole hell of a lot of cattle. The dishes will wait till the beast is through with you, just like a pen of sick cattle will wait for me. And if your spouse doesn't like it or understand it.......tough shit.
If she's not going to support you without other people (i.e. reading this site) telling her to......it probably won't make a whole lot of difference. Why would she believe us about the pain....and not you? Why would it make the beast any different if other people explained it?
I'm sorry if I don't sound very sympathetic, but, most people that we deal with on a day to day basis, will not, and won't ever understand. That's something we have to learn to deal with. I talk about the ch's here, vent here, but I don't ever talk about them to other people.....why buy frustration, and obviously you're not going to be able to discuss these with your wife.
Marriage, to me, is about supporting your spouse....no matter what. That's kinda what the for better and worse, in sickness and health part is about. Doesn't sound like your wife is holding up her end of the bargin. I understand that you don't want your marriage to fall apart.....but, why would you want to stay with a woman who needs other people to tell her to support you?
Tracey
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Jarvis
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Re: My CCH's are killing my marriage
« Reply #7 on: Feb 2nd, 2003, 12:20pm » |
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Roxy I am giving you all of my applause. That was well said and reflects my feelings excactly. .......Jonny too.... Understanding the pain we all suffer and being one who has many more attacks than you Athos....... It is very easy to use CH as a crutch but we can and must resume our tasks once these damn things subside. ..... Granted its exhausting to deal with the pain but we cant let that stop us from living. It does reguire some serious breaks now and again and again and again........ But we must be strong enuff to carry on between. I too have 5 kids and the job is endless. I too work away from home 12 hrs a day and have a farm here that reguires again an enormous amount of time... Though they have in the past at the way extreme, I try not to let the CH stop me in the duties I have chosen. Sure would like to though. .
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jonny
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Re: My CCH's are killing my marriage
« Reply #8 on: Feb 2nd, 2003, 12:43pm » |
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We cant let this fucker run our lives, when PF get your shit done.....it pisses the beast off that you are living a normal life when PF.
I say piss him off every chance you get!!!!
............................jonny
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Roxy
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Re: My CCH's are killing my marriage
« Reply #9 on: Feb 2nd, 2003, 12:55pm » |
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If you're desperate for so called real sympathy...bend over and let your horse kick you in the head.
Doesn't hurt near as bad as a ch, but people feel sorry for you.....after they laugh that is. ;D
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Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. (Einstein)
I used to have a handle on life....but it broke.
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Jarvis
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Re: My CCH's are killing my marriage
« Reply #10 on: Feb 2nd, 2003, 1:19pm » |
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Roxy I gotta tell you about this. I just had a few steers this year but one of them didnt take in the process of making them so. He got real big and real mean. Had them in a corral for the vet and I got a CH. Normally never took my eye off him. I was distracted and holding my head and that SOB came at me. Picked me up and threw me over that fence about 20 feet. Cured my HA real good and after the laughter I didnt get any pity at all.
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Roxy
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Re: My CCH's are killing my marriage
« Reply #11 on: Feb 2nd, 2003, 2:04pm » |
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Hey Jarvis.....BTDT LOL
When we castrate, we rope and drag....and your's truely does the knife work. The knife staying in one place depends on whose holding the back leg. One time they slipped....so I slipped.....laid open my hand (lots of stitches)......my sympathy was that I got called a dumb ass!!!!!
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Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. (Einstein)
I used to have a handle on life....but it broke.
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LTBullitt
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Re: My CCH's are killing my marriage
« Reply #12 on: Feb 2nd, 2003, 2:38pm » |
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thats not love man
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LTBullitt
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Re: My CCH's are killing my marriage
« Reply #13 on: Feb 2nd, 2003, 2:40pm » |
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on Feb 2nd, 2003, 10:49am, jonny wrote:Do the damn dishes, Christ. it aint like your in pain 24/7
Im damn chronic and I run my own company, you wouldnt last 2 days working for me.......suck it up!!!!!
.............................jonny |
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can I have a job?
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jonny
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Re: My CCH's are killing my marriage
« Reply #14 on: Feb 2nd, 2003, 3:00pm » |
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Sure....you know anything about non-ferrious metal?
.............................jonny
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LTBullitt
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Re: My CCH's are killing my marriage
« Reply #15 on: Feb 2nd, 2003, 3:19pm » |
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Thats rather condesending isn't it?????
YES, I know my field.
Its a metal
a metal without ferrious products and or bi products
realted to the ferret? no?
interview is over isn't it?  LOL
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jonny
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Re: My CCH's are killing my marriage
« Reply #16 on: Feb 2nd, 2003, 3:38pm » |
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yup, looks like ten years is all. companys dead house is up for sale
Sorry, wont be able to meet your unemployment.
......................jonny
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athos
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Re: My CCH's are killing my marriage
« Reply #17 on: Feb 2nd, 2003, 6:27pm » |
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wow things got lively while I was away.....
Johnny.. I did do the dishes a little later after the attack was over.
I have never had them this bad.... I feel like I have been running a marathon for.... damn been almost 2 months since they started this bad....
I realize that this may be nothing to some of you but it is new to me 3-4 cycles a month was enough.... not 3-4 a day 4-5 a week.... Yes I have do have learn to deal with it.....
I am trying to get used to this new turn, and I guess so is my wife.
Jarvis.....
When we had a ranch... casterating, branding, giving shots and de-horning a young bull in a squeeze shute.... I was out in front herding out some cows when they let him out. He was not in a good mood... he helped me right over/through the fence.....
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Ree
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Re: My CCH's are killing my marriage
« Reply #18 on: Feb 2nd, 2003, 6:40pm » |
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I agree with jonny some of this you have to suck up... I know that on our 7th month I wanted to put Dave out of his misery...Life was lonely as Hell... but we got through... WHY???? BECAUSE WE ARE MARRIED AND WHEN YOU GET MARRIED IT IS FOR BETTER FOR WORSE FOR RICHER FOR POORER IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH~~~ Tell your wife she needs to visit our supporter board... she needs some support as well as you. Shes had it... well let her come and talk to some people that at times have had it too... Give her a day off from it... call a relative and let her out of the house to LIVE a little and possibly take a breath... Watching a loved one suffer isnt easy either. And call your neuro let him/her know that nothing is working... make them work for their money. sheeeeesh Ree
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Aussie
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Re: My CCH's are killing my marriage
« Reply #19 on: Feb 2nd, 2003, 6:52pm » |
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Athos
If a sheila wants out, she's gonna find an excuse to do the runner, CH's, not puling your weight, leaving the cap of the toothbrush ets., any excuse will do.
It seems the only people who give a shit about CH is fellow sufferers.
I find that I do everything 200% when Im not having my eye poked out whith a burnt stick, this seems to compensate for the dark hours and keeps the cook of my back.
Don't let it get you down, you only have one life and this ain't no dress rehersal.
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firebrix
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Re: My CCH's are killing my marriage
« Reply #20 on: Feb 2nd, 2003, 6:58pm » |
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Greetings athos12
I am a supporter who tries as hard as possible to understand CH. Sure I do not feel the pain Mopar feels, but I suffer with him. It is really really hard to watch the one you love in such #$%*ing awful pain.
Especially in the early days when understanding is limited by ignorance.
My reaction, initially was to go into denial:
"This can't be true.( It WAS) This isn't happening (It IS!) It can't hurt THAT much! (It does) There must be an answer (Not yet)"
When denial didn't work, I tried to learn more about the condition and embarked on a round of libraries, medically minded friends, books and anything that might enlighten me more than the docs who seemed to know so little. There wasn't a lot of info.
Our friend, who also supports and understands CH got on his puta and found this site. Came here armed with so much information we couldn't believe it! Went straight out and bought a puta and have been here ever since. Not only did we find heaps on CH and some really good friends, but there is a page for supporters too!! We were suddenly and unexpectedly empowered!
What I'm trying to say is maybe your wife is having a lot of trouble learning to accept that this has happened to you. She may feel like I did. That all I could do was wring my hands and commiserate, make tea and anguish. This is not a good look! It is also extremely frustrating, which might be why she snapped at you. And it does nothing to help the sufferer. Maybe your wife needs some help becoming empowered to help you? If you think I could help, please ask her to E mail me, or IM me. She may be able to express her frustration more easily to me, a stranger, than to you who she cares about. Quite honestly, athos12, if she didn't care at all, she'd probably be already gone.
Ch is something that we talk about regularly and we also try to work out methods that will help Mopar when he's having 2 hourly attacks day and night all in the Kip 8-10 range.Mopar is chronic so this happens every day. At times like this we have a "system" and stick to it. We change the system when it no longer works.
Try talking to her when she's not stressed and willing to listen. Give her a little time and understanding, as you might find that things are not as bleak as they seem today and she will end up being your best supporter.
Let me know if I can help either of you.
firebrix
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"All that it takes for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."
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jonny
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Re: My CCH's are killing my marriage
« Reply #21 on: Feb 2nd, 2003, 7:08pm » |
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I just wish everyone would stick with one fucking name......if your fucking name is Bob, then use Bob as your fucking name.
Im jonny what the fuck is your name?
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BruceD
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Re: My CCH's are killing my marriage
« Reply #22 on: Feb 2nd, 2003, 8:30pm » |
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Athos,
Sorry to hear about your pain, both head & heart. I'd also recommend to have your spouse get online here and learn what it is that really affects you. She'll never truly understand the level of pain (only a fellow CH’r would) but there is so much information and support here. For instance, I was just reading about Jill (haven't been here long enough to know the whole story) but I have now read how her parents have come to understand that her headaches are very real and have come to support her.
I'm sure that your wife would come to rely upon this diverse group for her support as well (if she wants it). Everyone has problems (sure, raising 5 kids can create lots of them) but you learn to deal with them and lean on each other when times are tough. Quite possibly she is feeling lost & like she has to do everything (or at least more) because of your HA.
This cycle has been extremely difficult for me 2-5 ha/day (2+ hours each) since September and I used no meds other than starting O2 a couple of weeks ago. Has it worn me down, sure. Did the beast beat me, NO. You keep on plugging away when you are PF and then kick & scream when the HA comes.
Jonny is such a smooth talker. He does tell it like it is though. I also have my own business and when I've been battling the beast during these past 4-5 months and when it hits me at work I deal with it (head outside & try to beat my brains out) but when things get done I come back & try to pick up where I left off. Not trying to be macho, but just realistic. Life does go on.
Sorry for posting so long, but try to hang tough. It would be a shame to see a marriage die because of the beast. That's exactly what it wants ... to maim ... to disrupt ... to confuse ... to harm irreparably. Don’t let it get away with that.
Please, if your wife doesn’t feel comfortable posting, at least have her read the info here. She is also welcome to PM me or my wife (WifeOfBruceD – she’s the best & also an ICU nurse) to ask questions on CH or support. Please don’t let things go. I'm prayin' for ya' man.
Bruce
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athos
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Re: My CCH's are killing my marriage
« Reply #23 on: Feb 2nd, 2003, 8:59pm » |
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I appreciate the support...
I will tell her to get on the site..... She usually shy's away from the computer, she actually hates the computer....
Bruce, what do you do?
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BruceD
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Re: My CCH's are killing my marriage
« Reply #24 on: Feb 3rd, 2003, 8:58am » |
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I'm an engineer.
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Childhood is short, maturity is forever. (The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes)
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